Disconnect from negativity within

[Patti]

Mat, are you quitting smoking???? Cause a lot of you descriptions decribe how I feel better than I could describe them myself! But I've always said you were a really good writer. And by the by, I tried using this sub as a pre-stop smoking sub for obvious reasons and it was very unpleasant for me. I know for sure, it's one I'll have to give much time for in the future....ugh! Looking forward to seeing you come out the other side...

[mat422]

Mat, are you quitting smoking???? Cause a lot of you descriptions decribe how I feel better than I could describe them myself! But I've always said you were a really good writer. And by the by, I tried using this sub as a pre-stop smoking sub for obvious reasons and it was very unpleasant for me. I know for sure, it's one I'll have to give much time for in the future....ugh! Looking forward to seeing you come out the other side...

Haha, no Patti no smoking for me. I find in life however that change is one of those things where it doesn't matter what you are changing. Rather it's the feelings and beliefs towards the idea of change, of moving towards the unknown.

I think a lot of those feelings are universal and even if they are worded differently, the same basic concept can be understood.

[Shannon]

Mat, one of the things that has helped me tremendously is this quote.

"No man ever became great, except through many and great mistakes." William E. Gladstone

In other words, those who excel and succeed, do so because they understood that the only failure is failure to keep trying. When you don't achieve your goals, or fall on your face, it's only a lesson in how not to do what you're trying to do. That teaches you what you do need to do.

This is seen in the efforts of many successful people, including yours truly. I am a perfectionist, which is why I am always trying to refine my programs, build methods, experimentation, and create new ways of doing things. Every time I don't achieve my goal, it's just a lesson in how to achieve my goal.

Depression in your case comes from hopelessness because some part of you is afraid of failure. You have set the bar so high for what is acceptable that it cannot be achieved... or you think so... and that produces hopelessness, which comes out as depression.

[mat422]

Mat, one of the things that has helped me tremendously is this quote.

"No man ever became great, except through many and great mistakes." William E. Gladstone

In other words, those who excel and succeed, do so because they understood that the only failure is failure to keep trying. When you don't achieve your goals, or fall on your face, it's only a lesson in how not to do what you're trying to do. That teaches you what you do need to do.

This is seen in the efforts of many successful people, including yours truly. I am a perfectionist, which is why I am always trying to refine my programs, build methods, experimentation, and create new ways of doing things. Every time I don't achieve my goal, it's just a lesson in how to achieve my goal.

Depression in your case comes from hopelessness because some part of you is afraid of failure. You have set the bar so high for what is acceptable that it cannot be achieved... or you think so... and that produces hopelessness, which comes out as depression.

This is definitely something that I'm trying to break down and create small steps instead of setting the bar too high. I mean it's great to achieve something, but this just feels like a recurring theme in my life.

In life mistakes are inevitable, I can't hide from stuff. But given my past history of social anxiety I feel at one point I decided that this made it very hard to be accepting of myself. When I was a teenager I just wanted to live a normal life without constantly feeling on edge. I really didn't care about being popular, I just wanted to be able to be myself without the intense anxiety and hypersensitivity to others. And after a while of not being able to deal with that anxiety, it definitely produced feelings of hopelessness in me.

To me that bar was set too high in my teenage years. And even now, I've definitely improved with the help of the subs. But I feel like I'm still not giving myself enough credit for how far I've come. I always feel like I get too ahead of myself and need to focus on smaller steps instead of giant leaps. Because once I start giving myself too much to handle I get overwhelmed and start having doubts about my ability to handle it. This in turn leads to depression because I feel like I can't make it in life. And once I hit that low, then I really need to focus on small things and not get any more overwhelmed.

