08-30-2018, 12:27 AM
Back to work today. My mom's back home with oxygen tanks, but she's still moving around just like she normally does.
I was moved these last few days being with my brothers and Mom. And I'm guessing here why. Though H+C has helped me draw boundaries with them (comfortably, actually), I chose to spend time with all. I've had a wall up for months which kept everyone out, but I was able to keep my boundaries around them and still be close. I never had to enforce my boundaries either.
Do I trust them? That's not the real issue here. Do I trust myself? I challenged my all-or-nothing approach these last days. When I looked at what was in front of me vs. being in my head, things went well. I've made "truth" of what I've thought, felt, and remembered, squelching interactions to bare minimums for quite a while. I feel better now, and I am still learning. Trust takes time. Even for myself.
I'm feeling that slight sadness here, when I let go. I'll share more when I know since I don't know now.
I was moved these last few days being with my brothers and Mom. And I'm guessing here why. Though H+C has helped me draw boundaries with them (comfortably, actually), I chose to spend time with all. I've had a wall up for months which kept everyone out, but I was able to keep my boundaries around them and still be close. I never had to enforce my boundaries either.
Do I trust them? That's not the real issue here. Do I trust myself? I challenged my all-or-nothing approach these last days. When I looked at what was in front of me vs. being in my head, things went well. I've made "truth" of what I've thought, felt, and remembered, squelching interactions to bare minimums for quite a while. I feel better now, and I am still learning. Trust takes time. Even for myself.
I'm feeling that slight sadness here, when I let go. I'll share more when I know since I don't know now.
I want to be FREE!
