Detox Ain't A Rental: myth on UD

[myth]

Since the Universal Detox journals still seem to be in short supply, I'll toss one up. I've seen too many people assuming what results will be (myself included) and too few knowing how anyone actually responds to it. For those who missed my last DMSI journal post, I started UD last Monday.

As far as any physical detox goes, I'm skewing the sub results hard on that one. For one, my "detox stack" (as others might call it) has favored lipotropics, hepatoprotective flavonoids, choleretics, cholagogues, and enzyme-supporting minerals for months. For another, my typical diet isn't exactly most people's standard. 95% of my beverage consumption is bottled water, and the remaining 5% is usually coconut water or herbal tea. I've avoided soda for the last 60% of my life and could never stomach coffee. My food choices tend to be based on bodily reactions/needs, not on the food's taste, popularity, familiarity, calories, or convenience. So my starting point may not be very relatable. And hasn't changed on UD so far.

After my first week on UD, the only things that I can claim to have observed are one brief bout of unexplained euphoria, memorable horror-story nightmares worse than any in my life (pulling me through muck that I didn't know lived inside me), forgotten nightmares strong enough to have woken me up, general disorientation, a lack of interest in work, and a boatload of negative emotions (mostly sadness, paranoia, frustration, self-loathing, doubt, despair). Feels a lot like E1, but deeper, darker, broader, and (while sleeping) narrated by Hammer films. (No, I don't watch broadcast TV, so, if anything's been getting Halloween-ier as October approaches, I haven't seen it.) Doesn't feel as emotionally-shielded as I'd hope for it be, if it even is. Shannon's hit something visceral and very personally unsettling here. "Creep-tastic" feels like the appropriate adjective.

I've seen no obvious benefits just yet, and, if you've read my DMSI journal, you know that my feedback's usually more about observations and epiphanies while on the sub than opinions about the sub. I'd detail the nightmares observationally, but I'm not sure if that's wise while others face their own monsters. My usage is similar to my recent DMSI usage: recommended loops or higher, US/FLAC, alternating input (listening) and execute (non-listening) weeks, since something added to the 5.5G skeleton script (circa DMSI 3.0.1) keeps me mostly in input mode on listening days.

[Daredevil]

Great, I'm Starting UD in about a month. I hope you have a good run.

[myth]

Great, I'm Starting UD in about a month. I hope you have a good run.

Thanks. Still not sure where it's taking me yet. Not where I'd expected, at the very least. I'm taking this week as what I've been calling an "execute week" (no listening), so that might give me more of a hint about what last week installed. Or not. Feels awfully soon for a break, but I like sticking to a schedule to keep myself honest, and it's going to be an unusually busy week when excess disorientation would be less welcome anyhow.

[RTBoss]

Great, I'm Starting UD in about a month. I hope you have a good run.

Thanks. Still not sure where it's taking me yet. Not where I'd expected, at the very least. I'm taking this week as what I've been calling an "execute week" (no listening), so that might give me more of a hint about what last week installed. Or not. Feels awfully soon for a break, but I like sticking to a schedule to keep myself honest, and it's going to be an unusually busy week when excess disorientation would be less welcome anyhow.

You do a 1:1 ratio of on/off weeks?

[myth]

You do a 1:1 ratio of on/off weeks?

Since DMSI 3.0.1 came out at the end of last year, usually either 1:1 or 2:1 for on/off. Well, since this February, technically. Took me almost two months to notice that I'd stopped executing after going from 2.x to 3.0.1.

I know that it's not following the instructions (I hold only myself accountable if it fails), but, after ~24 years of mind programing, I know when I'm executing and when I'm not. I'm not sure if the week-based chunking is the "most" optimal for me, but it's worked better than not and it's easy to stick to. Generally, I choose 2:1 versus 1:1 based on upcoming events or workload, trying to keep the week off landing on whichever future week will be busy. And I only apply this to 5.5G subs released after 11/2016. With everything earlier, I executed while running it. I'd rather not take the breaks, since I get more input if I don't stop. But I make more forward progress if I execute periodically, which is why I refer to it as bootstrapping. Along the lines of Engelbart's Law.

[myth]

Had no intention of posting again so soon, but execute week is starting off unexpectedly. Went out for a couple of minutes to pick up take-out and found myself smiling involuntarily at nearly every pedestrian or passing car as if they were a cute pet that had just done something adorable. The food place had CNN on, which I watched as they prepared my order, and, against all logic or reason, I still couldn't stop smiling. It felt like a totally inappropriate response to my surroundings, but I just kept smiling. At home, before or after? No uncontrollable urge to smile. Strange.

Might not be related to UD, but, if not, I have no second theory. Definitely a 180-degree departure from the night-time horror reel. If this continues, alternating weeks could start feeling a bit bipolar until I find balance. If it's a waking/sleeping thing, I could end up feeling like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Sandman. Still completely at sea here, as none of these are observations that I'd expected to be reporting on this sub.