Now that I think about it, I've felt a lot of this before about 2 years ago. When I had no idea what I was going to major in for college or do with my life. And those thoughts weigh heavy on my mind. And in high school it was always about do xyz, make sure you get into a good college, blah blah. There was this huge rush to get into college, build up your debt in student loans, and then get a degree that maybe you were happy with. God forbid you go to school late when you actually know what you want to learn about. The mentality of oh you'll figure it all out in college, just go, enjoy yourself. I don't know maybe it works for some people, but there were a hell of a lot of kids out there that went to college and partied their assess off for 3 years and then the real world hit them. And maybe their parents paid for college, in which case they don't have a care in the world. Maybe they've already got a job set up for them when they get out of college with some rich uncle or relative.

I've always been the kind of guy to analyze why I should do something. I don't do as I'm told just because everyone else is doing it. If anything I hate how some people don't question anything and just go along with it. I went to a community college because it was cheaper and also because I still didn't have any idea what I wanted to do. I thought I'd figure it out and I graduated with an associates. But I've got something under my belt, not sure if I do want to do it.

I just wish I could straighten out my head enough to figure out what I'd be happy doing because depression just saps the life out of you and you lose a lot of enjoyment. Makes it hard to get the right perspective.

And maybe a bit of that depression is just because of some of the attitudes in the U.S. The every man for himself mentality that some individuals have. Or the I'll step on everyone else and treat them like garbage so I can be on the top. Or the privileged rich individuals who are deluded into believing that other people aren't rich because they don't work hard enough, meanwhile they inherited their fortunes from family members. And that's not a dig at wealthy people, I admire people who can make a lot of money without compromising values or belittling others. I don't like individuals who are deluded into believing that because you don't make a lot of money you aren't trying hard enough or view themselves higher up than you or are incredibly greedy.

And there are really good people living in the U.S. as well. Just the negative sticks out like a sore thumb. For that reason I also hate the news. I still don't understand why there isn't a positive news network. But maybe it's just like anything else, to use fear to manipulate people. I believe there are more good people in the world and the bad people are in the minority. But the media leads us to believe that there is more negative than positive going on in the world.

[Sean]

I am getting that you are a man who chooses his own path; that you are a leader, not a follower. That sounds like an alpha to me, but that alpha is covered by layers of social conditioning and repression.

I think that if you ever choose to use the Alpha Male subliminals, you'll have quite an awakening and relief from many negatives you've been experiencing.

[mat422]

I am getting that you are a man who chooses his own path; that you are a leader, not a follower. That sounds like an alpha to me, but that alpha is covered by layers of social conditioning and repression.

I think that if you ever choose to use the Alpha Male subliminals, you'll have quite an awakening and relief from many negatives you've been experiencing.

I've actually been through alpha twice. But the 2011 version. Each time I gained a lot of new perspective and internalized a lot more alpha qualities. But I'm a really rough diamond. I still need some more polishing. Even before alpha though, I've felt I was a leader. But I just had a ton of stuff holding me back.

My changes have always been slow, but I've always made progress. I find that some guys on this forum had a jump on me so they are a bit ahead of the game. But I'm at my own pace and that's ok.

My only problem is I don't want potential customers to look at my experience and say "well he went through alpha twice and he's still got issues!" People have to understand where I came from and where I am now is a huge difference. Maybe not noticeable to others, but all that matters is that I've gotten better and I feel better. I want to be the inspiration for other guys that have started out in a rough position like me and give them hope for the future. Not everybody is the same, but we can all improve our lives for the better.

[Shannon]

Mat, how about this? I went through Alpha 2006, 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011 and now I'm going through 5.0 in 2012. That's 5 1/2 times I have been through it now. The good news is... I'm there! I'm over my social anxiety, and I actually seek out chances to talk to people and make friends and socialize now. Just this morning, I drove to the next town over just to have breakfast and flirt with women I never met before, because it's fun now. Tonight, I'm going out to play trivia with a group of new friends and flirt with three or four other women I know. Because it's fun now! And who cares if I bring someone home, or if anything happens? I have fun, I got out of the house, I balanced my workaholic tendencies with a little free and play time, and that's the goal. I would never have been able o do this without AM, but it didn't happen quickly for me either.

