02-02-2014, 08:51 AM
Stage 2 Day 2
Here goes the next stage - not noticed much from stage 2, apart from being a little shakey confidence wise.
Stage 1 dealt with a lot of issues - Comparatively I was much more solid, handling work better, andling disappointments better and even switching it up and starting to enjoy life. I can't say what it is but i imagine a big part of that is the ogsf - Fear Shame and Guilt, characterized almost everything i did, now it's getting better, things go wrong and i don't kill myself and my self worth over them, this saved alot in mental energy which i can devote to more useful things.
I realised I have been walking slower and talking slower. A friend said to me the other day that he could see me as being the alpha of a group of people he was hangoing out with in another country out of nowhere!, I've had other close friends begin responding to me differently, they're not telling me what to do and giving me advice - it's the other way around. old friends are calling me up and messaging me, I'm very 'don't give a shit' about my social interactions like having people be rude to me or just unpleasant or judgemental, my response is that it's their problem and they're genuinely not worth my time.
In terms of mood, it's been very up and down. At times i'm just pissed off, others i'm depressed or neutral. I do however have a new found ability to enjoy the simple things which i never had before, and generally keep myself entertained. every now and then i get a real burst of motivation at work or generally about life but it doesn't stick - i'm hoping the next stage will help with that..
Physically i have really low energy, i'm just really tired alot.
In all it's a far cry from where I was. It's alot of small subtle interactions which reveal the effect, going out socialising without being afraid, something going wrong at work and not freaking out, even small moments where I am afraid, or unhappy but able to understand the emotion and work with it, accepting that it's right in that situation to be afraid/unhappy..
I've been thinking alot about what it is to be an alpha. and I suppose, to me it's just about freedom to live on my terms, to not be at the mercy of my emotions, lower inclinations, other peoples b.s or mine. I kind of think that you can only really actually live a life once you handle these things, until you're just blown all over the place by circumstance.
11
Anyway if i notice anything from my second day, it's a real desire to not listen to the subs!
that's me done for the day
Here goes the next stage - not noticed much from stage 2, apart from being a little shakey confidence wise.
Stage 1 dealt with a lot of issues - Comparatively I was much more solid, handling work better, andling disappointments better and even switching it up and starting to enjoy life. I can't say what it is but i imagine a big part of that is the ogsf - Fear Shame and Guilt, characterized almost everything i did, now it's getting better, things go wrong and i don't kill myself and my self worth over them, this saved alot in mental energy which i can devote to more useful things.
I realised I have been walking slower and talking slower. A friend said to me the other day that he could see me as being the alpha of a group of people he was hangoing out with in another country out of nowhere!, I've had other close friends begin responding to me differently, they're not telling me what to do and giving me advice - it's the other way around. old friends are calling me up and messaging me, I'm very 'don't give a shit' about my social interactions like having people be rude to me or just unpleasant or judgemental, my response is that it's their problem and they're genuinely not worth my time.
In terms of mood, it's been very up and down. At times i'm just pissed off, others i'm depressed or neutral. I do however have a new found ability to enjoy the simple things which i never had before, and generally keep myself entertained. every now and then i get a real burst of motivation at work or generally about life but it doesn't stick - i'm hoping the next stage will help with that..
Physically i have really low energy, i'm just really tired alot.
In all it's a far cry from where I was. It's alot of small subtle interactions which reveal the effect, going out socialising without being afraid, something going wrong at work and not freaking out, even small moments where I am afraid, or unhappy but able to understand the emotion and work with it, accepting that it's right in that situation to be afraid/unhappy..
I've been thinking alot about what it is to be an alpha. and I suppose, to me it's just about freedom to live on my terms, to not be at the mercy of my emotions, lower inclinations, other peoples b.s or mine. I kind of think that you can only really actually live a life once you handle these things, until you're just blown all over the place by circumstance.
11
Anyway if i notice anything from my second day, it's a real desire to not listen to the subs!
that's me done for the day
Your task is not to seek for Love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.
