04-12-2012, 05:56 PM
So I switched to month 4 today and last Shannon and I "attempted" to speak it just wasn't working. I was breaking a 60 day juice fast in a cabin in the woods. Isolated and out of communication was a misnomer. The place didn't even have a tv for heavens sake!
What I noticed on month three was actually quite interesting and wanted to share with the community. While month one and two were uneventful and normal months for me, month three was the toughest. It was like all my faults, everything I had worked to achieve were creeping up on me. Now normally I have to work at the changes I have made in my life. Nothing is permanent unless I put all my effort and desire into accomplishing what I set out to do. Sometimes I will not succeed but use those mistakes to grow. Most success is on the back of previous failures and those who succeed simply find the previous failures as steps to climb up on. The story of R.U Darby, as told by Napoleon Hill, comes to mind. He discovered a gold mine with some of the richest ore in all of Colorado. After his first cart full the vein disappeared and he desperately kept searching but finally gave up. He sold the mine to a friend and that guy not knowing enough about gold paid to bring in the experts. They said that not three feet from where Darby stopped digging they would find the richest vein of ore in all of Colorado. The moral of the story is never give up. Three feet away you'll find your success.
The good things I have noticed was that I was keeping my commitments, setting goals, accomplishing what I set out to do and then about half-way through month three I started to get week. I was ready to throw in the towel, to give up. MY Juice fast was going better than ever. I had overcome weeks of pure agony of a healing crisis from hell. Every injury I ever had basically put me out of commission for weeks but all the while I stuck with it. I was in for the long haul and going to transform my life. Something was amiss though as suddenly even though I was feeling great, amazing mental clarity, had started back at the gym, all of a sudden I wanted to just quit. I caught myself in all the negative mind talk. A few nights of sleepless anxiety attacks. I even was contemplating depression thoughts.
A long while ago, I would suffer bouts of depression and anxiety. Just horrible thoughts of suicide and lack of ambition to even get out of bed. Its odd to me now because I could tell when I would be getting there. I could just trace the thoughts that would lead me there. I would start thinking about bad things that not only never happened, but never would. Thinking back its actually easy to decipher and correct that behavior, but at the time it was suicidal and that's very frightening. I hated to be alone and enclosed in confined spaces. Claustrophobic to the max, because it would have meant being lone. I dreaded the fact of ever being alone.
Now back to ending my juice fast: I reserved a cabin in the woods all by myself. No electronics, no connections, nothing but me and nature. I love being close to nature and consider myself a damn hippe
. During stage three I started having these same thoughts of OMG I'm going to be alone. Knowing what I do, I would simply release them and move on. I also got that negative little voice in my head. I was a bit more fragile and easily put off. I'm not sure what it was but I just knew it was stage three. I went off and did what I wanted to anyway and as expected it all went off without a hitch.
I will say that my one week away from my healthy life transformation and I started to eat crappy food again and craved junk. I am dead-set against ever going back to that but man the cravings were terrible. Even satiating them would bring guilt and then I would experience those illness feelings from eating crap to begin with. Ahh that vicious cycle
! Somehow, someway I knew it had to do with stage three. I'm not sure how but it was like all my past failures were regressing, but I also knew I had to get through them because my gold was three feet away. I had a good laugh though.
Well today I started at stage 4 and it was like an instant change in attitude and altitude. Its almost like immediately everything that was bothering simply melted away. I'm not sure if this was my mind playing tricks on me but I'm pretty in tune with my mind, body and spirit as I journal extensively. Those years I struggled with anxiety, fear, depression and hating myself I learned so much from and know what's happening in my own mind. Besides its my reality and I invited you in
.
There are noticeable things that are happening otherwise for the positive though. EVERYONE has said how much calmer I am. Things just don't bother me as much anymore, but this is pretty normal of me now. I just let things vibe off me and don't sweat the small stuff. Since I've started its becoming more noticeable though to others. My ex girlfriend doesn't even try to get my gall up anymore. She called me the other day with some crap and after about three minutes of telling me how stupid I am and such a jerk she actually admitted she called me intentionally to piss me off. Since that didn't work anymore did I want to come over and fuck her? I told her I might be free Thursday (today) but turns out I had other plans. Maybe next time.
Another ex is just completely psycho and we have been getting along just great. Its like she is on lithium around me. Her BFF, another friend of mine, is a bit flaky and quite honestly not a good person. She wanted to poison another of her friends who was pregnant because the girl was drinking wine. She felt it was better to murder the baby than allow the mother to have baby with potential FAS. I just reminded her about the insanity and stopped talking to her rather than arguing with the stupidity!.
