Blank Slate - EPRHA 2.0

[CatMan]

Keep going, Natious. Sounds like the usual lethargy resistance Shannon has spoken of before, to me.

[Raz]

Well I don't like to admit it but I kind of am in a similar place as he is. If I didn't force myself to take the language course that I'm taking right now, I wouldn't leave my house. The only thing that used to get me out of the house before was when I got so drunk that the anxiety didn't stop me. Now being 5 months sober, I kind of don't know how to make it happen. Admitting this makes me feel incredibly weak.

Lately I feel like I care less and less about people. Maybe that's why I'm not willing to go the length to help my father. I just don't know if I care enough. It's odd, I used to be such a caring person, at least I think I used to be.

Five months! That is great to read Natious. I can totally relate to the block in social interactions that come with staying clear from alcohol. I remember when I decided to get away from drinking it was the same for me. But it will get gradually easier to get out for any- and everything over time. Right now is still recalibration. When I was about a year in sober reality it really started to be easy and fun to go out and do stuff. You know, this is nothing to feel weak about. On the contrary.

Wish you all the best!

[Natious]

Thanks for the support guys! That means a lot.

Today and yesterday were indeed very lethargic days. Today seemed like a terrible day in overall, it's like the universe did everything in it's power to make all of my efforts to fail today. And for some reason I sensed that there is a lesson in there somewhere for me to learn from. I am not 100% sure it's that but at one point I opened a book "a guide to rational living" which I haven't read yet at a random page to see what it's about and there was this part where he said to one of his patients:
"And still, right this minute, you keep trying to avoid frustration by inducing me to put you lazily through several years of psychoanalysis, which will give you more time to wallow in your bitterness instead of doing something to change it and will allow you the continued luxury of hating others instead of looking into yourself and surrendering your own needless feelings of hatred."
It might be a coincidence, yet I feel like it's a pretty good direction to look towards.

I have noticed that my acne has pretty much disappeared ever since I stopped ASC and started eprha, that's great!

[Shannon]

Well I don't like to admit it but I kind of am in a similar place as he is. If I didn't force myself to take the language course that I'm taking right now, I wouldn't leave my house. The only thing that used to get me out of the house before was when I got so drunk that the anxiety didn't stop me. Now being 5 months sober, I kind of don't know how to make it happen. Admitting this makes me feel incredibly weak.

Lately I feel like I care less and less about people. Maybe that's why I'm not willing to go the length to help my father. I just don't know if I care enough. It's odd, I used to be such a caring person, at least I think I used to be.

Congratulations on your sobriety, Nautious!

Have a look at it like this.

When you were drinking, you were probably using it as a crutch to mask your pain and hide from uncomfortable truths in your life. Now that you're going sober, you need to learn new and healthier coping mechanisms.

In the beginning of any learning cycle, you're weak. Nobody just magically knows how to type, play piano, fly a jet or anything else. It takes learning, practice, repetition, discovery and time.

Feeling weak only tells you that you're at the beginning of your new learning cycle. It's a good thing, because it means you're becoming stronger in a new direction. Learning new coping mechanisms is a great thing to do for yourself. And in such a situation, you may have to focus on yourself before you try to help someone else.

But both of you could benefit from EHPRA 2.0 without effort if he was being exposed. And since it takes no real effort... why not?

[Shannon]

Thanks for the support guys! That means a lot.

Today and yesterday were indeed very lethargic days. Today seemed like a terrible day in overall, it's like the universe did everything in it's power to make all of my efforts to fail today. And for some reason I sensed that there is a lesson in there somewhere for me to learn from. I am not 100% sure it's that but at one point I opened a book "a guide to rational living" which I haven't read yet at a random page to see what it's about and there was this part where he said to one of his patients:
"And still, right this minute, you keep trying to avoid frustration by inducing me to put you lazily through several years of psychoanalysis, which will give you more time to wallow in your bitterness instead of doing something to change it and will allow you the continued luxury of hating others instead of looking into yourself and surrendering your own needless feelings of hatred."
It might be a coincidence, yet I feel like it's a pretty good direction to look towards.

I have noticed that my acne has pretty much disappeared ever since I stopped ASC and started eprha, that's great!

That sounds like the acne was the end result of a stress cascade.

So why would you have feelings of self hate?

[Natious]

That's a great way to look at things, thanks for the fresh perspective Shannon. I don't think I would have discovered that out on my own since I am looking at it too closely. And it is true, I did use the booze to numb and hide from things.

For some reason ASC brought on a lot of stress. The self hate? I am not sure, I try to observe it more often now, since in reality it shouldn't be there. I feel like the amount of bullying I went through might have left some scars. I mean I'm sure it's not the severest amount of bullying one can go through, but it's just something I never learned to cope with.
It could also have to do with being a virgin and finding it socially unacceptable and being ashamed of that. The tape in the head about this is rough.
But the more likely deeper reason is that all of these are expectations. I expect to be able to do this and be that and if I'm not able to do that... HATE. I want to feel good in social settings and feel no anxiety, but it won't work and then I start hating myself for being so god damn weak and not being able to change. Well that's enough self pity in one post.

