08-18-2016, 02:26 PM
With the added thought/feeling the need to work on social side (everything else seems to be in order), I wanted to work more on it. Besides, I was starting to acknowledge more of my romantic and sexual needs from a woman/women. Before, I would pretty much deny or try to suppress that side of me. I do still have internal fight between one side telling me that I am never going to have any solid social life nor I will have any woman to love, and love me back. Thus, I should just find a way to suppress this side of human needs/want, and move on. This would be one side. The other side would tell me not to ignore those needs, and eventually something will work out. And this side of me was getting stronger and demanding more.
So I thought, well, let's see what happens if I were to go back to AYPRL, and if there would be anything done. So I started listening to it pretty much in the middle to near end of the semester, and I believe I have listened to it for about 3 months.
Here is one thing I noticed. People appreciate my intelligence and what I have to say in academic field or stuff that requires intelligent issues. Almost anything I say in the class spark stimulating conversations, and feel that people do appreciate that. Hell, almost all the professors tell me that I was a great addition to the class with different and new perspectives and the creativity that I added to the class. (Sometimes I get a chance to attend conference and have a chance to talk to leading scholars and they seem to appreciate what I have to say, and give me a productive feedback. I had a chance to talk to a former NASA scientist, and we were able to talk for several hours for intellectual issues.....)
On the other hand, that is the only thing people see me as, or see my value in. Perhaps I am going a bit extreme, but this the feeling I get. Almost nobody talks to me, or initiate a conversation. Yet, the people around always seem to be having a chat, talking on personal lives, forming social circles. Me? I am always excluded.
Then I saw the release of DMSI/AOSI. I thought, well, let's see if this will add to my value in addition to being an intellect/idea bank. Let's see if this will get people to see me as something else than just an intellect. And let's see if this will get people, especially women to start coming to me. Well these were the ideas.
So I thought, well, let's see what happens if I were to go back to AYPRL, and if there would be anything done. So I started listening to it pretty much in the middle to near end of the semester, and I believe I have listened to it for about 3 months.
Here is one thing I noticed. People appreciate my intelligence and what I have to say in academic field or stuff that requires intelligent issues. Almost anything I say in the class spark stimulating conversations, and feel that people do appreciate that. Hell, almost all the professors tell me that I was a great addition to the class with different and new perspectives and the creativity that I added to the class. (Sometimes I get a chance to attend conference and have a chance to talk to leading scholars and they seem to appreciate what I have to say, and give me a productive feedback. I had a chance to talk to a former NASA scientist, and we were able to talk for several hours for intellectual issues.....)
On the other hand, that is the only thing people see me as, or see my value in. Perhaps I am going a bit extreme, but this the feeling I get. Almost nobody talks to me, or initiate a conversation. Yet, the people around always seem to be having a chat, talking on personal lives, forming social circles. Me? I am always excluded.
Then I saw the release of DMSI/AOSI. I thought, well, let's see if this will add to my value in addition to being an intellect/idea bank. Let's see if this will get people to see me as something else than just an intellect. And let's see if this will get people, especially women to start coming to me. Well these were the ideas.
