Disconnect from negativity within

[Gbjorklu]

Holy crap, last night was brutal. Listening to the masked subliminal stirred up some stuff in me that felt about 100 times more powerful than the ultrasonic. I experienced a lot of anxiety. I'll see how it affects me tonight, hopefully it decreases over the next few days. Probably the volume difference I'm not used to.

That being said, I'm just pushing through it all. At this point it doesn't even phase me how intense those feelings can be sometimes. My desire to change is just too strong to let any of that stand in my way.

I really relate to you Matt and I am probably 30 years older-who's counting. It is looking in the mirror reading your comments. I have no answers for your anxiety, I have my own, probably my ego has enveloped me to accept it as the way it is. I am light years more confident than I was at your age, yet still fragile. Last night reading Tolles, "Awakening to Your Life's Purpose" specifically about the pain-body made alot of sense and created lots of anxiety of my own mis-identification I have with myself. He says - my intrepretation - you need to accept the pain-body by being present, observing it and accepting it, so it withers with its cousin the ego. I have read much about achieving happiness from many great people and one of the common themes throughout is- observe yourself, don't identify with your emotions, joy cannot come to you-ever. It must come from within you and who you are, or your conciousness.

Sorry for my rambling. Things will get better-just let go and be you and I will try and do the same-peace.

[mat422]

Holy crap, last night was brutal. Listening to the masked subliminal stirred up some stuff in me that felt about 100 times more powerful than the ultrasonic. I experienced a lot of anxiety. I'll see how it affects me tonight, hopefully it decreases over the next few days. Probably the volume difference I'm not used to.

That being said, I'm just pushing through it all. At this point it doesn't even phase me how intense those feelings can be sometimes. My desire to change is just too strong to let any of that stand in my way.

I really relate to you Matt and I am probably 30 years older-who's counting. It is looking in the mirror reading your comments. I have no answers for your anxiety, I have my own, probably my ego has enveloped me to accept it as the way it is. I am light years more confident than I was at your age, yet still fragile. Last night reading Tolles, "Awakening to Your Life's Purpose" specifically about the pain-body made alot of sense and created lots of anxiety of my own mis-identification I have with myself. He says - my intrepretation - you need to accept the pain-body by being present, observing it and accepting it, so it withers with its cousin the ego. I have read much about achieving happiness from many great people and one of the common themes throughout is- observe yourself, don't identify with your emotions, joy cannot come to you-ever. It must come from within you and who you are, or your conciousness.

Sorry for my rambling. Things will get better-just let go and be you and I will try and do the same-peace.

I think all sufferers of anxiety are looking for an answer, whether consciously or subconsciously. And what you said about your ego enveloping you to accept it, is something I have experienced as well. The only answer we seem to receive is to keep pushing through the anxiety and eventually we will outgrow it. We learn to cope a lot better, but honestly nobody ever has much of an answer.

Like you I also read a lot about not identifying with emotions. These old teachings are very valuable and can improve your life. However, I am a guy that questions everything and as such I don't stick to tradition. My experience with dissolving the ego and not identifying with the emotions is a band aid solution at times. It's comparable to a wound that you ignore instead of seeking medical attention for, the pain may subside, you may convince yourself that all is well, but the truth still lies beneath the surface. The wound may heal on it's own, but sometimes it requires further attention. Subliminals seek to fix the wounds that afflict your mind and heal things from the root.

Hundreds of years ago, this technology was not around. But I can assure you that subliminals are the next step up. Age old wisdom is sometimes looked upon as infallible, believe it or not when I started listening to these subliminals I was actually opposed to it because it wasn't "natural". Nothing could be further from the truth. These subliminals give us access to our minds at an accelerated rate compared to how long it takes using traditional methods.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, the anxiety isn't a part of you. You can understand that concept consciously. But in order to internalize it, you have to experience it. And that is what the subliminals do.

I guess I started rambling too haha. But I just really wanted to let you know about my experience with Tolle. The man rehashed age old concepts and presented them in a way that the general public could digest. He makes a lot of money. Take everything he says with a grain of salt, because I fell into the trap of seeing everything he said as the absolute 100 percent truth.

