Disconnect from negativity within

[mat422]

38 days so far with the overcome fear sub. I can't say that the sub has had no effect, but I feel like I'm turning my wheels in mud lately. I'm really not sure if I should switch to a different sub or keep using this one. The problem I'm seeing is again fear. I believe I tend to resist subs a lot due to fear. So I'm trying to remove this fear by using this subliminal, but the fear is keeping the fear in place if that makes any sense.

On the outside I look very laidback, and for the most part I am. But there is something about not having control that bothers me. I generally don't like having circumstances out of my control or unknown factors. That's the thing, it's not the sub itself I'm resisting, it seems more like the results of the sub that I'm scared of. And it's such a deep fear that I feel I've had for a lot of my life.

But again that's why I decided to see a therapist. There are just some things that I can't tackle on my own.

[Shannon]

Do you suppose that thoughts of giving up might be a way your subconscious is trying to resist? I suggest you use it for 90 days and see what you think then. Obviously you have to give it more time.

[mat422]

Do you suppose that thoughts of giving up might be a way your subconscious is trying to resist? I suggest you use it for 90 days and see what you think then. Obviously you have to give it more time.

I'll do that. When I wrote that I was in a bit of a bad place. I hadn't even thought of it being a part of resistance to the sub. I'll have to watch my thinking more with regards to that. The one thing I always feel like my mind says is "this is the way things are and you'll never really change it or it's going to be incredibly difficult to do so". Now I can see that as a form of resistance to change, rather than the absolute truth I seemed to take it for.

And as a side note, I refrain from really telling anyone about these subliminals. There's so much negativity out there and I just feel like if I tell someone about this, that's more negativity on my subconscious level that I have to fight instead of enjoying the subliminals. When the changes are small it's easy for other's opinions to get inside my head. I brush off what they say, but I tend to hold onto it too.

[Shannon]

It is often better to keep one's mouth shut in such cases.

[mat422]

I think I might be getting better. Today I woke up feeling better and ready to tackle the fear more. Like I can start moving forward again. I usually have a lot of anxiety looking for jobs and sending out my resume, but I feel like I don't have a block from doing that anymore, so I'm going to focus on job searching today.

I kind of feel like I have my good days and bad days. On my good days I feel like I can handle this stuff and I've got control over my life. On my bad days I feel like I need some outside help. This has been a recurring theme in my life, which is probably why I'm always reluctant to visit a therapist because I have a few days of feeling good. But regardless I'm still going to see one.

It's like stop and go for me kind of. I can have days where it's doable and what fear I have I can push through. And then some days where I have trouble doing that. I don't like waiting stuff out, because the common consensus is that it's better to keep pushing and moving past everything. But I feel like pushing too much I recoil back into my comfort zone and it makes things worse. Sometimes it's just better to give myself some space for a couple of days and then I have more strength to do something. It's like hyping myself up never really did much, it always has to come from within when I'm ready and then I have some real confidence behind it instead of faking it.

And I realized one more thing. A lot of my fear surrounding jobs is being fired or feeling like it's the end of the world if I screw something up. I realized I might have trouble with taking jobs too seriously. Like life or death seriousness. But when I look around at all the slackers or incompetent people that still hold onto their jobs it makes me feel more relaxed. I think maybe that's my perfectionism, every business has mistakes and that's taken into account most the time.

In general I feel like I take life way too seriously. I'm not sure, but I have a feeling it might be due to my parents financial worries while I was growing up. My dad would get stressed at bills, come home and tell me to not get stuck working a job like him and to find something I really want to do in life. Just a lot of fear about my life not being in control and being in debt. I just wonder how I would feel if both my parents were in a profession they enjoyed and were making good money, enough not to worry about it.

[mat422]

Ok there is definitely something strange going on here. I feel euphoric right now. And whenever I think of something that gives me anxiety it's like it's being converted into energy that gives me the courage to do it. I still have the anxiety slightly but it's like the tables have turned almost. Prior to this event the fear would squash any positive thoughts I had and was like a big bully. Now it's the opposite, the fear I have is constantly being fought back and it's like my mind is refusing to yield to it's negativity.

