EP UMS JOURNAL

[EvolvingPhoenix]

So... I am... In a state right now which is STARKLY different to my usual state. Part of it is I'm watching videos on vibration attraction and manifestation on YT that are telling m5 how to get out of lack, but they're really telling me nothing I have not heard already. However, this time, I feel happiness and optimism as I joyfully accept their truth: that we already have EVERYTHING and it is merely our resistance, imposed on ourselves which creates lack. This understanding is being met with VERY positive feelings right now. I am also watching much red pilled content that I usually consume and seeing the lack mentality and the self imposed limitations accepted by these content creators. I also watched a video which explains to me something I already know, but now appreciate: forgiveness is what stops attracting people who mistreat you into your life. Forgiveness and boundary setting. But even if one sets boundaries, so long as one does not forgive, one attracts more of the same into one's life. Such is the case with my exfriend I realize. She was right to set boundaries, but she did not forgive and she did not set them lovingly, but rather resentfully and angrilly. For somebody who wants me completely out of her life, she sure seems to have a hard time letting me go. She carries me around with her along with every abuser in her life she has ever had the misfortune of interacting with, forgives none of us, and carries that energy into the present. She will inevitably attract yet another toxic and negative person who projects their insecurities onto her and even when she cuts them out of her life she will attract another. And another. And another. Until she learns to forgive and let go. Then she can draw her boundaries from a loving place and, having healed inside her own energetic imbalance, will no longer attract such experiences, having no use for them any longer. I love and forgive her and myself. I recognize that in a higher sense none of us are victims. I realize there is actually NO SUCH THING as an "involuntary" celibate, for, consciously or unconsciously, we create our own realities, so if one is experiencing a lack of romance or sex, it is actually one's choice because one is RESISTING abundance which already exists within themselves and attracts more abundance to reflect that internal state. I also realize that on a higher level, there is no true separation. And I'll jist leave it at that. That separation is an illusion. I have the option of letting go of this illusion and appreciating the connection and love that is there when the ego and the confusion of one's understanding are shedded. And I thank the universe for this love and connection which was never truly lost and can never be truly lost. I thank those I envied for creating the life for themselves and others that I desire for I recognize that in doing so, they are providing to ME, whether it seems that way or not. They serve me, even though it does not seem that way, and I thank them for their service. I should connect with nature, and thank Mother Earth for all her provisions. Until then, I will sit here thanking the universe for everything I have, including everything I thought I lacked, realizing that I do in fact have it. And I am grateful.