Findingme's Universal Detox thread

[findingme]

I picked up Ultimate Detox (UD) last night after lying in bed an hour, awake since my highly caffeinated 4PM coffee was still lingering. Lying awake, I was considering the things I "could" do, yet haven't. Some reasons are reasonable, but not moving forward with UD with the new technology was not.

I even got on the Paypal payment screen to buy it.....and hesitated. (I'd done this before) What was I afraid of? (knowing the answer never made it easier).......so I went forward. I was afraid of something. I've noticed I've had a fear arise lately when going directly against my norm of protecting myself constantly. Fear of change is not something, IMO, I'm proud of.

Turned on the masked version on my laptop since it doesn't handle US, and went to sleep. Woke up feeling ok, but wondering/worrying when/if the extreme tiredness would appear. It hasn't shown yet, but I stayed home from work today due to sore muscles from work. I live 200 miles above Miami, and the approaching hurricane means work will only increase. It did yesterday, and the storm's not here yet.

Why did I pick up UD? I'd asked about DMSI since many of my issues surround around my alcoholic mom's emotional sickness, which greatly affected me. (I've been divorced 3 years, but have dated noone since then). I have plans on beginning DMSI in 3 months for the A version.

I'm on my 2nd run of UD presently. Am I seeing change?

Maybe. I planned on going to my mom's during the hurricane since that'd be the "responsible thing" to do. Ok. I will do that.

But............I got kind of pissed listening to her 20 minutes ago while saying I'd come down today to shop for her. (It began raining, and I'm on a scooter--plans changed). But she LIVES on fear, on putting others down for taking care of themselves, likes she's entitled to being taken care of. I have tried that same line of thinking, but noone joined me or endorsed it, so I asked for help on it. I've found some answers, subs being one. And, I'm still learning self sufficiency, as I still wonder "will he/she help me?" Immediately upon writing that, I felt a knot in my gut, for I give power away when I expect others to do what I can do myself. I am not helpless, and I hurt me when I lie to myself in such a way.

I didn't speak up to her since my emotions were clearly hot. I'll likely speak up to her while with her, as she's lonely and like all people, needs community to survive. I'll likely stay away from her, even in the same house.

But I'll post updates. I'll likely post emotional swings, as I write mostly when emotional, as emotions don't lie

Edit: I've been on E2 around 6 months total. Good results, but slow. Some happy times indeed. But very uneventful. Maybe stuff was changing? Don't know.

[Have at ye]

Neat. I'm going to follow your UD adventures with interest!

BTW., another neat selling point of DMSI in ver. 3.1 is that it contains auric shielding against other people's negative outside influence; I can attest that it works very well, and would be of much help to you in your situation, I think. Does anybody know if UD contains it, too?

[Daredevil]

I think so but I'm not entirely sure.

[Daredevil]

Will the Detox Sub detoxify negative Energies in your Auric or Etheric field and will it have Auric Sheilding. I want to heal as fast as possible and if UD can do that for me I'm willing to jump on the bandwagon. I have already been running E2 for a long time.

The literal instruction is to "detox all of myself". It is a detox, not an auric shield. It will therefore affect your energy fields as much as your subconscious understands them to be a part of you.

Actually no, it has no Auric Sheilding.

[findingme]

I had a very dynamic afternoon today. I'm seeing my growth and resistance to playing old roles.

For example, I ended up going to my mom's since it quit raining. I went to 4 different stores buying food and supplies, and the impending stress on the streets is felt. People driving fast, honking horns (unusual for my area--northerners must be back!)..... but I didn't want to be in the circle of fear that many people were in.

In fact, the last store I went into, an Indian man was behind the counter. He began ribbing the guy in line, for the fun of it, and I thought it cool that he wasn't so unapproachable. I smiled, knowing I could relax with a man not being too serious. As I approached, we began talking, and he hit it straight on that people were swallowing up the "BE AFRAID!! BE VERY AFRAID!!" news stories about the weather. Yes, it's a bad hurricane. But we went through 4 in 2004, one sitting right on our area for 3 days. I have NOT desired to join the "fear crowd" mostly since it's sickening and draining to me, plus UD is helping me see I am NOT what other people CHOOSE to be.