Come to think of it, this started in the morning. Usually I have trouble getting out of bed in the morning, it's when all that negativity beats down on me. Today I was like ok I've had enough of this, I don't care what you are throwing at me I'm tired of it. But it was different, it wasn't just willpower, it was just like I could do it, that I didn't have to get sucked into that negativity. I had some coffee this morning though, I hope this isn't just me being wired up on caffeine. I only had one cup though, there's no way it could effect my emotional state this much.

And now even thinking that I'm imagining the effects here, I'm thinking to myself be quiet. This is real, this is a real positive change, don't get down on yourself with the negativity of it not being real.

I'm thinking maybe the subliminal finally broke through the resistance. I hope that's what it did. I feel like for the first time in a long time I don't have to try so hard just to maintain a state of being ok. It's just there and it feels so freeing. I honestly can't remember the last time I felt like this. I'm just hoping I'm over that huge hump and I'll be moving forward from now on. It's pretty surreal right now. Now I'm just worried I have bipolar or something and I'm going through a mania phase haha. Well I'll see how everything is tomorrow. I know life has its ups and downs, but I feel like I've been missing out on my ups and I'd like them back.

[Shannon]

Congratulations, Mat. Now don't expect, but also don't be surprised if, there are more steps to be taken. Allow yourself to acknowledge your victories, but don't put all your eggs in one basket; there may be more work to do. And if there is, then don't throw away the good you have accomplished.

[mat422]

Congratulations, Mat. Now don't expect, but also don't be surprised if, there are more steps to be taken. Allow yourself to acknowledge your victories, but don't put all your eggs in one basket; there may be more work to do. And if there is, then don't throw away the good you have accomplished.

Thanks Shannon. I guess I get so hyped up haha, but I'll be sure to remember this day and know that it is possible and not just a pipe dream.

Something interesting that happened that I became aware of, mostly due to that tangled knot of personal issues that effect me, there's never just one thing I find. So fear, I find, heavily suppressed my ability to express anger and frustration at people in a healthy manner. And I took to trying to release anger because I saw it as a "bad" emotion, which was really just the fear causing me to retreat because I was worried about the consequences of expressing it. So I'm pretty sure I had a lot of internalized anger because I never had an outlet for it, but I'm seeing now how anger is a normal emotion and also has to be expressed.

Now even more of a realization. I've found that in my past my resistance to taking on alpha male qualities was not because I liked being more of a pacifist, but because of hidden fear of dealing with confrontation. It's funny how my mind developed all these defense mechanism that I started to see as the truth instead of acknowledging the problems deep down. The fear that held me back and I just started to rationalize around that fear until I firmly believed everything I told myself.

[mat422]

Odd that the people who do use it successfully keep telling me, "Oh, sure, I'll go talk about my experience on your forum," but nothing happens.

I can't reply in your thread Shannon, so maybe you'll see this. I've been thinking about subliminals lately and how even if people get success from them they remain tight lipped. I think people might have embarrassment or feel weird about using subliminals. For a lot of people, they believe subliminals aren't even real, like it's just a work of fiction. We aren't able to nurture the positive experience of subliminals outside of this forum as much because people tend to be behind with regards to self development and growth.

So what I'm thinking is, that keeping the personal experience to oneself feels good. But, even though anonymous, when they write about it online it's out in the world and beyond the safety of their own mind. I just feel like that triggers them to start comparing themselves or worrying what other's think of their use of subliminals. I guess it's similar to individuals who go to a therapist, many of them feel like they have to keep it a secret.

Maybe, if you haven't already thought about it, implementing a suggestion for being proud of using subliminals to grow as a person would help people be more open. For now at least. In the future I have a feeling a lot of this stuff is going to go mainstream and it's going to become just as acceptable as going to a doctor for an ailment.

As a side note, I'm still feeling good today. I think things finally clicked. I still have a little bit of emotional turmoil pop up throughout the day. I found myself actively resisting it yesterday because I didn't want to lose all that progress. But when I relaxed and let it pass I realized that the changes were still there and fear didn't have as much control as it once did.

"Don't think you are, know you are". Honestly that quote just about sums up my experience with subliminals. After a while this behavior becomes automatic, there isn't really any conscious trying or exerted willpower. It's a hell of a lot better than the fake it till you make it attitude.

