I’m once again reminded of that story of the person who ran Overcome Smoking 5G and claimed the program didn’t work, but they just decided to quit smoking on their own. E6 is so invisible at times. It just feels like living life. Moving on from the past? Just something I’m doing, nothing crazy. Growing in awareness? Also doing that, no big deal. Etc.
Been noticing what’s holding me back from action, and other things. It’s a variety of things working in concert, but I’ll explain a big part of it. Growing up I was considered a gifted kid. I picked up things faster than other kids and was praised for it. I loved school. Slowly but surely I accumulated expectations from my mom and teachers as well as trauma from them as well as my peers. Eventually I liked school less and less and then started hating it. Also I began to hate menial tasks like cleaning my room because my mom would use punishments and exploit the adult-parent power dynamic to get me to do things, instead of raising a healthy child.
There are other factors, but these are two quick and simple explanations for what holds me back in taking action towards my goals. I have perfectionism and fear of failure. It’s not as bad as it used to be, but it’s still something I have to deal with when doing things. I want to enjoy things, not force myself to do them.
I notice how programming is beautiful. I want to be able to do it, but every time I do it’s so painful. I want to use it like legos, but I’ve got all this friction from trauma that makes it a pain in the ass and I get mentally tired too fast due to all that friction. The fear of failure is also annoying. I just want to enjoy learning and creating. I also want to write, but same deal.
Edit: The reason I shared the above is its relation to the bigger picture. If I overcome the issues holding me back from taking basic action towards my goals, that will be an exponential increase in the quality of my life because that’s my current bottleneck. I’ll begin making money as well as have stuff I love doing. It’ll also signal I’m close to healing all my trauma, as that’s the deep stuff.
I also find it interesting how confident in my success if I just take consistent action. Most people seem worried about their success making it on their own, whereas to me I’m confident of mine. Likely UMS2 as well as all the other subs I have used.
Been noticing what’s holding me back from action, and other things. It’s a variety of things working in concert, but I’ll explain a big part of it. Growing up I was considered a gifted kid. I picked up things faster than other kids and was praised for it. I loved school. Slowly but surely I accumulated expectations from my mom and teachers as well as trauma from them as well as my peers. Eventually I liked school less and less and then started hating it. Also I began to hate menial tasks like cleaning my room because my mom would use punishments and exploit the adult-parent power dynamic to get me to do things, instead of raising a healthy child.
There are other factors, but these are two quick and simple explanations for what holds me back in taking action towards my goals. I have perfectionism and fear of failure. It’s not as bad as it used to be, but it’s still something I have to deal with when doing things. I want to enjoy things, not force myself to do them.
I notice how programming is beautiful. I want to be able to do it, but every time I do it’s so painful. I want to use it like legos, but I’ve got all this friction from trauma that makes it a pain in the ass and I get mentally tired too fast due to all that friction. The fear of failure is also annoying. I just want to enjoy learning and creating. I also want to write, but same deal.
Edit: The reason I shared the above is its relation to the bigger picture. If I overcome the issues holding me back from taking basic action towards my goals, that will be an exponential increase in the quality of my life because that’s my current bottleneck. I’ll begin making money as well as have stuff I love doing. It’ll also signal I’m close to healing all my trauma, as that’s the deep stuff.
I also find it interesting how confident in my success if I just take consistent action. Most people seem worried about their success making it on their own, whereas to me I’m confident of mine. Likely UMS2 as well as all the other subs I have used.
