DMSI 3.3.2 - of becoming and being a G

[Kol]

Today I dealt with some guilt. I came to realize it when going over eye contact. We used to had in older gen tech OGSF, so that was kinda interesting. Nowadays we got FRM, yet GSF is still somewhat I might explore.

Also, rage. Am having a groupsapp im part of, and one dude sets me off in whiteheated rage. I wanna know whats behind it, what belief, and it seems some sort of structure underneath it. It all is symptom. Rage, fear, anger, depressed, its all reactionairy, external factors that affect my state.

I also picked up back meditation. I have more peace in my body + its time for introspection, asking why, and being openminded in what surfaces by those why's. Im open to whatever might surface and having a sense of joy in it. It also brings other goodies with it, more awareness of what else is there and full on self ownership. Some fond memories surface. Kinda lit and awesome.

[Kol]

Allright, so I probably hit some deep trauma. Something going waaaaay back. Im also kind of glowing right now, feeling heat coming from my ears.

Also, things start to get really interesting with DMSI. Its all starting to become more overt till the point I cant get a break because attraction is ongoing. Women lust, guys act submissive and apologize. Its funny how girls are acting in what I can only describe as "delightfull" they really are acting all flirty, bubbly and such. Some ouright gaze at me, trying to position themself like I wont see them, but I catch them in the mirror just looking, staring and such.

[StridingStrider]

Has DMSI led to any offers of sex yet?

[Kol]

Not directly and blunt invitation to sex except some known girls that are blowing up my phone who has proven to be a destructive force would I bite the bullet. To many red flags.

[Kol]

Pre-night 1 bloom phase

8 cycles of 4 loops done. Im about to get some sleep. Last couple of days Im having interest to start up ums. It feels familiar. Im getting some TID feelings of execution, and the first thing that popped up was...UMS2. So, I seem to get UMS2 TID, atleast, its being coined and no coincidence whatsoever. pretty smooth, low amount of loops, well structured in use and dosage use. Strong certainty and sense of FRM. 

Even tho its now according to set up 1st bloom night, I really want to run loops. Prety strong urge, yet last nights cycle was met with an sense of taking a break already, which I decided not to, as it was the upcoming of the last cycle of 4 loops.

[Kol]

Tonight ( sept 7 ) will be new rounds.

Im blissing out currently.
Having growing interest in OF 5.75G. Seem absolutely perfect and reading @JCasterlin 's journal is inspiring. Just need a set up and am good to go to order the sub.

Also, im experiencing more meditative relaxing states, which causes a release of dependencies that I still got. Its like a sudden disinterest and an "leaving the body" kind of thing.

Feeling heat coming off from me in general.

[Kol]

Loops started, lets go.

Edit: 21 minutes in, I notice a positive anger and agression against all bs, fear and worry already. An fed upness with current situation and possible with myself. Indicator of change, which is a theme for today. Im willing to die and sacrifice if it means execution. Idgaf. Long term goals and planning. Also reason to run OF and not the E series, I want the rocky, laserlike road, thorny path. Confrontation, no matter what.

Edit2: decided to add an extra loop. Feel myself/my subconscious rest in it, as if it says "thank you" followed by relief. Its interesting how it now feels like a quest and adventure. Would be cool if my subc decides to adopt some gow characters to tell a story tonight and completes healing through it characters.

[Kol]

I wonder if I have reached @Have at ye trololol levels cuz people were all mocky and shit today but it didnt matter at all like it didnt happen. I was "in the zone" socially fluid, fun times and what not. I feel a new sense of confidence, an sort of "other wordly" like being in the bubble or something. Walking with purpose and strong vision, laserfocus.
Strong sense of underlying confidence, like diamonds, unfazed and what not, rock solid frame
Feels good to have given up countless dependencies nowadays, no biggie. Screw caffeine.

Im curious of whats coming up next. In fact am running one loop now

Edit: FRM still seems similar to the initial beginning of DMSI, taking the fears, taking them on this carpet and floating them awsy/shipping them out so to say. Im amidst this loop sensing this, and im solution oriented tho my eyes are tearing up snd start to get puffy. Its as if its there and thats it. My only thought is now "well, better drink some more water"

Being rocksolid amindst the stormy seas.
Get a multivitamine. Im lacking some.

[Kol]

Im really enjoying my loop and feel I need more loops, workimg on something big and grand. Im going deep in my masculinity asserting order on a energetic level.