Alpha, indeed any personal growth, is not a race. Every man starts the journey at a different place. If I was worried what others thought, I'd never have made it through the first version, and AM wouldn't even exist. It's not about comparing yourself to others. It's about growing within yourself. If you are growing, guess what? You win! If not... you're still free to start any time.

You, sir, are growing. Therefore, who cares how long it takes you compared to anyone else? Don't think I'm losing sleep about making sales because of your personal progress. lol Anyone who reads your journal, and decides it doesn't work fast enough, without ever using it, is losing out, and that's their loss, not mine.

[Sean]

My changes have always been slow, but I've always made progress. I find that some guys on this forum had a jump on me so they are a bit ahead of the game. But I'm at my own pace and that's ok.

My only problem is I don't want potential customers to look at my experience and say "well he went through alpha twice and he's still got issues!" People have to understand where I came from and where I am now is a huge difference. Maybe not noticeable to others, but all that matters is that I've gotten better and I feel better. I want to be the inspiration for other guys that have started out in a rough position like me and give them hope for the future. Not everybody is the same, but we can all improve our lives for the better.

Mat, that's a fantastic attitude, man! No matter what anyone else gets from your experience, I think the important takeaway is that even from a really rough starting point, one can make incredible improvements in their lives. Whether it's resisted-and-slow or effortless-and-fast makes no difference. The fact that you're feeling better than you did before, and you're going to feel even better is IT.

Don't worry about what potential customers take away from your story. Your journey is about you.

[mat422]

Mat, how about this? I went through Alpha 2006, 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011 and now I'm going through 5.0 in 2012. That's 5 1/2 times I have been through it now. The good news is... I'm there! I'm over my social anxiety, and I actually seek out chances to talk to people and make friends and socialize now. Just this morning, I drove to the next town over just to have breakfast and flirt with women I never met before, because it's fun now. Tonight, I'm going out to play trivia with a group of new friends and flirt with three or four other women I know. Because it's fun now! And who cares if I bring someone home, or if anything happens? I have fun, I got out of the house, I balanced my workaholic tendencies with a little free and play time, and that's the goal. I would never have been able o do this without AM, but it didn't happen quickly for me either.

Alpha, indeed any personal growth, is not a race. Every man starts the journey at a different place. If I was worried what others thought, I'd never have made it through the first version, and AM wouldn't even exist. It's not about comparing yourself to others. It's about growing within yourself. If you are growing, guess what? You win! If not... you're still free to start any time.

You, sir, are growing. Therefore, who cares how long it takes you compared to anyone else? Don't think I'm losing sleep about making sales because of your personal progress. lol Anyone who reads your journal, and decides it doesn't work fast enough, without ever using it, is losing out, and that's their loss, not mine.

Thanks Shannon. It helps a lot hearing it from someone else . I'll get there, I know I will. I had a major shift in attitude today. I'm just keeping the momentum going, taking things one step at a time. That feeling of hopelessness is just a bad habit of mine and I'm starting to shift my thinking on how I relate to stuff. And I realized just how much I dug myself into a hole because now I'm thinking more clearly and I can see that things can and do change for the better.

Actually today I was talking to my mom about this stuff because in a lot of ways I'm like her. She sees the social anxiety as part of her, that it's her character or personality. I outright refuse to believe that. I told her that I don't see it as part of me, I see it as something that happens to me and I refuse to believe that this is who I am. There is nothing natural about having these fears and I think it's a damn shame that people are led to believe that "this is just who I am and I have to accept it". I know who I am and over the years I've grown to love and appreciate how different I can be. But I know for sure that person is still held back by fears which aren't me, which don't need to be a part of me.

It took me a while to detach from social anxiety and realize that it wasn't me. I feel like a lot of people that struggle with these issues begin to self identify with it and forget that it can be changed.

My changes have always been slow, but I've always made progress. I find that some guys on this forum had a jump on me so they are a bit ahead of the game. But I'm at my own pace and that's ok.