[myth]

Another observation. There seems to be a pervading emphasis on balance in my thought processes right now. For example, a cascading thought that was triggered from noticing, over time, how people appear to me after they've suddenly felt empowered during/after AM6, DMSI, E2, etc:

To me, the healthy finale to overcoming shame (over some personal attribute) is not pride (in that attribute). It's balanced self-satisfaction. Even if pride is often the first step to learning to achieve balance: an overcompensation after having finally gotten that stubborn pendulum to budge from the "shame" side. But pride is not where I would choose to stop. The end goal for me would be to get that pendulum to stabilize in the middle, independent of either extreme. Freedom from shame is liberating. But my current mindset is that freedom from both shame and pride is more liberating. Others are free to value pride, of course; it has an understandable appeal to those who've carried shame for so long and can be an effective first step toward balance. But I think that pride may still warp one's self-image (convex versus concave) and intrude into others lives, almost as a reversed directional flow/imposition as compared to shame. Going overboard while trying to break free of shame, where self-satisfaction does not. And I'm not trying to convince anyone of anything that I'm thinking, just report my own sense of things and where my own goals stand.

I've extrapolated this idea further (to all changes, not just shame) in my offline journal, including quirks of change that seem not only less mysterious but inherently natural, but I'm tempted to leave those extended ideas where they are, as I can't expect that others would even concede me the above paragraph, much less want me to expound on it any further. And I'd fully understand why they might not.

More directly related to UD: As a continuation of what I'd mentioned on Monday, it almost feels like there's an intermittent increase in unflappability toward incoming external negativity. Not a shield or imperviousness, but a calm, peaceful unbotheredness. Not continuous either, just sporadic moments of it. Nightmares are still ongoing too. Those keep messing with my sleep, which isn't exactly conducive to the physical side of detoxing.

[Benjamin]

This is sounding very cool, though not many are reporting on this program so i'm not totally sure.

I feel like it might be good to help healing more without that obsession on girls and sex, because with DMSI I kept getting pulled back to that which made it harder to work on healing. But reading 'detox' on the sales page makes me think it might not help.

But reading what you're saying in the last 2 posts, sounds pretty awesome!

[myth]

This is sounding very cool, though not many are reporting on this program so i'm not totally sure.

Totally agree with you on the uncertainty. I have no idea how much of this is UD, me, or the combination of both. It may be that the specifics (emotions, thoughts) are me, but the general direction (nightmares/peacefulness) is UD. No idea.

I feel like it might be good to help healing more without that obsession on girls and sex, because with DMSI I kept getting pulled back to that which made it harder to work on healing. But reading 'detox' on the sales page makes me think it might not help.

I'm not sure if this is any easy sub for predicting how you'll respond to it. I expected physical detoxing, but I'm hitting very different areas of "all of myself" than that. Not that I'm not physically detoxing (have been for months), but that's stayed roughly the same.

But reading what you're saying in the last 2 posts, sounds pretty awesome!

I certainly don't regret choosing UD. I can't be sure which parts of those posts appeal to you, but, if the last post sounded less controversial than I'd expected, maybe I will share a core concept from my offline journal that developed from the whole balance thing:

Change itself could be seen as a pendulum between one's past flaws (step 0) and one's present overcorrections (step 1) that precedes the future balanced solution (step 2) in the center, and a person may impatiently mistake an overcorrection (step 1) for a complete solution (step 2) because they have very little frame of reference for telling steps 1 and 2 apart.

That concept clarifies quite a few things for me. Like why "inconsistent results" might not be inconsistent. Because they're not always the one-and-done trip from step 0 to step 1 that people want them to be... or a one-and-done trip from step 1 to step 2 either. Or like why people want to stick with the opposite extreme, stopping progress because they see balance as a step backward from success instead of a step forward to stability. Or like why some changes seem to revert after a while.

Again, this is just one simplified point of view about some types of changes. I'm not claiming any accuracy here, and different types of changes could easily be affected by different factors. But it's a neat way to look at it.

[myth]

The nightmares have been cycling. Still creepy and dismal, but less Hammer horror and, now, more Grimm's fairy tales or ABC Afterschool Special. And like it's holding up a mirror designed to make me face the things about myself that I doubt, dislike, fear, and endure. It seems as if it's not very much about which bullet points Shannon thinks that we all need to detox and almost entirely about what my (metaphorical) heart needs to detox.

There's a very you-can't-escape-or-hide-from-your-innermost-self quality to it. Reminds me why Edgar Allan Poe hit the nerves that he hit or why A Christmas Carol and Frankenstein are so iconic. Facing bespoke monsters that we've spent our lives tailoring for ourselves (and then trying to deny/ignore) isn't all that distant a concept from what some Rule-4-ists might say awaits some of us when we die.

