02-16-2023, 05:35 PM
I became very aware of me holding on to victim thinking, both today and right now, as I write. I'm seeing it nearly everytime I want to share something. In short, I'm seeing something that feels like a weakness, and the good news is I'm actually seeing it.
I see how I'm wishing to share, but I'm emotionally aware that a traumatized part of me has been literally crying out for a rescue. That's how I've been since childhood. The traumatized boy I see and feel is very young.
I've spent most of my life dodging and hiding from this, like it's shameful.
Playing a victim requires a saviour (usually someone else), but even now I have compassion for the little boy I abandoned. Seeking outside support via playing the victim is utterly disempowering. And doing that deflates confidence instantly. But I should be ok handling this. Part of me even knows I'll be ok.
To summarize all I just wrote, the FRM is moving through my brain, finding connections, and having me see things I've held down with fear.
I see how I'm wishing to share, but I'm emotionally aware that a traumatized part of me has been literally crying out for a rescue. That's how I've been since childhood. The traumatized boy I see and feel is very young.
I've spent most of my life dodging and hiding from this, like it's shameful.
Playing a victim requires a saviour (usually someone else), but even now I have compassion for the little boy I abandoned. Seeking outside support via playing the victim is utterly disempowering. And doing that deflates confidence instantly. But I should be ok handling this. Part of me even knows I'll be ok.
To summarize all I just wrote, the FRM is moving through my brain, finding connections, and having me see things I've held down with fear.
I want to be FREE!