Okay Buckystars is closing. I have to go. Yeah this program absolutely ROCKS and I see fantastic results. FANTASTIC!
What I noticed on month three was actually quite interesting and wanted to share with the community. While month one and two were uneventful and normal months for me, month three was the toughest. It was like all my faults, everything I had worked to achieve were creeping up on me. Now normally I have to work at the changes I have made in my life. Nothing is permanent unless I put all my effort and desire into accomplishing what I set out to do. Sometimes I will not succeed but use those mistakes to grow. Most success is on the back of previous failures and those who succeed simply find the previous failures as steps to climb up on. The story of R.U Darby, as told by Napoleon Hill, comes to mind. He discovered a gold mine with some of the richest ore in all of Colorado. After his first cart full the vein disappeared and he desperately kept searching but finally gave up. He sold the mine to a friend and that guy not knowing enough about gold paid to bring in the experts. They said that not three feet from where Darby stopped digging they would find the richest vein of ore in all of Colorado. The moral of the story is never give up. Three feet away you'll find your success.
The good things I have noticed was that I was keeping my commitments, setting goals, accomplishing what I set out to do and then about half-way through month three I started to get week. I was ready to throw in the towel, to give up. MY Juice fast was going better than ever. I had overcome weeks of pure agony of a healing crisis from hell. Every injury I ever had basically put me out of commission for weeks but all the while I stuck with it. I was in for the long haul and going to transform my life. Something was amiss though as suddenly even though I was feeling great, amazing mental clarity, had started back at the gym, all of a sudden I wanted to just quit. I caught myself in all the negative mind talk. A few nights of sleepless anxiety attacks. I even was contemplating depression thoughts.
A long while ago, I would suffer bouts of depression and anxiety. Just horrible thoughts of suicide and lack of ambition to even get out of bed. Its odd to me now because I could tell when I would be getting there. I could just trace the thoughts that would lead me there. I would start thinking about bad things that not only never happened, but never would. Thinking back its actually easy to decipher and correct that behavior, but at the time it was suicidal and that's very frightening. I hated to be alone and enclosed in confined spaces. Claustrophobic to the max, because it would have meant being lone. I dreaded the fact of ever being alone.
Now back to ending my juice fast: I reserved a cabin in the woods all by myself. No electronics, no connections, nothing but me and nature. I love being close to nature and consider myself a damn hippe
. During stage three I started having these same thoughts of OMG I'm going to be alone. Knowing what I do, I would simply release them and move on. I also got that negative little voice in my head. I was a bit more fragile and easily put off. I'm not sure what it was but I just knew it was stage three. I went off and did what I wanted to anyway and as expected it all went off without a hitch.I will say that my one week away from my healthy life transformation and I started to eat crappy food again and craved junk. I am dead-set against ever going back to that but man the cravings were terrible. Even satiating them would bring guilt and then I would experience those illness feelings from eating crap to begin with. Ahh that vicious cycle
! Somehow, someway I knew it had to do with stage three. I'm not sure how but it was like all my past failures were regressing, but I also knew I had to get through them because my gold was three feet away. I had a good laugh though.Well today I started at stage 4 and it was like an instant change in attitude and altitude. Its almost like immediately everything that was bothering simply melted away. I'm not sure if this was my mind playing tricks on me but I'm pretty in tune with my mind, body and spirit as I journal extensively. Those years I struggled with anxiety, fear, depression and hating myself I learned so much from and know what's happening in my own mind. Besides its my reality and I invited you in
.There are noticeable things that are happening otherwise for the positive though. EVERYONE has said how much calmer I am. Things just don't bother me as much anymore, but this is pretty normal of me now. I just let things vibe off me and don't sweat the small stuff. Since I've started its becoming more noticeable though to others. My ex girlfriend doesn't even try to get my gall up anymore. She called me the other day with some crap and after about three minutes of telling me how stupid I am and such a jerk she actually admitted she called me intentionally to piss me off. Since that didn't work anymore did I want to come over and fuck her? I told her I might be free Thursday (today) but turns out I had other plans. Maybe next time
.Another ex is just completely psycho and we have been getting along just great. Its like she is on lithium around me. Her BFF, another friend of mine, is a bit flaky and quite honestly not a good person. She wanted to poison another of her friends who was pregnant because the girl was drinking wine. She felt it was better to murder the baby than allow the mother to have baby with potential FAS. I just reminded her about the insanity and stopped talking to her rather than arguing with the stupidity!.
Okay Buckystars is closing. I have to go. Yeah this program absolutely ROCKS and I see fantastic results. FANTASTIC!