[mat422]

I kind of just realized I may not be getting the full effect from these subliminals. Two factors. One, is I'm quite sensitive to ultrasonics and I find that I have to lower the volume otherwise I get a headache, unfortunately this means less volume. While it does show results, I think I'm better off with the masked. Number two, currently my speakers are both sitting on the same table next to me. So although they are stereo, I'm not getting the left right separation as well as headphones.

So I'm going to rig up something so I can wear headphones at night. Probably gonna buy a headband and then stick some cheap headphones inside of them and wear that. Or just look for some really comfy headphones I can wear to sleep.

Ah this brings me back to my days of making subliminals haha. I gotta say for what little I knew about making them, looking back there were definitely some improvements in my life. I guess actually hearing something gives me some comfort over the ultrasonics. No doubt ultrasonics work, but good old masked subliminals seem to get the job done just fine for me.

[mat422]

Holy crap, last night was brutal. Listening to the masked subliminal stirred up some stuff in me that felt about 100 times more powerful than the ultrasonic. I experienced a lot of anxiety. I'll see how it affects me tonight, hopefully it decreases over the next few days. Probably the volume difference I'm not used to.

That being said, I'm just pushing through it all. At this point it doesn't even phase me how intense those feelings can be sometimes. My desire to change is just too strong to let any of that stand in my way.

[Shannon]

Holy crap, last night was brutal. Listening to the masked subliminal stirred up some stuff in me that felt about 100 times more powerful than the ultrasonic. I experienced a lot of anxiety. I'll see how it affects me tonight, hopefully it decreases over the next few days. Probably the volume difference I'm not used to.

That being said, I'm just pushing through it all. At this point it doesn't even phase me how intense those feelings can be sometimes. My desire to change is just too strong to let any of that stand in my way.

It's not the volume difference, it's the perfect stereophonics. The masked subliminals are always going to present the subliminal audio in lower volume than the ultrasonic. If you'd done the same thing (headphones) with ultrasonics, it would have been even more powerful still. Of course volume is important to be extremely careful with in ultrasonic and headphones.

[mat422]

Holy crap, last night was brutal. Listening to the masked subliminal stirred up some stuff in me that felt about 100 times more powerful than the ultrasonic. I experienced a lot of anxiety. I'll see how it affects me tonight, hopefully it decreases over the next few days. Probably the volume difference I'm not used to.

That being said, I'm just pushing through it all. At this point it doesn't even phase me how intense those feelings can be sometimes. My desire to change is just too strong to let any of that stand in my way.

It's not the volume difference, it's the perfect stereophonics. The masked subliminals are always going to present the subliminal audio in lower volume than the ultrasonic. If you'd done the same thing (headphones) with ultrasonics, it would have been even more powerful still. Of course volume is important to be extremely careful with in ultrasonic and headphones.

Yeah, I'm going to stick with the masked. Too much potential risk with ultrasonics.

Although I've been having a bit of a rough past few days. At this point I'm not entirely sure if I'm not used to the more potent effects or if listening to the masked subliminal at night is preventing me from getting restful sleep because of the sound.

Yesterday I developed a bit of a tension headache at the start of the day and then it got worse. A lot of muscle tightness and overall an inability to relax my muscles. I had to really consciously try to let go of the tension, but then anxiety would pop up and cause me to be tense again.

It followed me into today a bit and I'm currently listening to the stress relief sub. It's helping me let go of the tension and I feel like I can relax again. I'm not sure if that's bad to use with the overcome fear sub and will stop me from pushing myself as much, but after a certain point anxiety and stress just leaves me unable to function. Too much of that and I end up with migraine headaches too.

So the question is, is this another part of resistance or is this simply me not getting enough sleep? I honestly can't tell. But I've fallen asleep before with my brother playing a movie in the next room, so I do feel that my mind can fall asleep even with noise. I think maybe the sub is triggering anxiety in me and it's keeping me awake at night. I'll try again tonight and see what happens.

[mat422]

Today was better. Woke up a little more tired than usual, but I'm guessing that's just the subliminal. I pretty much slept through the whole night, the sound of the ocean waves didn't bother my sleep.

I feel like it's hitting me a lot harder than the ultrasonic though. Hopefully I adapt to it because feeling worn out makes it hard for me to concentrate.

Despite being tired today I had myself a workout. I'm going to start getting back into a routine. But I'm pretty out of shape. So this week is going to be my break in period. Just trying to take it easy and not get too ahead of myself and burn myself out.