24-12-17
Its been a while since I had a ( near ) panic attack in public for whatever reason. This directly threw me in an snowballing downward spiral. Lots of women in public, opened a bunch, as approaching isnt a big deal at all anymore. I only have to throw some random comment and the opener is set, from thereout it progresses. Its being in game all the time.
I have strong indication it has to do with my past coming to the surface, many things at once, many realisations, yet, due to the shielding, im not really having a clue as to what it is. The pattern reveals itself over time. Another pattern on DMSi, is the nostalgia aspect and revisiting aspect of my past. I do realize its my past and it loses its intensitry, thus having my view more on the future and more free.
I strongly dislike being inhibited at times still, its dragging me down and makes everything feel so heavy, rusty and non-organic and lacking in fluidity. Its similar as being stuck in mud and being sucked in.
I had a dream involving RSDmax. we where haninging out and things flowed naturally. I dont own a scooter, but in the dream I had one. One girl went full seduction on me in the dream, feeling her primal, animalistic side intensely. It reminded me about being full blown sexual, with no breaks, only the pure, intense, ravenous deveouring sex. I could feel her lust come over me, immersing in it. There was a wall, yet also a huge gap, like some sort of castle, eventually we found our way around it, and me and the girl went full in. She was hungry for it, lustfull hungry. It was amazing, and seemed to carry over in the daytime awareness, like something healed.
Now things feel even more closer.
Im having these mental images of walking into vanues, like Starbucks for example, or other gatherings, doing groceries, having 5 women minimum everywhere, like a "welcome home"kind of dynamic, while being an very natural feeling.
I do also notice when talking with people, before opening my mouth and making eye contact, they seem to be anticipating and wanting me to talk. When I do, I see the relief poppin in people. Its like they wait. Guess it has to do with the "meeting half way"kind of thing, and DMSi doesnt exclude the matters of approach and being approached. its like nothing really matters in that case and is just another internal belief.
The hunger generated is also something that has increased profoundly the past few days/couple of weeks, I keep eating and keep being hungry no matter what I eat. there are moments I am having no hunger at all, and feeling okay, and these moments make me feel somewhat normal.
Its been a while since I had a ( near ) panic attack in public for whatever reason. This directly threw me in an snowballing downward spiral. Lots of women in public, opened a bunch, as approaching isnt a big deal at all anymore. I only have to throw some random comment and the opener is set, from thereout it progresses. Its being in game all the time.
I have strong indication it has to do with my past coming to the surface, many things at once, many realisations, yet, due to the shielding, im not really having a clue as to what it is. The pattern reveals itself over time. Another pattern on DMSi, is the nostalgia aspect and revisiting aspect of my past. I do realize its my past and it loses its intensitry, thus having my view more on the future and more free.
I strongly dislike being inhibited at times still, its dragging me down and makes everything feel so heavy, rusty and non-organic and lacking in fluidity. Its similar as being stuck in mud and being sucked in.
I had a dream involving RSDmax. we where haninging out and things flowed naturally. I dont own a scooter, but in the dream I had one. One girl went full seduction on me in the dream, feeling her primal, animalistic side intensely. It reminded me about being full blown sexual, with no breaks, only the pure, intense, ravenous deveouring sex. I could feel her lust come over me, immersing in it. There was a wall, yet also a huge gap, like some sort of castle, eventually we found our way around it, and me and the girl went full in. She was hungry for it, lustfull hungry. It was amazing, and seemed to carry over in the daytime awareness, like something healed.
Now things feel even more closer.
Im having these mental images of walking into vanues, like Starbucks for example, or other gatherings, doing groceries, having 5 women minimum everywhere, like a "welcome home"kind of dynamic, while being an very natural feeling.
I do also notice when talking with people, before opening my mouth and making eye contact, they seem to be anticipating and wanting me to talk. When I do, I see the relief poppin in people. Its like they wait. Guess it has to do with the "meeting half way"kind of thing, and DMSi doesnt exclude the matters of approach and being approached. its like nothing really matters in that case and is just another internal belief.
The hunger generated is also something that has increased profoundly the past few days/couple of weeks, I keep eating and keep being hungry no matter what I eat. there are moments I am having no hunger at all, and feeling okay, and these moments make me feel somewhat normal.