Blank Slate - EPRHA 2.0

[Natious]

I want to find direction. I want to aim for something. I want, I want and I want! Life without direction is death. The agony of not having any clear direction is killing me!

I think I am finally getting ready to run AM. A bird told me that it helps you find out what you want in life. I want that! I want to know what I want. What is the difference between the person who takes action day after day and the person who sits still, doing nothing? Is it direction?

[Natious]

On a second thought, I want to keep that last post to myself.

[Natious]

Today's my birthday and I've been feeling so fucking depressed ever since I woke up. Just another day to remind me that I'm getting older and further from reaching my dream. Some days I just feel so hopeless and wish to die.

I can't seem to catch a break. Even when the things change internally, the external doesn't seem to move or if it does, then it's hard to see it.

Today has been tough.

[Benjamin]

Happy birthday man.

Today's my birthday and I've been feeling so ***** depressed ever since I woke up.

Damn, I can identify... I get depressed on my birthdays too in recent years which I never used to. It seemed to be such a happy time when younger now it reminds me of things I don't want to be reminded of.

[Natious]

Thanks Ben.

I am considering using St John's Wart to help with the depression. I wonder how it would affect the effectiveness of subliminals.

[RTBoss]

E2 lead me to try myo-inositol (purchased from PowderCity.com) and used it to completely alleviate any depression I had. I'm not saying it will be your new dawn, as it was mine, but it may be worth trying. It can take some time to work, but I saw results within a week. St. John's Wort can take some time as well, but I felt like this was a more natural happy than SJW. It can take up to 10-12g/day, split doses, to work. Check it out.

[Natious]

I've been to powdercity a few times to check out a wide range of products I want to try. So far I have been staying with the more natural things. Interestingly it's also on myprotein which is an UK based online store. To be honest, I can't stand the anti depressant feeling I get from SJW so far, but I'll give it a month before I decided to try anything else.

[chaosvrgn]

Uridine (sublingual administration) + ALCAR + B-Vitamins + Fish Oil = You'll thank me later. Amazing mix.

Wanna boost it even higher? Add L-Glutamine to the mix.

[Natious]

Uridine (sublingual administration) + ALCAR + B-Vitamins + Fish Oil = You'll thank me later. Amazing mix.

Wanna boost it even higher? Add L-Glutamine to the mix.

I am actually taking 5g of L-glutamie a day which I started about a week ago. I currently don't lift so 5g should be enough. Got a 1kg bag from myprotein. Getting B vitamins and Omega 3 fish oil asap when I get a few extra bucks I can spend. I won't be able to buy all of them at once though.

On to the journal, I still feel so stuck! It's like I am enslaved by my bad habits and weak mentality. I am curious if any people have had a complete 180 with AM6. I've read about changes here and there, but has anyone really had their life turned around from being stuck and doing little to gain the determination and drive to get things done? It might be the depression, but I just don't see myself becoming that person.
My mind lacks the imagination to visualize a future where I am strong and determined like a bloodhound that picked up a scent.

[Natious]

I want:

I want to live with boldness.
I want to take action.
I don't want to live with coldness
but enjoy each interaction.

Fuck you fear
for keeping me stuck
Nothing I hold dear,
heart's heavy as a rock.

I want to be free
from my own damn mind
Until I count to three
and be gone in the wind

That just came out of nowhere, but why not?

[Natious]

So I have been reading "pray rain journal" and that got me thinking about LOA again. I want to set things in motion but I have some fears related to it.

One being that I don't know how to balance doing what feels good and dealing with reality or problems that might arise. It requires a lot of ignorance as I understand it.

Another is that last time I allowed myself to be a creator, things started happening rather fast and I don't know if I was ready for them. An old friend randomly called me wanting to do something similar and invited me with her. That was pretty much a perfect way to go about it at the time. Then months later when I had some money issues and didn't worry about it, I sent out one CV that I barely put together and got an instant interview and then the job. Things just happened when there was no other explanation.

LOA works, I have no questions about it. But it can be scary when so much starts to happen. To successfully and quickly manifest, it takes some delusion and ignorance which is something that is hard to accept.

LOA also seems to work a little too much on the high vibrational level, which to me doesn't seem like it's rooted in strength, but rather in weakness. Masculinity and strength seems to come with a certain level of negativity and pain. I might be wrong about this though, but it doesn't seem like a way that leads to strength.

Has anyone else thought these thoughts? Would be interesting to hear what other people make of it.

[Natious]

I highly suggest Hardcore Henry to whoever hasn't seen it!

[kalmah0804]

Hey man, thanks for posting in my journal. I haven't yet read through all of yours, but I read the first and last pages in this thread and just want to share my 2 cents:

So as far as growth and stuff goes, I don't know what your original situation was like, but mine was pretty shitty, and I've been on subs (including AM6.0 twice, 96+ days of EPRHA1, and now over 50 days of EPRHA2) for over 2 years at this point... they have helped me a lot and yet still I have so much to grow. I don't know how much sub listening you've been doing before this thread, so I apologize if this stuff feels out of turn:

I was really moved by the way you spoke about your dad. I don't know if the things that were said in the first post are still relevant, but I urge--no, implore you--PLEASE read the first post in my healing thread. Please don't take your Dad for granted or treat him with distance, because I was literally in your shoes not 2 years ago, and had a shell of what my father once was.. and I couldn't stand to look at him, let alone be with him, and I basically didn't see him or let him know that I cared the last year of his life--and he died very suddenly without me being able to make amends. If you want a relationship in your life, you have to work at it, even if its with your own parents, or people who you think you should be close with automatically for various reasons. You have to let your dad know that he's still your dad and that you do care, because it might seem obvious, but if he's struggling this much, he really might not know/feel it.

Trust me, dude... I wish I hadn't taken my Dad for granted. I know it sounds cliche, but you have no idea what I'd do to get him back so I could have one last moment and let him know how much I cared.

As far as the depression stuff goes, I'm still battling through it every day, now--I'm such a grabbag of random mood swings, I never know which day I'll be great and which day I'll be abysmal as all hell, but I think it's important to stick with the sub and let it carry you to better days.

[Natious]

E2 is going well, feel no need to switch soon. I think 6 months on E2 will be enough before switching to another sub, this will mean I've will have run E1-E2 for at least a year. My anniversary since I started EPRHA 1 a year ago is about a month away.

The subs effectiveness seems to have compounded recently, results are going exponential.

Exponential growth describes EPRHA 2.0 perfectly. I have been playing video games less and less. I have started doing visualizations of the kind of future I want to have which I started about a week ago. I possibly manifested a way to have some monthly income without actually having to get a job, nothing major but it's different.
My goals in life seem to get clearer. Although I am still a little bit doubtful about my dream and find the possibility of achieving it a little hard to believe, I am working on making it inevitable in my mind. The people who have achieved what I want to achieve have gone against incredible odds and if I want to truly achieve this, that will require very high standards of me, I will need to think like 99.9% of people don't, but most of all I need to believe it and know that it is inevitable.

Then there are smaller goals that will bring me closer to my dream. This is where subliminals come into play. What I want right now is to start pushing my comfort zone, go out and interact with people, challenge myself. Be a man of action, a man who acts despite of fear. No overthinking, no over analyzing.

@khalmah As I improve, my relationships should improve.