[mat422]

This is going to be a little rant or vent about what I'm currently facing. I'm 21 now, over the years I've gradually come to realize adulthood in a painful and very depressing way. When I was a kid there was all this talk about finding your passion in life, following your dreams, never getting stuck in a job you hate. That I had all this freedom to be and achieve anything I wanted. Growing up my social anxiety crushed what little happiness I had in life, left me unable to function or hold down a job, decreased my own self worth, and left me with a longing to experience life like everyone else.

I feel like I don't have dreams or ambitions. I just want to live a life that isn't full of suffering. I see people get stuck in jobs they hate, work paycheck to paycheck just to feed themselves and get by. I tell myself I don't want to live like that. But honestly, I don't think I have a choice. I can talk about what life should be like, how to never let fear dictate your life, never settling, etc. but the fact is, most of the time I'm just all talk. My actions have yet to manifest in life. I feel aware of it all, but still powerless to stop it.

Maybe that's just heavy resistance from the subliminal popping up. I'm just really trying to get by and move past everything. I have brief moments of clarity where I feel capable. But then it's only the smallest steps towards something like sending out a resume or making one phone call to an employer. Yeah it's a step in the right direction, but it's not enough and I'm just frustrated beyond belief that I'm afflicted with all this difficulty in my life. Even if it's all just mental and a product of my own mind, it doesn't detract from my struggle with it.

This whole post sounds like a bit of a downer, but I'm just feeling overwhelmed lately. I thought I had things sorted out and I felt good for a while. I was going to go back to college and get a bachelors degree, just so my resume could look better. It's just a necessary evil in the business world. No matter how much I protest how college is a money making business, it doesn't change the fact that employers will literally toss out your resume if you don't have a 4 year degree. But then I realized even if I got out I'd still have to look for a job, still have to put myself out there, still have to pay off tremendous student loans, and I just lost it. I hate to admit it but I'm crushed relatively easily by obstacles. I wish I could just freeze time and use these subliminals until I had the right mindset to navigate this crazy world.

And then I stop to wonder, is it really all me? Or is the system just beyond screwed up and being that I've already got some difficulties it just makes it that much harder.

I'm gonna try to feel better tomorrow. But to leave this post with a positive note to balance out the negative. I stayed consistent to my workout routine, so at least I'm taking care of my physical health. It has boosted my energy level and made me feel healthier, so I can be thankful for that. My parents are sympathetic of my situation and doing their best to help me out, so I'm grateful for awesome parents. I'm continuing to grow as a person, even if I can't see it, so at least I have to give myself a pat on the back for continually trying to improve instead of settling for defeat. That's about it, my life isn't full of tremendously positive things, but I'm thankful for the few things I do have.

[SexyMofo]

Hey Mat i just thought maybe ESE might be of help for you. It has solved my social anxiety and other interrelated issues that have been persistently plaguing me even after doing alpha male. It has made me feel better and better each day. I have had little to no resistance while running the sub for 25 days now. I believe it would really benefit you my friend. just my two cents here

[mat422]

Hey Mat i just thought maybe ESE might be of help for you. It has solved my social anxiety and other interrelated issues that have been persistently plaguing me even after doing alpha male. It has made me feel better and better each day. I have had little to no resistance while running the sub for 25 days now. I believe it would really benefit you my friend. just my two cents here

Thanks for the help man. I'll definitely look into that after I finish up this sub, or maybe run it alongside the overcome fear.

[mat422]

My mind was screaming at me today to go back to the speakers and abandon the headphones. But ultimately it's my choice and I'm going to stick with headphones.

Looking back on my other post about everything, that was just me spewing out all the garbage that's been floating around in my head lately. And I think, I tend to feel bad about feeling bad sometimes. I have guilt when I'm depressed or feeling down. And sometimes I forget that I'm not just doing nothing and giving up. I'm listening to these subliminals and going through a transition and changing for the better.

But it's been a common theme in my life, I see where I want to be and it's a slow journey there. I've been seeing change, but it's relatively small change and I keep comparing it to the big picture and coming up short. I keep feeling like I'm making excuses and not trying hard enough. But I'm giving it all I've got even when it doesn't look like much.

