01-29-2016, 07:48 PM
Been off of subs for a week and damn does it feel good not to be limited to things I can do with headphones on, or feeling pressured to go to bed so as not to encroach on 8 hours of exposure. Of course, this journey has been worthwhile.
I will rate the bullet points again in the next week. I wanted to leave some time for the program to sink in. Something clicked in my head a couple of days ago and suddenly I am noticeably more driven and disciplined. Where I would normally concede to laziness, I have observed my mind propel me to action, and I've realized that his mindset is a habit that must be developed like anything else. There is a push in these new directions that wasn't there before.
I don't feel as 'on top' as I remember feeling a week after completing AM6 the first time, and I have to say that the last two stages of this run were underwhelming and it felt like the train ran out of steam, despite my program-long devotion to 12 hours a day, and making up for 1.5x missed hours.
I am as good looking as I've ever been in terms of physique, grooming, and wardrobe, which brings me to my next point: I am not comfortable with being attractive. Yet. I simultaneously enjoy the attention and don't know what to do with it. I am treated as if I'm way more good looking than I see in myself. I turn heads everywhere I go. And yet more often than not being conscious of the attention makes me insecure and highly critical of myself. Shakespeare would love this irony. I can't help but think how much of an absolute stud-bull I would be if my mindset was congruent with my outward appearance. I could be one of those guys that sleeps with hundreds of beautiful women. But I am still plagued by shame and self-doubt. So these are the things I'm focusing on next. Still on the path to SM.
I will rate the bullet points again in the next week. I wanted to leave some time for the program to sink in. Something clicked in my head a couple of days ago and suddenly I am noticeably more driven and disciplined. Where I would normally concede to laziness, I have observed my mind propel me to action, and I've realized that his mindset is a habit that must be developed like anything else. There is a push in these new directions that wasn't there before.
I don't feel as 'on top' as I remember feeling a week after completing AM6 the first time, and I have to say that the last two stages of this run were underwhelming and it felt like the train ran out of steam, despite my program-long devotion to 12 hours a day, and making up for 1.5x missed hours.
I am as good looking as I've ever been in terms of physique, grooming, and wardrobe, which brings me to my next point: I am not comfortable with being attractive. Yet. I simultaneously enjoy the attention and don't know what to do with it. I am treated as if I'm way more good looking than I see in myself. I turn heads everywhere I go. And yet more often than not being conscious of the attention makes me insecure and highly critical of myself. Shakespeare would love this irony. I can't help but think how much of an absolute stud-bull I would be if my mindset was congruent with my outward appearance. I could be one of those guys that sleeps with hundreds of beautiful women. But I am still plagued by shame and self-doubt. So these are the things I'm focusing on next. Still on the path to SM.
Under heaven all can see beauty as beauty only because there is ugliness.
All can know good as good only because there is evil.
All can know good as good only because there is evil.
