DMSI 3.1 - The Journal

[Shawn]

I have found a post which really resonates with me and instead of derailing others journal I will repost it here:

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Here's my issue though:

Being genuinely interested in their personality is what will give you a huge boost in attractiveness in their eyes. Now, let’s not pretend there isn’t such thing as social norms, fear of strangers, fear of being hurt and shamed on girl’s side, that make approaching hard for both. Regarding your intention, if you’re really interested in their personality and want to know them better before escalation to anything else, they will recognize this (general consensus is, women are 100 times more intuitive and perceptive than men) and this will give you a huge brownie point in their eyes;

I'm not really. :/

If I'm being ho0nest, I really am not that interested.

So if I have to be genuine, AND be genuinely interested, those two things contradict and I'll come across as fake. It;s like there's no way for me. :/

It all points to that, to be successful, you have to be comfortable with yourself first, be unguarded and open, and unafraid to bare yourself (no, I’m not talking walking around with trench coat and nothing underneath and exposing yourself!); have a cool and unapologetic demeanour and a “so, what are you all about?” genuine curiosity about the girl.

Yeah, if I bare all it will come out that I'm NOT genuinely interested in the girl. At least I can fake it if I have to, but if you want me to be "real" I won't be interested in her beyond sex and a sense of humor if she's got it. :/

You don’t have to worry about reassuring them about sexual shaming; first, you don’t have to be ashamed in showing interest in a girl, making her feel at ease with you, or being rejected if that’s how she chooses to react. I genuinely, genuinely believe vast majority of the girls you approach, will hope for you to be all they are looking for in a man while you’re opening them; majority are not stuck up bitches whom will shoot you down and ruin your day because you reached out and showed interest, out of their malice. It hurts to receive rejection, but for vast majority of girls, giving rejection is a hard thing to do as well. I’ve had my female friends confirming this to me.

This is good to know.

I don’t think overthinking is your problem, if anything I’d say you feel awkward about the interaction with the girl and project it to her. And I’d say you think of a girl, like a girl; now please don’t be offended by that, as if correct about you, I’d say it applies to me too. I can strike a conversation and friendship with a girl easier than with a man, and I wouldn’t be able to do it, if I didn’t understand them on a deeper level, and empathise with them. It’s a complicated setup within me, masculine drive and feminine intuition and sometimes they interact well, sometimes they cancel each other, sometimes I’m winning in all aspects of my life, sometimes I’m a miserable mess. I’d dare to say that, like me, you have to resolve questions of your sexuality, purpose, being really comfortable with who you are first, before you can go out and seize all that is rightfully yours. Many times in the past I’d try to figure things out by listening to and emulating others, going on a high that a new book, movie, new relationship would temporarily give me; I’d say I’m finding myself and my purpose on DMSI a lot quicker than I did before. Sure, Dzemoo will lay another two girls by the time I finish writing this post, but even he had to objectify them first, to be comfortable with himself around them. What attracts girls to a guy like him, is that he’s now comfortable with himself. We should not try to act like someone else, or think about appealing to our target audience, but focus on being ourselves instead.

Because…

Well again, if that's the key (being genuine and "myself") then I should stop pretending I'm interested in women beyond sex. :/

Just being honest man. It's a terrible predicament to be in.

One of the reasons why I look up to dzemoo so much is he makes that work. Somehow. I wish I could too, but I feel like I'm obligated to give people good conversation, connection, or whatever else.

I don't know if I can reconcile the contradictions of

A. Be genuine
and
B. Be interested

I'm genuinely not. :/

But thank you for taking the time to write that. I will mull over it for some time and obviously I've only responded with what came to mind initially.

Well, it is not the first time I realize that, but this REALLY resonates with me. I don't feel like I have genuine interest in girls as whole person. I feel obligated to do so but in reality I feel more like "Just leave me alone...until I wanna have sex with you...and then leave". I guess this also bring up some guilt and shame as I was told to treat people well and be nice and not caring about them is not all that along the given standards. I just don't know if how I am is my genuine self or is this fear telling me not caring about them or am I simply socially broken...I don't know. I just know that it also feels exhausting to be interested in them, for whatever reason. And I also know that at the time I wanted people (especially girls) be with me was because I wanted them to give me their attention. So far my insights here.