The bad days, they just really blind me to the possibilities and success I can have. I can't make heads or tails of it sometimes. I think I've moved past it, but it comes back to haunt me another day. And when I'm like this everything becomes untrue. Like all my progress was just an illusion and I'm just lying to myself so I don't have to face the painful truth of still being stuck in the same place. It sounds so ridiculous, but it's like one of those faulty beliefs I can't shake. I start becoming more worried about what I'm going to do with my life and if I'll be stuck like this forever.

I think I'm going to try antidepressants. I've been opposed to medication for a while now and I've always said it's a last resort. I have had suicidal thoughts in the past, but ultimately I was just looking for an escape. And I realized that life can get better, I just need to hold on. Right now so much of my energy is being directed at controlling my own thinking and emotions and not falling into a worse state. Even if I just use antidepressants as a crutch to pull myself together and get my life back on track, I guess that's ok. I'm not even sure if pulling myself back together is even a good term. Ever since I was 13 I've always felt this painful feeling that I assumed others felt and just were better at overcoming it. It never really left me, I just got really good at coping with it. So honestly I'm not sure how much I buy the chemical imbalance thing, but my family has a history of mental disorders that may cause me to be predisposed to it. Is it possible? Maybe. It's hard to tell these things.

[mat422]

Today I feel a little better. I had a real heart to heart with my mom about how I've been feeling lately. I'm not really open with either of my parents. The things I've struggled with I always tend to keep to myself and want to fix on my own. I just hate telling anyone about how I really feel. I feel like some of my social anxiety is carrying around those feelings and trying really hard to not expose that part of myself. Or just having to fake it sometimes, so I don't seem out of place.

Anyway I went over some of my old posts and they are full of ups and downs. The subliminals have defninitely changed me. I know I've changed, I'm not the same guy I was a couple of years ago. But there is a consistent pattern I've felt in my life. And it's just sometimes I have to stop being so headstrong and really take a good look at things. For the amount of negatives that I tend to get caught up in, I'm actually a really optimistic and positive person. I don't give up easily and I'm always striving to find a way to move past my obstacles.

But here's where things get a little tricky. I'm paranoid almost. Beliefs and the subconscious mind tends to make me have a black and white attitude that I'm so prone to. So if I'm feeling depressed, I tell myself no and ignore it. I'm so hooked on the idea that our thoughts manifest reality and sometimes I'm worried about some of the things that pop up. I tell myself that I'm getting better, which is a great thing to say if it's true. But at what point do I have to realize that lying to myself isn't always the best idea? I feel like when things are bad everything is my fault, that I did this because I just wasn't positive enough. At times it's seriously screwed with my empathy for others. Because while I was in my power through it stage, I minimize everyone else's feelings and close off because sometimes being reminded about how I feel deep down inside bothers me. I'm not being very articulate here. But I guess what I'm trying to say is, I like being positive but I also want to be realistic.

And it got me thinking. When I was a kid I had poor eyesight. I had an astigmatism in my left eye and consequently developed a lazy eye because my right one decided to work only. I got exercises from a doctor, made a full recovery of my lazy eye, but I wear glasses or contacts to this day. My left eye has a defect. I read a book recently about healing eyesight. For what it presented it could work for individuals with poor eyesight because of bad habits or progressive weakening because of over prescribed glasses. But unless I can physically change the lens or cornea of my left eye, I will never have perfect vision. That's the fact. Can my body actually reshape my cornea? I'm not sure, I'd try it with subliminals, but even those have the extent of their power that I'm not sure of.

What I'm getting at is the brain is an organ, just like any other part of the body. It's not immune to it's own defects or problems. I have to at least consider the fact that this is a possibility. And leaving it out completely based on personal bias would be foolish of me. And like anything in life medication isn't set in stone, maybe I'll only need it for a while and I'll be able to turn things around. The way I see it, I don't expect just medication to solve everything. I'm doing my own therapy, subliminals, and in combination with the medication hopefully things can get better.