I had an interesting dream tonight. I went to a party with a few friends and it was packed (on the streets). I felt good before going there, but when I got there I found myself overcome by the terror of all these people being there. It seemed that I was sober in this dream and that's what made it even harder. I woke up at one point and started to reflect on that dream.
When I was there, all I could think about was how horrible the situation was. However when I woke up I thought how much I actually wanted to socialize but couldn't because the terror not only took away my ability to have a conversation but also the positivity or any enjoyment I might have had before, so even if I were to muster up some courage I didn't enjoy being there even one bit. Actually I even wanted to be a party planner at some point in my life since when I am not crippled by fear I am an incredibly fun person and I enjoy entertaining others. Yet the anxiety is something that I have never really known how to deal with.

That realization will yet again clarify the direction that I must move towards and E2 will be here to assist!

[Natious]

I managed to figure out how my father could also get some exposure from my E2 use. I placed my speakers better and will leave E2 on 24/7 so when I'm not home my father will be exposed. I can't get him his own set-up though, sadly.
I have a question relating to this though, should I buy a second copy of E2 for this? There's no way of actually giving him the copy though, so I would be holding 2 copies of E2. I want to be sure I get the full benefits of the program and won't be using it and later realizing that anti-piracy has disabled the program for me.

So I've been incredibly bored recently, bored out of my mind. 80% of the time the stuff that used to interest me no longer don't.
My focus and motivation have diminished and that gets to me sometimes. Now that I saw how my motivation and concentration can grow on ASC, this feels like even a bigger issue after it's gone again.
Also I've been feeling quite tired lately, might be the long hours of E2. I guess this should stabilize later on.

[LionKing]

Shannon said there's no AP code in E2 a while go in some thread, though of course I guess if he's listening to it daily without you being there you should probably get another copy? I gave one copy out to a girl, and I now have two orders for the program on my account, I hear that's fine.

[Natious]

LionKing: Posts:666

If I understood correctly, we can also give away the copy we own if we won't be using it again. So I could just give him my copy after I'm done with it. Normally this wouldn't be so complicated but I'm a student and don't have an income so I don't have the extra 90 bucks for a second copy. The only solution I currently see here is that I reverse the speaker setting to how it initially was, so only I will get the most exposure.

[4Kingdoms]

I'm a student and don't have an income so I don't have the extra 90 bucks for a second copy.

The price went up $25 on April 14, 2016.
http://www.subliminal-shop.com/product/e...g-aid-2-0/
$114.95

[ArcticFox]

I managed to figure out how my father could also get some exposure from my E2 use. I placed my speakers better and will leave E2 on 24/7 so when I'm not home my father will be exposed. I can't get him his own set-up though, sadly.
I have a question relating to this though, should I buy a second copy of E2 for this? There's no way of actually giving him the copy though, so I would be holding 2 copies of E2. I want to be sure I get the full benefits of the program and won't be using it and later realizing that anti-piracy has disabled the program for me.

So I've been incredibly bored recently, bored out of my mind. 80% of the time the stuff that used to interest me no longer don't.
My focus and motivation have diminished and that gets to me sometimes. Now that I saw how my motivation and concentration can grow on ASC, this feels like even a bigger issue after it's gone again.
Also I've been feeling quite tired lately, might be the long hours of E2. I guess this should stabilize later on.

(I think) As long as you don't listen to another copy while yours is playing 24/7 you'll be ok, don't quote me on that tho!

i.e. you cant listen to it on headphones while you are out if its playing at your house, you would need to buy a 2nd copy.

[Natious]

Fair enough. If it's true that E2 doesn't have AP then I should be ok. I do use earphones with masked while I sleep, however I don't see how that changes anything.
I don't see the way I use it as "piracy" when I father gets some exposure, but this has been argued over a few times already so if Shannon doesn't have an issue with this then I'll leave it as is.

Wow this is quite tiring, I am now leaving E2 on for 23h+ when I stay home and it really tires me out. It's an interesting kind of tired though, I feel like I am high and it's hard to understand what's going on. For now this is just to experiment with the inbuilt pauses that Shannon mentioned somewhere.

Today I felt this incredibly weird feeling like something was constantly crawling all over my skin. It felt a little bit like going crazy! I think it's some sort of resistance, but I can't be sure. This calmed down later on during the day.

There's this girl in my class that clearly has a crush on me. I went to class yesterday and sat down at my one person table (the regular tables they have in school) and out of nowhere she comes and sits at this one person table with me! I'm like "Uhm, you know this is clearly not big enough for the both of us.", first she acts shocked and then she responds: "Whaaat? Oh you kidding... haha.." to which I say nothing. So we both sit at this one person table... I think she was stoned, so that might be why.

I'm still reading this book on "Reality Transurfing" and this stuff is just incredibly interesting. Currently trying to wrap my head around the pendulums.

[CatMan]

LionKing: Posts:666

ILLUMINATI CONFIRMED!

Seems Dzemoo, Benjamin, and Alpha360 have recruited a new member...

[Benjamin]

I thought the secret club here was the lego club?