05-25-2016, 02:17 PM
I'm back off of caffeine. I'm convinced it's been detrimental to my natural energy levels, irritability, tendency to raise my voice and/or yell, anger, the list goes on...
My first attempt lasted maybe a month, then I fell off the wagon, and now it's been about 10 days. I'm using DLPA (dl-phenylalanine) to help out.
My moods have been more stable, I'm slower to anger, and I've been getting a lot of stuff down around the house, as well as getting out of the house more.
I took my son to the zoo yesterday, and we had a blast. Beautiful day, he rode a train for the first time, and saw elephants for the first time as well.
I can't seem to get motivated to get to the gym, still. My weight has suffered quite a bit. I'm still drinking too much. But a thought popped into my head today, "If you can dump coffee and Diet Mountain Dew, you can dump beer and wine the majority of the time."
I now see that all of my time spent obsessing over the gym, counting calories, taking weight loss supplements, etc., all revolved around some kind of fear. It's still being sorted out, this is deep stuff.
I was the chunky-nerd in grade school. The guy who sucked at sports, and never got the girl. I even had an "alter-ego" at church, where I never wore my glasses, dressed better, and could pretend that I was one of the popular kids. It worked, and it was the only place I felt good. It's like I've been trying to wear that alter-ego I created back then as a mask for my whole world as an adult.
Maybe I'm taking off that mask?
My first attempt lasted maybe a month, then I fell off the wagon, and now it's been about 10 days. I'm using DLPA (dl-phenylalanine) to help out.
My moods have been more stable, I'm slower to anger, and I've been getting a lot of stuff down around the house, as well as getting out of the house more.
I took my son to the zoo yesterday, and we had a blast. Beautiful day, he rode a train for the first time, and saw elephants for the first time as well.
I can't seem to get motivated to get to the gym, still. My weight has suffered quite a bit. I'm still drinking too much. But a thought popped into my head today, "If you can dump coffee and Diet Mountain Dew, you can dump beer and wine the majority of the time."
I now see that all of my time spent obsessing over the gym, counting calories, taking weight loss supplements, etc., all revolved around some kind of fear. It's still being sorted out, this is deep stuff.
I was the chunky-nerd in grade school. The guy who sucked at sports, and never got the girl. I even had an "alter-ego" at church, where I never wore my glasses, dressed better, and could pretend that I was one of the popular kids. It worked, and it was the only place I felt good. It's like I've been trying to wear that alter-ego I created back then as a mask for my whole world as an adult.
Maybe I'm taking off that mask?