[Spiral]

I have an unusual case of paranoia as well.. but over the last 2 years things have subsided some and I'm thankful. Earlier this month, I went to the ER because I thought I had something stuck in my trachea.. and I swear to god I did. But as soon as I went to the ER, and went to a suggested pulmanologist about the issue (er people sent me to wrong guy) I felt better about the situation and forgot about it. My mom said it was a coincidence it happened then and you are probably dealing with anxiety and stress. I knew that's what the deal was with my elbow.. but my throat? What the hell? Now nothing's there anymore..

Sometimes you just need somebody to tell you it's going to be ok. That takes a ton of weight off of my shoulders anytime I'm in a pickle. Literally.. anyone can tell me it's going to be fine. Has to be a close "anyone". But even if they are lieing and really don't know it's works wonders for my conscience. Sometimes you gotta talk it out. I personally don't recommend a therapist (but what do I know). Continue talking with your mom or father. I can't talk to my father because he can jump to conclusions way too fast and not hear out some of the "nonsense" I feel like I'm going through.

I figure maybe in your case since your paranoia is so dominant in your thinking.. try the peace, serenity and tranquility sub. OR Zen Mindset. I still have some hurtful and unhealthy thoughts projected onto myself from time to time. Less now than before.. but i just deal with it. It's nothing to worry about. If you let it bother you it could manifest something so be careful. If you continue to be affected emotionally that is a bad thing and you definitely need to seek whatever help you can for it. I was lucky and just used Shannon's subs and not had to go to a therapist.. i still think about it sometimes but not sure if that's the best course of action for me since it's just all irrational bs anyways...

[mat422]

I have an unusual case of paranoia as well.. but over the last 2 years things have subsided some and I'm thankful. Earlier this month, I went to the ER because I thought I had something stuck in my trachea.. and I swear to god I did. But as soon as I went to the ER, and went to a suggested pulmanologist about the issue (er people sent me to wrong guy) I felt better about the situation and forgot about it. My mom said it was a coincidence it happened then and you are probably dealing with anxiety and stress. I knew that's what the deal was with my elbow.. but my throat? What the hell? Now nothing's there anymore..

Sometimes you just need somebody to tell you it's going to be ok. That takes a ton of weight off of my shoulders anytime I'm in a pickle. Literally.. anyone can tell me it's going to be fine. Has to be a close "anyone". But even if they are lieing and really don't know it's works wonders for my conscience. Sometimes you gotta talk it out. I personally don't recommend a therapist (but what do I know). Continue talking with your mom or father. I can't talk to my father because he can jump to conclusions way too fast and not hear out some of the "nonsense" I feel like I'm going through.

I figure maybe in your case since your paranoia is so dominant in your thinking.. try the peace, serenity and tranquility sub. OR Zen Mindset. I still have some hurtful and unhealthy thoughts projected onto myself from time to time. Less now than before.. but i just deal with it. It's nothing to worry about. If you let it bother you it could manifest something so be careful. If you continue to be affected emotionally that is a bad thing and you definitely need to seek whatever help you can for it. I was lucky and just used Shannon's subs and not had to go to a therapist.. i still think about it sometimes but not sure if that's the best course of action for me since it's just all irrational bs anyways...

Sounds kind of like hypochondria. That's definitely a strange experience.

Thing is when someone tells me it's going to be ok it never really does much for me. I wish it did. But I always feel this sense of impending doom almost. And it just feels irrational, but it's hard to shake.

Thanks for the suggestions though I'll definitely keep them in mind. The fact is I'm not a professional, nor are my parents. And therapy really can't hurt to try. I can't really form a valid opinion of it unless I actually test it. But that's been my form of learning in life, always giving things a shot before dismissing them.

[Spiral]

Yea I didn't want to discourage you. I have always wanted to try a hypnotist myself. I guess that's like a therapist but do what ever you have to do man!

[mat422]

Switched back to the speakers. Not because of resistance, well maybe. But I was having some difficulty sleeping at night. Less sleep plus these subliminals just made for a really really bad feeling overall. Last night I feel like I had much better rest and things don't feel as bogged down as the past few days. Sleep is really important for me, the last thing I want to do is screw that up. Also I had a tendency to pull out my earbuds at night in a sleepy haze in order to get better rest, so yeah might have to add on a couple of days.

