Childhood feelings with women: seeking possible solutions

[findingme]

And I'm still active in 12 step meetings. The relational anorexia is spoken of in Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous and in Adult Children of Alcoholics. I'm in the latter, but my old sponsor handed me a book last weekend titled "Anorexia", which came from SLA, which I wasn't aware of. Upon reading just a single member's story, I knew I dealt with the same thing.

These guys and gals had used sex to hide from real relationships. Me--I've just "hid", oftentimes right in front of you. Rebuilding, like you said, is needed.

[ncbeareatingman]

Depends on what you want. If you want healing, Choose UD if you want women choose DMSI. Its important to note that most of what we want is not what we truly want and are what society and other people wants for us. You have to decide is freedom from all self imposed prisons more important or is slaying pussy more important. I think it's more important to slay your own dragons in the end because then you will find all the riches hidden in the castle (yourself) and you will also find the Damsel in distress who is right for you when you conquer all obstacles. Like they say "if you build it, they will come" and that applies to women and building your empire. But with building an empire your only as strong as your foundation and that takes the longest to build. Also they have to go deep into the ground and move all that dirt in order to then build up. In the basement and the lower levels of most skyscrapers and buildings is where the power and all the control systems lies which makes it a very important part of the building. This is a metaphor for You having to go deep within yourself and dig out all the negative emotions, energy and beliefs inside you and build up from there. You might be in a hole for a while but rest assured that when you rise up your building won't Sway in the wind or any wolf can blow your house down unlike others who skip the foundation and build on the Sand. Rest assured when life starts roaring, their castle will start tumbling down.

Daredevil...fuckin' amazing rendering. I Must re through it again tomorrow.Keith.

[RTBoss]

To be more specific, UD is for "detoxing." It's aim is to "detox 'all of myself.'" Perhaps it's semantics, but DMSI is specifically designed for healing and clearing sexual issues related to those of the sex you're attracted to - including past relationships. While UD may have a more "focused script," it also seems very general in scope, and may or may not hit what you're looking to solve. I certainly have high hopes that it would, as it's a sub I'd like to run myself someday.

I'd like to hear Shannon's opinion on running DMSI vs. UD for "healing."

[Zane]

Buy DMSI and use "A" version for like 6 months and within that time Shannon will release DMSI 3.2 with P6 or much higher tech and will also add a couple of stuff from MLS-5.5G like PT/PA, ETIP, WIM etc.. . Your DMSI upgrades will be free.

So I suggest u buy DMSI and Heal urself asap

[Benjamin]

I think you'd be good continuing E2 over the long term, yes DMSI will be more effective with healing. But E2 is more broad though it will take more time.

And since you aren't after sex specifically, from using both E2 seems more suited to relationships. I seemed to attract girls more on that wavelength during it.

[Daredevil]

I don't think E2 would be good for him based on his circumstances for the most thorough cleaning but if he is not focused on slaying Poose the UD and E2 shall do.

[findingme]

Benjamin,

I appreciate your imput on this thread. Yet I wish to clarify something. This is my truth.

I've not sought sex mainly since I've felt shame of liking sex, of enjoying it, of sharing it with another since my model--a gross one--didn't enjoy much of ANYTHING in her life. I became her surrogate husband, so emotionally I tied myself to her thinking I'd receive something good for me. That was a false hope. I never made my mom happy, and I still feel disgusted even going near the subject with her since she has no boundaries, nor ever taught me them.

I'd look really good (the BS in my head) if you thought "I don't desire sex".

Bulls***!!!! I do desire intimacy, physically and emotionally, with a woman.

I've just had this weight on my neck around women: shame. I felt like a failure for not "saving" my mom, since she didn't show love or love me as I was as a child. I am emotionally attached to my mom still out of a perceived emotional survival, even realizing it while I'm writing. I act and think like a small child, barely admitting my need or asking for small pieces of love and attention, like I'm saying "am I man enough for you to love me?" I do this all day when with women, and to potential partners, it's very unattractive (IMO). I blame myself for this result. I therefore reject myself before they reject me. I do this circle day in and day out, all mentally, showing it by hiding from them. I act it out by staying home alone, not going out, masturbating to online porn stories, feeling rejected and rejectable, not knowing why--but still feeling pain. I blame myself.

I'm sitting in a pile of s***, but I'm used to its boundaries, feelings, edges, results..............and it's sad. I am doing this to myself.

I am listening to E2 right now, yes it's LONG to see results.................

Is this the best route to stay on? I'm not even used to making decisions on my own! I'm used to saying "is it acceptable if I......?" Fill it in with anything--I've asked in some way.

So, though sex isn't my focus, it is painfully and shamefully avoided...... and I'm missing emotional connections.

I'm spun out emotionally, so I'll stop there. .......And I'm actually NOT seeking a "do this!" or "do that!" I'm not sure what I need or want--as this is new being so open.

[Daredevil]

I agree with you on E2 taking a long time to see results. I think you might want to Do DMSI if you want sex. But you seem to have a lot of negative beliefs so you could do UD untill the final version of DMSI is released or E2 untill the final version of DMSI is released.

