Was doing amazing up until today. I felt like I was the king of the world. Today I woke up and I didn't feel very hot. Lot's of insecurity. Thoughts that I needed Phero, testosterone supplements, steroids, etc. There is a correlation with drinking alcohol (small amts) and dips in my moods and self esteem. Finding that I can enjoy myself sober, so have to watch this carefully. Internally I find myself thinking more along the lines of I wonder what she's like instead of I wonder if she'll like me. Becoming prouder of my level of fitness. Still looking for my purpose, but not in such a self-berating kind of way. Better and better at work day in and out. I find if my name is attached to something I'll break my back for it. Still not at the point of saving money yet, but that is coming along quite quickly. Have been wanting to keep a cleaner house as well. (I have hated cleaning in the past). My taste in women has been solidified. I was telling one of my friends today that I have challenges being with girls that aren't fit and super perky. Have distilled that to mean my natural preference is for thinner fit girls.
Externally though I have noticed that I find a subject to relate to women as early on as I can. Women eye me everywhere I go. People hold doors, got free stuff, etc. I also have noticed that women will make a strong effort to keep the conversation going. I will also share things with women that I didn't before like I find them interesting and that I'm interested in them. I'm almost completely without a fear of rejection (still a lil bit). My female friends have noticed the vulnerablilty and connection that I've been working towards. No one has said I'm too emotional or anything like that. Just say that I'm actually working to connect with them more.
(05-03-2015, 04:19 PM)brightike Wrote: Stage 3 Day 9 - 11 hrs
Externally though I have noticed that I find a subject to relate to women as early on as I can. Women eye me everywhere I go. People hold doors, got free stuff, etc. I also have noticed that women will make a strong effort to keep the conversation going.
So what that insecurity looks like is along the lines of neediness in regards to my friends not contacting me and me feeling like there is something wrong with me/ the way I communicate/ my ability to be a friend to people, etc. Also getting nervous around girls that I shouldn't be. I just talked to a girl in the supermarket about movies. Really felt like I dropped the ball and didn't take the convo anywhere. I was attracted to her physically and I found nothing else about her because I didn't engage. She seemed more than willing to talk. Oh well. Millions of others.... But seriously.. Very cute lol
(05-03-2015, 06:44 PM)brightike Wrote: So what that insecurity looks like is along the lines of neediness in regards to my friends not contacting me and me feeling like there is something wrong with me/ the way I communicate/ my ability to be a friend to people, etc. Also getting nervous around girls that I shouldn't be. I just talked to a girl in the supermarket about movies. Really felt like I dropped the ball and didn't take the convo anywhere. I was attracted to her physically and I found nothing else about her because I didn't engage. She seemed more than willing to talk. Oh well. Millions of others.... But seriously.. Very cute lol
I feel your pain lol. It's so sad that we'll never get to enjoy them all, isn't it?
Mounds of insecure crap take two. Want to run away and hide from the world aka yoga retreat, camping, etc. Feeling like I'm lost and aimless again. Going to try to run this feeling out of my body.
Also was thinking about getting a second job to catch up on bills and such. Going to get screwed when I do taxes sometime lol. Seriously though... This mood had better end soon!!
05-11-2015, 08:17 AM (This post was last modified: 05-11-2015, 10:10 AM by brightike.)
Stage 3 Day 17 - 11 hrs
Where to begin. So all the neediness and insecurity from my previous posts lasted about three days. Then life took an a really good turn. I got the balls to ask a barista out that is at a coffee shop I frequent. She's about a 8 and in the past had intimidated the shit outta me. I found common gound again and soon she was telling me she was a nurse. I said "hmm, you seem pretty interesting" and then took my coffee and walked away. Sat down for a bit and then before I was done reading there was a thought in my mind. "You haven't seen her in a while and it's 745. She's off shift, pack up and go." I actually felt I had to rush. As I was leaving... Look who comes out of work. She get's on the escalator beside me, but close enough that it's abnormal for an escalator. I said I'd like to get to know you outside of here (gesturing to book/coffee shop) She said oh yeah? I let it hang. "Well do you have a number?" I laughed and said Yeah I think so, haha. Date's insued followed by risk night and dinner at my place. Int/ext changes so far will follow today.
- Neediness about people not contacting me is gone. I realize energy in = Results. If I don't make new friends then I shouldn't expect anything to change.
- Friends said that they can tell that I value myself more. They can't describe it.. Just in my speech patterns and body language. (Haven't worked on this consciously)
- Have no problem talking to any girl that is in my immediate vicinity. However I'm only ok with cold approaching an 8 or 9.
- I am very confident in my value as a person/friend/ bf and in that regard have moved from wanting to play the field with a bunch of girls to disqualifying pretty much everyone that doesn't fit my boundaries/interests etc.
- I have ugly duckling syndrome, but that is going away quickly.
- Gratefulness abounding
External
- People go out of their way to hold doors
- Online profiles started getting hits from a lot more hot women that seemed to be interested in someone stable
- Almost no reaction to women's jibs and games (I don't believe that all play them.. Especially on purpose)
- I have a bubble halo around me in large crowds*read proximics
- Was able to approach, date, etc an 8 I've seen, but been intimidated by for about a year.
- Just reconnected with a lady I was starting a friendship with that told me that she couldn't be friends with me, but invited me to join her and her boyfriend to "tag team the hell out of her"
Loving the life WM rocks... Even the bad shows you how far the good goes
.