Not much to report on this sub. I'm still feeling depressed. But as usual I'm staying positive, watching for the negative thoughts, and just trying to make the best of things. My insurance is changing so I'm gonna have to wait before seeing a therapist. The first time I went to a therapist I told him all about my rigorous mental control and how I know my triggers and how to avoid becoming worse. I've been on a few boards for dealing with depression and what I see there kind of upsets me. Posts upon posts of people willingly pulling themselves down into that negativity and not wanting to get better. I've been there before, there's a certain kind of comfort, despite the pain, in not attempting to fight back. But to a certain degree there is a choice. While you may not be free from it, you can prevent it from getting worse. Exercising that much responsibility is important.

Depression is something that happens to you, not something that is you. Which is hard to remember when you feel like your thoughts are true and your reality is distorted by negativity. I've learned a lot over the years about not "falling in" so to speak. I can't really say that I've beaten it, I don't know what that feels like. But I do manage it. And I look forward to the day when I have beaten it.

For now I'm going to take a look back at my old journal entries from alpha and see if I can pull out anything that may help me feel good.

[mat422]

So last night I had a really extreme dream. Just this feeling of raw fear. I don't even really remember the content of the dream. It was just, painful almost. It was a strange dream because I felt the fear in a different part of my body. Like it was attached to my side and it was drilling through my skin.

This prompted me to reassess how this subliminal has been making me feel. Fear has definitely been minimized. I'm not superman, but yeah things just seem more doable. It's doing something for sure. And it just makes me think of all the people that say that you can't get rid of fear, you have to face fear, fear is with you for the rest of your life, make friends with fear, etc. Fear is and always has been, in my eyes, a prison. And fear is used to control a lot of the time. People have been rationalizing for years why they need fear only because they didn't know any other way of dealing with it. I've always been curious of doing a brain scan of an extreme sports athlete and comparing their brain activity to that of a person who would not partake in those activities out of fear.

Anyway, something else I'm trying to come to terms with is guilt. I've been having a hard time with depression for a while now. Ups and downs, pushing through, congratulating myself, things getting a little better, and growing. But there's always this guilt that I'm feeling this way. My situation isn't bad, and it just frustrates me why I have these feelings. I think the overcome fear sub is allowing me to be more honest about how I've been feeling. I've always had a fear of what others think because depression has such a stigma attached to it. And what happened was I kept pushing and pushing, and when I didn't feel better I felt guilty and like I wasn't trying hard enough. That other people could overcome all this, and I just couldn't.

Well right now I'm taking a different stance. I'm acknowledging that it's there and seeing help. I can't choose to feel any other way throughout the day. I can prevent myself from getting overly negative and digging myself deeper into a hole though. It's better for me to not expend so much energy in trying to change that feeling and just focus on not putting so much unnecessary guilt on myself. Because telling myself I need to try harder or to fix all this on my own just does the opposite and makes me feel worse.

And also I've only had my own life experience to go on. I'm pretty introspective and feel like I know myself inside out. But admittedly I'm biased, and because of that sometimes it makes it impossible for me to be objective about my situation.

[Shannon]

Mat... you are so closely following in my footsteps it's scary. I had a lazy eye, and mine would switch off. I had surgery for it, and I was one of the first people in the world to get that kind of corrective surgery.

You also are doing something I have done a lot in the past, and that is trying to assume responsibility for everything, even if it's not yours. I used to get so upset because I thought I had to do everything perfectly, be perfect, be everything to everyone... and it was killing me. Then I had someone say to me, "Hey, Shannon, get over yourself. The world is not your responsibility. You're not perfect, and you never will be. And you cannot do a better job than the best you can do. Stop trying to be perfect, and be everything to everybody, and do everything perfectly. Perfection is a journey, not something you'll ever achieve in this life."

And when I truly understood that, and let go of that assumption of responsibility and demand for perfection... I let go of so much weight. I felt so free. And ever since, with an occasional exception when I forget myself, I have been so much happier.

So Mat... accept yourself. Let go of your insistence on always perfectionism. The world is not black and white, and nothing in it is either. All or nothing thinking always gets you in trouble.

I think you would do well using Overcoming Guilt, Shame and Fear, along with Forgive Yourself and Let It Go.

[Spiral]

Thanks Shannon.. this post has helped me.