01-11-2014, 01:32 PM
Stage 1 Day 13.
The depression continues. Feeling angry as hell, against senior people at work, people who've looked down on me all my life, slighted me or laughed at me. I'm trying to get work done but some how don't do anything, I'm just stuck right now. Most of all I'm pissed off with the stuckness, not so much at myself which is a good thing but with this wall that keeps getting in the way.
Somehow keep having violent thoughts. They're not something I would ever act on of course, like the other day some guy kind of pushed me to one side when I was on the metro and I almost lost it!
I didn't think that this sort of thing would come up yet - maybe in later stages or something but not just on hitting my second week of the first stage.
I don't even feel capable of tapping on this.
Anyway I've invested in some new hardware, a set of good speakers to put on both sides of my bed so I get (hopefully) better exposure to subs when I go to bed. I'm also trying out a beanie hat with speakers to wear in bed, might do better than wearing headphones.
The depression continues. Feeling angry as hell, against senior people at work, people who've looked down on me all my life, slighted me or laughed at me. I'm trying to get work done but some how don't do anything, I'm just stuck right now. Most of all I'm pissed off with the stuckness, not so much at myself which is a good thing but with this wall that keeps getting in the way.
Somehow keep having violent thoughts. They're not something I would ever act on of course, like the other day some guy kind of pushed me to one side when I was on the metro and I almost lost it!
I didn't think that this sort of thing would come up yet - maybe in later stages or something but not just on hitting my second week of the first stage.
I don't even feel capable of tapping on this.
Anyway I've invested in some new hardware, a set of good speakers to put on both sides of my bed so I get (hopefully) better exposure to subs when I go to bed. I'm also trying out a beanie hat with speakers to wear in bed, might do better than wearing headphones.
Your task is not to seek for Love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.
