06-11-2021, 12:08 AM
Am finding it really helpful to continue to outline what I'm afraid of in any given moment. It helps me move into a rational space. But I seem to lack energy and drive to really grapple with what's in front of me and i don't think that's really fear. It's more like Why do I even care?, what I do is meaningless and I don't really believe what I do will make a difference.
It's a limiting belief that I use fear to overcome. Mostly i don't see the value in anything I do, or that I will get much out of it or that there is some useful purpose to be pursued, so I rely on pressure and the fear of loss, or the desire to be told 'I'm great', for pulling something off in a short space of time.
It's not a productive or useful way to live.
Anyway I took two days off, by the second day off of my third cycle I was flat, not really feeling anything. A far cry from the intensity of emotions I was feeling before. So i've reduced my time off to two days and now am starting my fourth cycle.
I feel like I could usefully do more than one loop, but I will stick to the one for now.
It's a limiting belief that I use fear to overcome. Mostly i don't see the value in anything I do, or that I will get much out of it or that there is some useful purpose to be pursued, so I rely on pressure and the fear of loss, or the desire to be told 'I'm great', for pulling something off in a short space of time.
It's not a productive or useful way to live.
Anyway I took two days off, by the second day off of my third cycle I was flat, not really feeling anything. A far cry from the intensity of emotions I was feeling before. So i've reduced my time off to two days and now am starting my fourth cycle.
I feel like I could usefully do more than one loop, but I will stick to the one for now.