I'm glad that I stuck to my input/execute schedule. Facing my personal toxins in my dreams each night, even on non-listening days, isn't a light meal. Had I charged headlong into this, it might've been a bit too much to chew on, and I'm thankful that I'm pacing myself. The strangest aspect to this is the feeling that it's safe to continue forward, that the monsters are there only because I built them to be (like imaginary friends, only as enemies) and let them crash on my couch, that they're more ghosts than reality, that they hide when I wake up (but don't tend to leave unless I work up the courage to explain to them that they've overstayed their invitation). Also, the monsters are not strictly embodiment-of-X and often come across as full dioramas, bittersweet scenes of some innocuous, uplifting, or desirable build-up culminating in a depressingly bitter end.

Sadly, seeing shades of that seemingly reflected in real-world disappointments lends an air of "nightmares coming true" to it, even though that's a backward interpretation of "reality inspiring hyperbole (followed by more reality)." Which might be a useful lesson (or two) concerning worry, now that I think about it (hyperbole = nightmare = monster?). And another lesson in balanced perspective too, probably. Starts to make me see each fear or doubt as a hyperbolic error in processing reality, yet another pendulum-style overcorrection that I never finished balancing (and need to go back and balance). I'm beginning to get the feeling that this pendulum metaphor is going to keep coming up as a common theme throughout my UD run.

Starting another input week tomorrow seems almost as sudden as taking the break seemed.

[findingme]

the monsters are there only because I built them to be (like imaginary friends, only as enemies)

I relate to this, me using UD now myself. I'll be in a conversation, and a growing voice in me is saying "I DON'T believe that/THINK that...." and it's pleasantly uncomfortable. Like my truth is getting louder than my lies, and it's challenging me to be real, to be honest.

In truth, I secretly welcome it since my lies slowly and steadily hurt me, as I feel it both emotionally AND physically. Tightness in the gut or my throat are signs that...........I'm attempting to lie to myself again....and again.

UD is turning some tables on me. Even now, sitting here at home--all inside work is going on in me.

Thanks for sharing your experiences here. I'm checking your progress from time to time, for my benefit :-)

[myth]

I relate to this, me using UD now myself. I'll be in a conversation, and a growing voice in me is saying "I DON'T believe that/THINK that...." and it's pleasantly uncomfortable. Like my truth is getting louder than my lies, and it's challenging me to be real, to be honest.

Not entirely sure how to interpret what you mean from the multiple possibilities.

For example, it sounds like you may be getting through the lies by way of what NLP-ers call "meta questions." I've been using those questions for decades at work with co-workers, since at least 90% of the requests that I receive are "Can you build G to solve F?" when they really mean "Can you help me solve A, because F solving E solving D solving C solving B solving A isn't working?" They've decided that G is the solution to F while ignoring that that A is the only thing that they really need solved. They forget that they don't actually need B-F (or G) and that A was the only problem that actually mattered, Find a better B, and you don't need C-G.

Or maybe you're talking about seeing that you'd bought into others ideas without deciding whether another idea was a better fit for you first.

Or maybe your own values are getting louder where your values and others' values conflict.

Or maybe you'd previously convinced yourself that something was something else, when it wasn't.

And so on. Not completely sure how you mean truth/lies here. But it does sound like a huge step for you, nonetheless Congrats!

UD is turning some tables on me. Even now, sitting here at home--all inside work is going on in me.

Yeah, I'm very impressed by its (apparent?) ability to be a different sub to different people. I almost wonder if that will give it a whole new quality for every run, depending on which point a person's life is currently at. More so than other subs, I mean, as they all do that to some extent.

Thanks for sharing your experiences here. I'm checking your progress from time to time, for my benefit :-)

The gratitude and checking is mutual.

[Shannon]

Self optimizing polymorphic scripting causes the subliminal to become what you need it to be to achieve the goal. If the goal is the same, but the starting point is vastly different between users, the results can seem to be an entirely different sub for different people. In this case, everyone has a completely unique "intoxication state" to begin with. The mind, emotions, etc. are not going to be identical in their levels, directions, degrees and types of "intoxication", so the sub becomes something very different for each of you to achieve the same goal.

For example, if person A has severe sexual abuse that led to a series of beliefs being formed that were toxic concerning sex, relationships and one particular gender, and person B had a father who beat him and the result was that he becomes abusive to himself and others, then UD will be primarily a sexual healing and clearing sub for person A, and an abuse healing and clearing sub for person B. This is the beauty of SOPS - Self Optimizing Polymorphic Scripting.

Creating that scripting, however, is a freaking nightmare.

[Chris P. Bacon]

Creating that scripting, however, is a freaking nightmare.

Can I just personally thank you for enduring those nightmares, because as you endure nightmares that we may never know of, you help us accomplish the dreams we never thought possible.