My last errand today was to get gas in my scooter (I was on E anyway). I sat in a line for gas 45 minutes since 4 other stations were out. I've never done that before. Some were pissed, most were in their own business, and........I felt inside that feeling like "I am responsible if they're angry or upset". Plus.......and it's funny, truly, since this never happens....... things just weren't working right. I had to pay cash to get gas, and the attendant had paid for a different pump than the one I was at. I went back inside, he fixed it, I came out and pumped, and my gas cap wouldn't go on. I was thinking "you've got to be kidding", but kept trying. After about 30 seconds, I submitted to putting it on halfway correctly since (I felt I was pissing people off). This "things not going right" was very different than anything I've ever experienced, and again, it triggers the "I'm responsible for their unhappiness" feeling.

I am SO grateful, so grateful, that LTU (included in UD) has a major focus on self reliance. I've lived for other people's approval and validation my whole life long, and though I did feel triggered to dwell there emotionally after the station, I felt........(positive? good?), like I was ok.

This is affecting my norm. My "I'm not ok" view of life.

I am wondering.......how will tomorrow turn out? Hmmm....I am curious and look forward to it!

Gotta rest first. Will write later.

[findingme]

Just a note: I enjoy listening to UD (hybrid stream mp3). I feel positive, hopeful, positive about future events vs. "all is BAD". I'll keep this one :-)

[Benjamin]

I'm not sure where you got the impression that UD contains LTU. It doesn't say that anywhere.

[findingme]

I got it from the actual UD sales page. The icons on the left show LTU along with 5 other IML subs. Since he didn't state anything in his sales page, I assumed they were the core subs in the mix.

[Benjamin]

Oh.. sorry, they shouldn't be there. That's unusual as it's not like that on the other pages, i'll have a look to see why.

They aren't related to the program, i'm not exactly sure why they come up on that page.

[findingme]

Oh.. sorry, they shouldn't be there. That's unusual as it's not like that on the other pages, i'll have a look to see why.

They aren't related to the program, i'm not exactly sure why they come up on that page.

Do you know which subs UD is comprised of?

[Benjamin]

It's a unique program in itself. But as the page states it has elements of what is in MHS and MLS (detox modules).

And the healing script from the 5.5g skeleton script comparable to what is in DMSI/MHS/MLS but specifically directed towards the goal of detoxing yourself.

[findingme]

I've not been replying since I've been in hurricane prep mode the last two days. But I've been using the sub. I'm at my mom's now, which is not comfortable, but I've kept my space and have been listening to Subs the entire time, even keeping my phone in my pocket listening to ultra Sonic. I live between Miami and Orlando on the east coast of Florida, and in truth I've been trying to Shield myself from the constant fear and panic people have been fed and are digesting readily. It kind of pisses me off that people are so gullible. We have a storm coming, but the news only shows " you are going to die!" I even made a joke with co-worker on his last day that I text him saying "are you dead yet?"
I'll try not to puke about that much more, but I realize we and I have been trained to be addicted to fear. Fear overrides logic in a heartbeat. Puke.

It's kind of funny, This Thread is supposed to be on Ultimate detox. I've noticed clearly that I was responding and reacting differently to the impending stress when I was still at work. No kidding. Instead of agreeing with impending stress, I began to make fun of it. This was cool, since my first reaction before this was to become angry with myself for keeping my dissonance inside. I rarely agree with the common consensus of what is, and I knew that this was a storm like any other, maybe stronger but we survived many many storms here in Florida. My coworker is from Britain, he's never been in a hurricane, but he was glued to his cell phone, constantly watching horrifying updates of worst-case scenarios. And my reaction, surprisingly, was I found humor in the stupidity of it. I've been a cynic of the media for years, and this storm just highlights it all. Living here with my mom for the last 36 hours, I've had to separate myself from her. She lives with the weather on, and constantly wants to reiterate bad stories she's heard. I see it as a reason to remain afraid. And just being honest, it's starting to piss me off. I cannot change her but something's pissing me off.
Okay, off focus again. :-) I realize that the sub handles mental emotional and physical aspects, and I got it specifically for the mental and emotional aspects. However, I'm becoming slowly aware of the mental changes or preferences for Foods that I've turned to. Example, coffee. I've been drinking a lot of caffeine for a long time, knowing that it inhibits growth emotionally. I haven't changed habits as of this moment, but something feels different. Like something is changing in me Slowly, and that is so cool. I never knew that that can happen with subliminals. That is Flippin awesome.