[Have at ye]

I cannot recommend DMSI enough, having just read your story here, findingme. You can start now - there's no time like the present. It might get rough along the way, but you seem to have the will to change your circumstances, and you're pretty far along the way when it comes to introspection. DMSI will guide you and help change internalized beliefs.

Also, I'm willing to bet that the price of DMSI is going to increase with ver 3.2

[findingme]

Guys, I picked up UD last night. Various reasons.

1. Money. I had enough for UD, not enough for DMSI.
2. Not a primary reason, but Shannon admits DMSI hits stuff people are scared s***less over.
3. These are my primary motives: the scripting along with the newer technology.

He has LTU, Everything is Possible, Overcome Fear of Failure (which is huge for me), plus End Clutter, Get Organized. I've read the script for LTU many times, and I've desired to "live up" to that level. I didn't jump on it while in 5G format since it might be slow, and I was already doing E2 at the time.

But I jumped on this since the newer technology means it'll soak in much sooner and much easier. I knew/know DMSI will hit right into the core relational issues, and it .......scared me, being truthful. I wished to use UD to reap some of the benefits I've tasted on E2, like the positive emotional buzz of "everything is Ok!!", which I experienced once clearly with E2.

I will likely jump into DMSI in 3 months though. A step at a time :-)

But overcoming fear of failure is a big reason too for picking up UD. From finances to relationships, I've clung to my fears, hoping I'd find some old emotional safe spot by avoiding the risks associated or (imagined catastrophes) possible. US is in the skeleton too. The End Clutter, Get Organized script is a nice jewel I'm liking to since my room shows evidence of life-long cluttering and procrastination :-). Seeking a bit of "doing better" showing in a cleaner room.

When I first looked at UD, I thought it was just physical detoxing. I've done, and do, personal detoxing rituals daily, but assuming it was focused on that made me cynical. But finding Shannon explaining that detoxing is much, much more than just physical was a relief. I've spent months on health forums, and I even used a clean diet to try to hide from my life's emotional bad choices ("if I can control my food, I'll feel ok with myself"). It made food my new "drug of choice" for a while. It wasn't a pleasant realization for me at the time.

So, I'll be on this for at least 3 months, if not longer. I'm doing my second run already, and I'm wondering "if" I'll be hit by a wave of fatigue. Not yet. But I do look forward to the increased hunger since I only weigh 145 :-). Feeding myself healthily always makes me feel good emotionally.

[RTBoss]

Guys, I picked up UD last night. Various reasons.

1. Money. I had enough for UD, not enough for DMSI.
2. Not a primary reason, but Shannon admits DMSI hits stuff people are scared s***less over.
3. These are my primary motives: the scripting along with the newer technology.

He has LTU, Everything is Possible, Overcome Fear of Failure (which is huge for me), plus End Clutter, Get Organized. I've read the script for LTU many times, and I've desired to "live up" to that level. I didn't jump on it while in 5G format since it might be slow, and I was already doing E2 at the time.

But I jumped on this since the newer technology means it'll soak in much sooner and much easier. I knew/know DMSI will hit right into the core relational issues, and it .......scared me, being truthful. I wished to use UD to reap some of the benefits I've tasted on E2, like the positive emotional buzz of "everything is Ok!!", which I experienced once clearly with E2.

I will likely jump into DMSI in 3 months though. A step at a time :-)

But overcoming fear of failure is a big reason too for picking up UD. From finances to relationships, I've clung to my fears, hoping I'd find some old emotional safe spot by avoiding the risks associated or (imagined catastrophes) possible. US is in the skeleton too. The End Clutter, Get Organized script is a nice jewel I'm liking to since my room shows evidence of life-long cluttering and procrastination :-). Seeking a bit of "doing better" showing in a cleaner room.

When I first looked at UD, I thought it was just physical detoxing. I've done, and do, personal detoxing rituals daily, but assuming it was focused on that made me cynical. But finding Shannon explaining that detoxing is much, much more than just physical was a relief. I've spent months on health forums, and I even used a clean diet to try to hide from my life's emotional bad choices ("if I can control my food, I'll feel ok with myself"). It made food my new "drug of choice" for a while. It wasn't a pleasant realization for me at the time.

So, I'll be on this for at least 3 months, if not longer. I'm doing my second run already, and I'm wondering "if" I'll be hit by a wave of fatigue. Not yet. But I do look forward to the increased hunger since I only weigh 145 :-). Feeding myself healthily always makes me feel good emotionally.

Plrase start a UD journal, there aren't enough around. Very curious about this sub!

[findingme]

Will do RT. I'll share something that's coming up, as it's on my mind.

I live in south Florida--about 200 miles north of Miami, and I'm planning on staying with my mom, mostly out of wishing to be a "responsible son" with the approaching hurricane, that being my own creation.

I just spoke with her on the phone about me coming down to her place to do shopping pre-storm. I feel bad after speaking with her since I do NOT want to listen to this fear, that fear, this person's weakness..... it pisses me off since I wish to tell her. She acts helpless and constantly belittles people helping themselves.

It just is getting under my skin. I'VE played helpless. Noone joined. I sat in my misery until I asked for help for this, and seeing as she's still spinning this wheel it bothers me.

I will write later. My mom's an day to day active alcoholic. I'm going to have to set some doable boundaries for myself, and for her.