Also, women attraction aint the problem. The only thing left seems to be to shift in an "aha I get it" moment, like a slight mis-allignment. Not sure if it is fear at this point, or if im hitting flatline or anything, but it seems to be the last thing to have full execution going on. My guess now is with enough loops this happens, I have trust in this.

Short little thought in this; it might be fear that is in the way of this shift on some subtle level. What else would it be.

Also, appreciation is something to work on still, ongoing, which is a key element.

Also we are not giving up! Has been booming in my head, accompanied with a sense of "keep going" and huge work is being done. The energy is running strongly like a strong current.

Heh, have to do groceries, energy is motivating to get up and get it going, which will be interesting seeing what dmsi will do this time. Autopilot! "I got you"

[Kol]

Alright, went to get some food. Cute girl at the checkout, was in the zone so to say. -> boom, felt the bubble. Present. Eye contact was on, positive. Then, what I notice was again this "arching back" position, tits in the air thing, vulnerable show off.

It now clicks on some level it is an subconscious sex position re-enactment. Mindblowing. This is way to consistent. A pattern to be random. Still im focussed on my shit, discipline, streak. Im letting go of it all.

I didnt close because I was present and simply didnt give a fuck. Im now musing if fear might been present. Idk now, seems so on some level.

I feel way more liberated, primal, a game.

There is next level just waiting around the corner as of now. Oh btw, selflove is a massive lifehack and benefit. For me, giving myself some slack and allowing some chilltime/downtime is something I deprived myself from lately. Going extreme in discipline. Thank you DMSI for showing me the light. Im blissing out again.

Edit: reading Shannons update, im filled with joy and happiness. This what I mentioned in my update went effortless. Im really joyfull and am looking forward to what is to come. Omg.

[Kol]

6 loops for the night up, almost 40 minutes in.

Im experiencing whats called a "reset" clean slate. Its like a reboot and its like some tide has turned for tge positive and now its going upwards.

Im thinking last few days I was resisting again, resulting in seeking some extreme dopamine challenges. I have kicked many dependencies, and noticed my mood going down. I go as far as fasting and even dry-fasting has its appeal to me. Yeah, I love discipline and going for hard resets, but this is a little much, but tempting. Heh. Full joy in full discipline control. But its a clever way as DMSI demands fuell. Feed the beast.

Also, Im noticing more regarding some events take place. I have this girl "J" around me. Nice curves, but notice the moment things get intetesting or I deem em hot, things get a lil bit wonkey. Let her come to me.instead. With another woman at work I dont have that, but with J its a different story. The moment I consider her to be "hot", or my subconscious does, im going weird. Slight regression I would like to say, semi pre-subs and now im isolating the issue. Fear. Its always fear. Fear of what? Idk. DMSI says none is lost at all to begin with, and frankly, her face pops up in my minds eye now. Great, something is happening and anxiety is rising a bit. What a process!

Anyway, its a fickle thing. It shouldnt matter at all to begin with. Today was a-okay. She was around and what not, interaction and all was fine. Teaching her some stuff. Well see. I feel definitely some sort of constriction as opposed to expansion going on in my midsection/abdominal area. Maybe im not sure to begin with.

I really dont like writing about it tbh, as it puts way to much focus on girls instead of myself/my purpose/mission. Might be another fear as it hinders communication and such and I like freedom. I want these fears to be dealt with tho.

I realize im amidst of fear and it is glorious. I even see fear energy as something able to be transmuted and to be used in a sense, which is powerfull and progress. In retrospect outside of this, fear is complete ridiculous tbh.

[Kol]

told the wannabe coach manager woman at work off today. I told her while being loud, assertive, solid and vocal that I wont play her games. Saw it coming, didnt care how many coworkers were around. No discussion, no room for manipulation or tricks. Everyone was silent afterwards. No lady, you not liking it means shit. Idgaf about your feelings or if it hurts you, even if it does or is an gaslight attempt.

Sacrifice is golden. If you love something, are attached, sacrifice it. Youre your own focal point. As a matter of fact, Im already over it. Im zen as fuck (might be my current second loop, but who gives)

Sacrifice truly clicked yesterday after watching a podcast of Conner Kendall and E.A Koetting.

[Kol]

Alright, thats it. DMSI handles all blocks , this is starting to get really interesting. The thing that "bothered" me is now dealt with. Good shit. Sometimes you dont have to call is fear, but simple block. Note to self: be open to receive.

F*cking DMSI!

[Yous]

Which is your purpose running this program?