My only problem is I don't want potential customers to look at my experience and say "well he went through alpha twice and he's still got issues!" People have to understand where I came from and where I am now is a huge difference. Maybe not noticeable to others, but all that matters is that I've gotten better and I feel better. I want to be the inspiration for other guys that have started out in a rough position like me and give them hope for the future. Not everybody is the same, but we can all improve our lives for the better.

Mat, that's a fantastic attitude, man! No matter what anyone else gets from your experience, I think the important takeaway is that even from a really rough starting point, one can make incredible improvements in their lives. Whether it's resisted-and-slow or effortless-and-fast makes no difference. The fact that you're feeling better than you did before, and you're going to feel even better is IT.

Don't worry about what potential customers take away from your story. Your journey is about you.

Thanks Sean.

[mat422]

Ok so I got a burst of motivation and energy yesterday. This has happened before. The problem is, the willpower only lasts for so long and it drains me of energy incredibly fast. On top of that it stuffs me up emotionally and I feel like I'm not processing them correctly. And emotional suppression is very very stressful, I feel like I might be getting a stress headache today.

So instead of fighting it, I'm letting the emotions pass through me. But yesterdays realizations really helped me be more aware of my thinking and not letting that get out of hand.

So I'm still weathering the storm, but I'm better off not putting too much energy in trying to power through this. I think I started getting fed up with the cycle of negative thinking that I got stuck in, but now I'm doing a lot better at recognizing when that happens and redirecting that thinking. For me there's a very fine line between getting stuck in things and just outright denying them and trying to will stuff away.

Regardless there was a strong lesson I internalized the other day and I'd say that's good progress on my end.

I might be going to a therapist soon. I figured there really is no harm in getting some help and if it turns out they don't know what they are talking about, I can just leave. But I'm better off exploring my options than just slamming the door shut. I used to be kind of thick headed when it came to therapists, saying how could they possibly help me if I've spent so much time learning about myself. But I realize outside perspective is always good and sometimes it can be a big catalyst for change. No use making sweeping assumptions without at least trying it out. I definitely know I'm not gonna blab about my whole life story and have somebody sit there and nod. That won't do me any good. I'm going to articulate my problems as well as I can and see what they think.

[Sean]

When considering a therapist, interview them. Ask them what strategies they use to help their clients, and then determine who has a style that fits with what you want.

[mat422]

When considering a therapist, interview them. Ask them what strategies they use to help their clients, and then determine who has a style that fits with what you want.

Definitely Sean, thanks for the advice. In the past I'd go along with whatever they were saying. But now I can think of it as me hiring them, they have to fit my criteria otherwise I'll move on and look for someone better.

[mat422]

Things are looking up. I've been feeling better without trying and to me that's the greatest feeling ever. I think the hardest aspect of dealing with depression is wanting to just pull yourself out of it. And this just leads to me repressing my emotions and powering through the negativity. Which isn't bad, especially when I need to be able to. But there is such a profound difference between keeping the bad feelings at bay and just not having to use so much willpower to keep going.

It just makes me realize how the subconscious beliefs are just so important to get straightened out because from there things start to flow. And it's not to say that I expect life to be easy. I know everyone has difficulties in life. But there is such a tremendous difference in having a challenge vs feeling like you can't make it in life. If your mindset isn't very stable to begin with and then you take on challenges on top of that, you start to crumble.

I feel like some people look at it all the wrong way. That depressed individuals have to get out more or do something. That's their natural state! If they weren't depressed they would be doing those things. The solution is within the mind and fixing that first, so getting out and enjoying life doesn't feel like an obligation.

Anyway I just feel like the confidence is growing. I feel my fears have lessened which is strange. Because I think back to it and I try to replicate it and I just can't fathom why it was such a fearful thing. And I like it, because I feel like I'm not trying to be this way, I just am. It leaves me with so much more energy because my mind isn't preoccupied with using willpower to change how I feel.

[mat422]

Just something that's been on my mind and really venting my frustrations. I've been suffering from social anxiety for, I don't know how long. All I know is when I hit my teens, I was at a loss of words and I couldn't describe how I felt to anyone.

