10-27-2018, 05:45 AM
I'm changing. I ripped my ex via text for keeping our daughter away from me about 20 minutes ago.
It began with me saying I was mad at her. I'd asked her twice yesterday if my daughter had her phone yet--as my ex had confiscated it since my daughter had put some locks on it. She never acknowledged my question. This morning, I checked my IG account since I'd heard some alerts during the night. I saw my daughter was active yesterday, and this is when I got pissed.
I vented freely. I used cuss words and all, calling her out--not my norm. I was met with loads of "reasons" (excuses) first. I called her on that BS. She began making old jabs to me, calling me victim, saying it was all about me now. I said I wasn't playing victim, I was playing pissed off.
When she said she'd block me, I said I'd call the authorities on her. I have every right to see my daughter as she does.
I vented, yes, but it began to be a norm to call her out on her lies/reasons for doing this. I do notice now when she's wrong, her pride steps up, defending herself with anger and insults vs. facts.
One good thing in all this was she said she wouldn't share this text conversation with our daughter. If anything pisses me off bad, it how she identifies with our daughter, (thinking she) knows everything she does, EVERYTHING. Even reading each other's texts. I texted that she was so far up our daughter's ass. I almost asked her if she thought this was healthy, but held it since I was pissed and it would be taken as an insult, nothing else. It's full on codependency, in living color, creating sick understandings of how people need and want to be treated. That's why her mom, IMO, was sought before me. My ex needs her own needs met currently.
And I'm venting here. I'll stop.
I need relationships in my life, male and female. I'm still learning the rules of male interactions, as 1 or 2 I know don't have many emotional tools themselves. With women, I'm noticing little clues which say to me "no, not that one". Little whines, big emotional reactions, and other expressions tell me there's more where that came from.
I'm noticing this in myself too. My little whines, my lack of responding, or me overreacting tells me I still am growing and healing. If I don't like those parts of me, I communicate "no, I'm not ready for relationships either." Fear is still a cornerstone piece, it seems. But only one step at a time.
I took one today I've very rarely taken.
It began with me saying I was mad at her. I'd asked her twice yesterday if my daughter had her phone yet--as my ex had confiscated it since my daughter had put some locks on it. She never acknowledged my question. This morning, I checked my IG account since I'd heard some alerts during the night. I saw my daughter was active yesterday, and this is when I got pissed.
I vented freely. I used cuss words and all, calling her out--not my norm. I was met with loads of "reasons" (excuses) first. I called her on that BS. She began making old jabs to me, calling me victim, saying it was all about me now. I said I wasn't playing victim, I was playing pissed off.
When she said she'd block me, I said I'd call the authorities on her. I have every right to see my daughter as she does.
I vented, yes, but it began to be a norm to call her out on her lies/reasons for doing this. I do notice now when she's wrong, her pride steps up, defending herself with anger and insults vs. facts.
One good thing in all this was she said she wouldn't share this text conversation with our daughter. If anything pisses me off bad, it how she identifies with our daughter, (thinking she) knows everything she does, EVERYTHING. Even reading each other's texts. I texted that she was so far up our daughter's ass. I almost asked her if she thought this was healthy, but held it since I was pissed and it would be taken as an insult, nothing else. It's full on codependency, in living color, creating sick understandings of how people need and want to be treated. That's why her mom, IMO, was sought before me. My ex needs her own needs met currently.
And I'm venting here. I'll stop.
I need relationships in my life, male and female. I'm still learning the rules of male interactions, as 1 or 2 I know don't have many emotional tools themselves. With women, I'm noticing little clues which say to me "no, not that one". Little whines, big emotional reactions, and other expressions tell me there's more where that came from.
I'm noticing this in myself too. My little whines, my lack of responding, or me overreacting tells me I still am growing and healing. If I don't like those parts of me, I communicate "no, I'm not ready for relationships either." Fear is still a cornerstone piece, it seems. But only one step at a time.
I took one today I've very rarely taken.
I want to be FREE!
