01-26-2017, 11:12 PM
I have been working on my homework, but I am feeling this frustration, or a weight on chest, or heart. I have been feeling this almost every night, right before I go to bed, or when I am not 100% focused on homework or something else. Whenever I have alone time at night, and whenever I have nothing occupying my mind 100%, I have been feeling this. I have wondered what this is, or what the source of the feeling, or even the feeling of emptiness.
On the surface level, I am thinking that this is sexual frustration. Lack of getting any sex, and the need to get it off. The challenge is that porn doesn't really get me off, and even when I release it, it doesn't seem to take all the weight off, or fill the feeling of emptiness. So I don't think this is the source, or is the entire source of the everything.
This feeling of emptiness, frustration, weight on chest, or feeling like a block in heart/chest, seem to come and go, sometimes more intense, and sometimes less. I am also wondering why that is the case.
Going back to the subject of the source. If sexual frustration isn't the full explanation then what is it? Loneliness? Lack of friendship? Not having a girlfriend? I guess they take can be partial explanations for the feelings, bu they still don't seem to get capture the idea fully.
I don't know, if there needs more healing, or if this is just being a human or being in a normal phase. I don't even know that this is healthy state to be in. A thought is that I have been on the A version of DMSI for too long and that it may be having too much impact to emotions, and that I should have switched to B a while ago. At the same time, all of these may indicate that I need healing, and that is what is happening.
Talking about healing reminds me about the earlier stage of DMSI. I have doubts/wonders whether DMSI can work as I have ASD, which is not curable at this point. Has it been a wrong choice to be on DMSI A, and is it working against me (at least in emotional health part? ) Is it creating too much stress because it is trying to address stuff that can't be addressed?
I don't know, but I want to say that for some reason I am in a field of melancholia, or in between mild depression and melancholia. Well, at least it's a progress that I can recognize this and I am able to share it with bunch of strangers in the forum.
On the surface level, I am thinking that this is sexual frustration. Lack of getting any sex, and the need to get it off. The challenge is that porn doesn't really get me off, and even when I release it, it doesn't seem to take all the weight off, or fill the feeling of emptiness. So I don't think this is the source, or is the entire source of the everything.
This feeling of emptiness, frustration, weight on chest, or feeling like a block in heart/chest, seem to come and go, sometimes more intense, and sometimes less. I am also wondering why that is the case.
Going back to the subject of the source. If sexual frustration isn't the full explanation then what is it? Loneliness? Lack of friendship? Not having a girlfriend? I guess they take can be partial explanations for the feelings, bu they still don't seem to get capture the idea fully.
I don't know, if there needs more healing, or if this is just being a human or being in a normal phase. I don't even know that this is healthy state to be in. A thought is that I have been on the A version of DMSI for too long and that it may be having too much impact to emotions, and that I should have switched to B a while ago. At the same time, all of these may indicate that I need healing, and that is what is happening.
Talking about healing reminds me about the earlier stage of DMSI. I have doubts/wonders whether DMSI can work as I have ASD, which is not curable at this point. Has it been a wrong choice to be on DMSI A, and is it working against me (at least in emotional health part? ) Is it creating too much stress because it is trying to address stuff that can't be addressed?
I don't know, but I want to say that for some reason I am in a field of melancholia, or in between mild depression and melancholia. Well, at least it's a progress that I can recognize this and I am able to share it with bunch of strangers in the forum.
