09-07-2017, 08:25 AM
Been a few days, going through a lot but I'm pushing. My ability to start and hold conversations easier is kicking in, my sense of humor has also increased. I'm becoming less annoyed by my daughter's tantrums too, even more so than the first run. The biggest thing I've noticed is that when my wife says things like we can work or out, I either instantly dismiss it or I cringe. Thing is...I've realized that even if I became everything she wanted, it'll be a hell of a long time, if ever that she's able to consistently be the woman I want. I'm starting to realize that's the reason I haven't taken the thought of staying married to her too seriously at all. She's not a bad person at all, there are just things about her that just make me feel like staying married would hold me back and even annoy the hell out of me because of certain habits. My epiphany is between habits of hers that I can't stand, the fact that no one takes marriage or relationships that seriously anymore, and me enjoying personal freedom to a high degree in all areas of life, I can be a great husband but I don't want to be a husband anymore, hell I don't even want to be anyone's boyfriend.
I'm completely done giving a damn about living up to another persons expectations and caring about their wants and "needs". It's aggravating as hell to be with someone who doesn't take responsibility or accountability for their own emotions and reactions. Sad thing is that I see most people this way and I've come to accept that almost no ones values match mine 100% and that's cool. I live and let live and I'm not babysitting anybody's feelings. I need all the physical, emotional and mental as well as spiritual energy I can muster to perfect myself. The only person's needs I care about fulfilling besides mine is my child's. I miss what me and the wife had but it's simply time to be grateful for what was and make the best of what is.
I'm completely done giving a damn about living up to another persons expectations and caring about their wants and "needs". It's aggravating as hell to be with someone who doesn't take responsibility or accountability for their own emotions and reactions. Sad thing is that I see most people this way and I've come to accept that almost no ones values match mine 100% and that's cool. I live and let live and I'm not babysitting anybody's feelings. I need all the physical, emotional and mental as well as spiritual energy I can muster to perfect myself. The only person's needs I care about fulfilling besides mine is my child's. I miss what me and the wife had but it's simply time to be grateful for what was and make the best of what is.