And I recently read the difference between how men and women cope with depression. Women tend to seek emotional support, to vent their feelings to feel better. Whereas men look for a solution or distraction and are reluctant to talk about feelings. I think stuff like this just causes men to worry too much about seeking help or being perceived as weak. While the sexes are different, you can't deny that fact, we are all human and humans all have emotions. Ideally I think we should all come to a place where we are masters of our emotions, allowing them to be, but not being controlled by it. I think how the study said men and women cope with depression is wrong and largely a result of social conditioning. The stoic man who is independent and never has emotions. And the woman who cries over everything and needs her friends and is unable to be independent. They are two extremes, with no middle ground. I swear everything in life is about balance, but humans tend to favor the extremes or have trouble seeing between the black and white.

Anyway I just wanted to say that because for me I've found that talking about my feelings can only do so much. I'm open about my emotions, but when you have a problem that feels like a splinter you've been trying to dig out of your head for close to 10 years it gets incredibly frustrating. Am I fearful of judgement and incredibly self conscious? Yes, I admit that. But I don't want to talk about it and get into the depths of it because I'm aware of how irrational it really is. To me I'm beginning to see more and more how this is tied to trauma as a kid and really bad impressions that made a profound impact on my subconscious mind. I set up this defense mechanism to protect myself, but it's not serving it's purpose any longer and it inhibits me. That's why I hate when people say "I was bullied and I became stronger from it or turned out fine". Yeah well let's not forget that people are individuals and how one reacts may not be the same as the other. This is why I think people tend to think that life events don't shape them as much as they really do.

But I guess what I'm trying to say is the last therapist I went to and described this problem, his solution was to get out more. Yeah, I get it I have to push past the fear. But let's be honest. Social anxiety isn't a normal thing. Maybe a little nervousness or self consciousness, but full blown anxiety, no I refuse to accept that. I feel like this is my situation. I've got a broken bone, I go to a doctor, I just want a cast so my bones can reset properly and be fixed. But instead the doctor wants to analyze far beyond what caused it. So let's say I broke it skateboarding, he'd ask me why I started skateboarding in the first place, what events in my prior life could have caused my fascination with skateboarding, when the first time I started skateboarding, etc. It sounds ridiculous, but I feel like that's what happens every time I go to a therapist. There is no doubt in my mind that some individuals really don't know what's wrong with them and talking helps, but when you know what's wrong it just makes it that much more frustrating when you feel like you can't change the behavior on your own. It's almost like living with chronic pain that nobody can treat.

But I've said it about a million different times. I'm so thankful for these subliminals. They just cut right to the root issue. And yeah you gotta put your own effort into it and keep trying to grow. I've always known on some level how all my anxious behavior in the past was almost on autopilot and I knew there was something deeper going on. I think right now the trend in psychology is that our thoughts affect our emotions. Which while true, you also have to address where the negative thoughts are coming from. Negative thoughts don't just pop out of thin air, they have a source. Like weeds, you have to get to the roots otherwise they'll grow back. I've experienced this first hand, those thoughts have a tendency to creep back in, sometimes in a different manner so stealthily you don't realize it.

I can only hope that medication for mental illness is slowly phased out and different options are explored more thoroughly. Or at the very least more research going into the medication they give people instead of guessing and using people as human guinea pigs. I find that most people that do struggle from depression, like serious depression, are usually very strong willed and try very hard to overcome it without medication. Unfortunately, there exists the individuals that just want their happy pill because they are unwilling to examine their own life and doctors readily hand these out like candy because they make money from it. It's ironic that the individuals who need it the most tend to avoid it, while the individuals that don't need it are content to just take them.

I guess that was my rant for today. I just kind of feel like I'm on the right path. Like this is the way to go. And all the naysayers and skeptics about subliminals, well that's their loss. I believe in the future this stuff is really gonna take off or at least being able to gain access to your mind like a computer and remove the "viruses" so to speak.