02-20-2018, 04:01 PM
Man, navigating my own mind has been one of the most difficult things for me in my life. So many twists and turns, distractions, tactics. I'm learning more and more that my obsession with over analyzing stuff and procrastinating is due to my belief that I can prevent any type of unfavorable circumstance if I'm just careful enough. With the healing in DMSI I was trying to cover absolutely everything, fix it all 100%, then move on with my life.
It's like a really bad feedback loop. Being really afraid of potential stuff that could go wrong in life -----> hold off and prepare, avoid facing fear------> never face fear, never overcome fear ------> back to the start with being afraid.
Every time in the past I tried to push myself I was met with a feeling that it was a bad idea, and I listened to it. My mind was always like "No! Wait, we need to figure all this out first!" And so I'd ruminate and get nowhere. Waiting until I felt I was ready to take on challenges was the worst thing I ever did because in life I don't think you're ever ready. There's always going to be surprises and things you don't know and if you try and control that all the time it's just going to be a bad time all around.
One other thing I realized, I have to take personal responsibility for this fear. I'd often use it as an excuse, like telling myself the fear was so big and insurmountable, so it wasn't my fault. But regardless of where it comes from it's me, assuming it existed in some isolated untouchable part of my mind closed the door to ever overcoming it.
It's like a really bad feedback loop. Being really afraid of potential stuff that could go wrong in life -----> hold off and prepare, avoid facing fear------> never face fear, never overcome fear ------> back to the start with being afraid.
Every time in the past I tried to push myself I was met with a feeling that it was a bad idea, and I listened to it. My mind was always like "No! Wait, we need to figure all this out first!" And so I'd ruminate and get nowhere. Waiting until I felt I was ready to take on challenges was the worst thing I ever did because in life I don't think you're ever ready. There's always going to be surprises and things you don't know and if you try and control that all the time it's just going to be a bad time all around.
One other thing I realized, I have to take personal responsibility for this fear. I'd often use it as an excuse, like telling myself the fear was so big and insurmountable, so it wasn't my fault. But regardless of where it comes from it's me, assuming it existed in some isolated untouchable part of my mind closed the door to ever overcoming it.
INFP