01-10-2023, 11:14 PM
(This post was last modified: 01-10-2023, 11:25 PM by EvolvingPhoenix.)
From the voting poll that Shannon posted (I figured it also kinda makes for a good post to put in my UH journal) --
"Y'know, it might be superstitious or something but I take this as a synchronicity. I've been stewing all night about past grievances. Unfair treatment by my ex-friend and 33 years of abusive mistreatment by my family. And just blowing up about it under my breath, in my room. I am trying to be better than that. Trying to let go. And I'm struggling. And I say to myself as I head in for bed. I say to my innermost being, the REAL me that's deep down in there somewhere 'Help me. I am TRYING to forgive. I am TRYING to have a higher vibration or energy or whatever you'd call it. And I need help.' and I just kept saying 'Help me' over and over. And the idea suddenly comes to me to turn my computer on and go onto subliminal talk for some reason, despite the fact that I usually don't lately. And I see this poll, with 'Overcoming Fear, Shame and Guilt' as one of the options, with the most votes. So of course I voted for it, cuz hey, maybe that's what I need, you know? **shrug**
Shame seems to be a deeply rooted issue for me, after over three decades of being the scapegoat of the family and the lightning rod for everyone else's mistreatment. And I don't want to take all the RAGE that has been building up over the decades of my life and unleash it and explode and tell everyone what I REALLY think of them through that lens of pain and anger, because I know it's just gonna keep a cycle going and it's just gonna manifest more unwanted shit into my life because that kind of energy is never a good place to be coming from and I believe everything we attract is a reflection of our own internal state and beliefs, so I'm TRYING to handle this positively and I'm struggling. Maybe Shame, Fear and Guilt removal would help unblock the part of me that I need to let go of to finally heal these deeply seated issues."
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Anyway, I have a friend who's psychic. I asked her to give me a chakra diagnosis and tell me which is my most blocked chakra. All three lower chakras a fucked, blocking the upper ones. It seems none were more blocked than the others due to the interconnectedness of the chakra system. She said (accurately) there's a feeling of being emasculated and needing to prove myself as a man, with an extremely deep rabbit hole of rage that she didn't want to go down. She's of a very deliberately negative energetic orientation, but knows I'm basically a hippy so she said she couldn't help me. If I wanted to embrace the dark philosophy she goes by, she could tell me EXACTLY what to do with all that anger, but since I'm trying to be positive, she can't help me. I am trying to forgive. And I am trying to adopt a positive way of life. But I am struggling. I m sure UH is helping me, but I dunno if it's doing enough and I dunno what else to do. OR maybe it's not working fast enough for my liking? I dunno. I just feel stuck. I'm sure I'm actually making quite a bit of progress, but it's the same old story and the same old unresolved grievences and resentment. I can't seem to shake it and can't seem to resolve these issues. I don't know what to do. I'm just so deeply hurt and so angry!
"Y'know, it might be superstitious or something but I take this as a synchronicity. I've been stewing all night about past grievances. Unfair treatment by my ex-friend and 33 years of abusive mistreatment by my family. And just blowing up about it under my breath, in my room. I am trying to be better than that. Trying to let go. And I'm struggling. And I say to myself as I head in for bed. I say to my innermost being, the REAL me that's deep down in there somewhere 'Help me. I am TRYING to forgive. I am TRYING to have a higher vibration or energy or whatever you'd call it. And I need help.' and I just kept saying 'Help me' over and over. And the idea suddenly comes to me to turn my computer on and go onto subliminal talk for some reason, despite the fact that I usually don't lately. And I see this poll, with 'Overcoming Fear, Shame and Guilt' as one of the options, with the most votes. So of course I voted for it, cuz hey, maybe that's what I need, you know? **shrug**
Shame seems to be a deeply rooted issue for me, after over three decades of being the scapegoat of the family and the lightning rod for everyone else's mistreatment. And I don't want to take all the RAGE that has been building up over the decades of my life and unleash it and explode and tell everyone what I REALLY think of them through that lens of pain and anger, because I know it's just gonna keep a cycle going and it's just gonna manifest more unwanted shit into my life because that kind of energy is never a good place to be coming from and I believe everything we attract is a reflection of our own internal state and beliefs, so I'm TRYING to handle this positively and I'm struggling. Maybe Shame, Fear and Guilt removal would help unblock the part of me that I need to let go of to finally heal these deeply seated issues."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Anyway, I have a friend who's psychic. I asked her to give me a chakra diagnosis and tell me which is my most blocked chakra. All three lower chakras a fucked, blocking the upper ones. It seems none were more blocked than the others due to the interconnectedness of the chakra system. She said (accurately) there's a feeling of being emasculated and needing to prove myself as a man, with an extremely deep rabbit hole of rage that she didn't want to go down. She's of a very deliberately negative energetic orientation, but knows I'm basically a hippy so she said she couldn't help me. If I wanted to embrace the dark philosophy she goes by, she could tell me EXACTLY what to do with all that anger, but since I'm trying to be positive, she can't help me. I am trying to forgive. And I am trying to adopt a positive way of life. But I am struggling. I m sure UH is helping me, but I dunno if it's doing enough and I dunno what else to do. OR maybe it's not working fast enough for my liking? I dunno. I just feel stuck. I'm sure I'm actually making quite a bit of progress, but it's the same old story and the same old unresolved grievences and resentment. I can't seem to shake it and can't seem to resolve these issues. I don't know what to do. I'm just so deeply hurt and so angry!