And by the way, I've been greatly attracted to working on me in the last 48 hours, so I've been reading up on dmsi. I really underestimated its power. I've been reading different threads assuming it would be all about sex, but I was very very wrong. It hits the emotional core, the truth that we hide from ourselves, about who we are. I'm hoping some of that is in Ultimate detox. I'll run its full course, and then I will definitely jump into dmsi.

Well, I might be under estimating this, but I feel humorous as I finish writing this. Not sad, not morose, not defeated. That's a real good feeling. I wonder if that was part of the script.

[findingme]

Guys, I'm feeling guilty. Maybe ultimate detox is working on something, so I'm writing to maybe hear back.

For over two months, I have been investing small amounts of money with Traders to multiply it. I have some money coming this Thursday, and due to that, I've been contacting different Traders to split money's among different Traders to spread out the risk.

Here's my problem. I feel like I'm in high school, dating three different girls simultaneously, attempting to keep each a secret from the others. I told a friend that I've been working with that I feel like I'm whoring around. I've contacted maybe six different Traders, asking them the same questions, leading them on to think that I had money in hand and wanted to trade with them. This only hit me tonight after one Trader, whom I do respect, seemed to blow me off when I asked about reinvesting. It's kind of strange, but he's the only one I've been truly honest with so far. And I was honest tonight, saying that I would didn't have money in hand yet. Okay, he's in a business, and does not want to waste his time. Am I personalizing this too much? Most likely. I've been on E2 for months due to feeling like a child in an adult body. I realized I saw this guy in an almost fatherly role.

If it makes any sense, this is different from E2, as I'm inclined to do something, to change something, to make a different choice. And this is new. Not exciting, but good. I'm owning my s***.

[findingme]

I've been waiting to share this since I've been without power at home.

I've not listened to UD for 3 days due to no power, plus I'd not downloaded US on my phone. I'm at our local library now using their WIFI. Put it on my phone too.

I would have thought UD had not taken a hold using it 3 days or so, but even off of it, I'm noticing and enjoying different thoughts coming up. I can only attribute this to UD.

My most recent awareness is me going around my small room (maybe 12'x15'), noticing the near panic I've put myself in daily--"this isn't finished, neither is that. That? Nope" I've got old receipts, clothing, papers, books, all laying around. I felt a familiar fear rise in each observation, and I realized something.

"If I don't complete this, I may not risk failing in the future". I'd quickly imagine having a clean desk or area, and fears would invade, old fears and voices in my head. I'd imagine "success", and would immediately link it to failure--rather, an imagined shaming, and rejection--or self rejection.

I'm not defeated. I'm seeing my problem more objectively, which is inviting to me. I'm feeling the pain or discomfort with knowing it's fouled up, but the problem isn't me. I HAVE a problem, not I AM the problem.

I'm listening at the library with earbuds, so I'll look for any changes. I'll not stay here for 7 hours to get all my loops in :-)

I even realized today something BIG and clear. I've mentioned I know I use coffee to stifle emotions in me. I did a yes/no/yes/no in my emotions about getting coffee at the gas station. I got some, and this hit me after doing so: I realized I've use it to keep me from changing. I've used it to not allow me to grow, to change, to stay in uncomfortable spots. Change is often uncomfortable (or it's imagined to be). I'll keep the sub running to allow me to execute (needed!) change.

Thank you Shannon for this sub. I have seen you often not disclose your scripts to prevent placebo effects. You have something running in this that is chipping away at my denial--steadily!

And my last awareness happened yesterday at work. I'm working with a pretty safe guy, and we've been slowly sharing different parts of our lives during the work day. Yesterday, I brought up another man I've worked with, but haven't liked--he's very inconsiderate. I'd brought up a financial decision he made, for the logic made no sense. However, I intentionally kept the guy's name a secret, thinking/feeling like I should protect his name.

Well, since my coworker was avidly trying to figure out who this was, I questioned my reason for not disclosing. I then realized I was only trying to protect me, not him (I was reflecting on Matt's DMSI journal about reading on our dark sides). Upon knowing that, I finally shared who it was, and why I'd not shared: the guy I was protecting acts in fear constantly, and I do too.

We drove quietly for a few minutes since my last words to him were angry. I brought it back up, apologizing for my anger at him, sharing knowing this scared me, thus my anger. He was accepting of it, sharing his own reactions to fear.

I'm not sure if this is in the UD scripts, yes I'm digging :-), but this is happening in my life while using UD.