03-28-2021, 02:55 PM
(03-28-2021, 09:02 AM)THolt Wrote:(03-25-2021, 07:02 AM)djl4 Wrote: Day 3
Woke up in a lot of resistance, did some breath work and reached a place where I felt relatively free from fear, and so I went outside to enjoy a coffee.
Like many of us, I've been mostly inside this year, so I'm trying to make a new effort to go outside at least once a day just to enjoy the spring weather. I had a nice time. I drank coffee, people watched, and worked on some music in my head.
I definitely felt significantly less fear in a totally general sense. A zen like freedom, enjoying my own company. The only thing in my way is a kind of strong expectation that women should be checking me out, or that I should be approaching, talking to them. This is really making me suffer at the moment. Some girls sat down next to me, and were looking over at me but I just didn't want to engage. It didn't seem to be a matter of fear for me in that moment. Another woman walked by that I was actually really interested in, but she didn't really give me any signals so I decided not to engage. So in the second instance it was perhaps fear of making a fool of myself. But I think since it's only Day 3 (lol) I need to be gentle around the topic of women and dating and perhaps just let the program do it's thing. My brain may be a bit confused from me switching from Woman Magnet Affirmations to the Fear Sub.
I don't like feeling so needy for attention from women, and I want to be able to live my life to the full and enjoy my own company. I still have a lot of fear that "I'm never going to figure out the secret to women" and that I need to DO something or I'll never get it. At some point this may be true, massive action may be required to achieve certain changes, but I think that mindset is actually getting in my way at this point in time.
In the absence of fear (or much less), I am noticing my other emotions more, most notably that I am lonely and a bit depressed. I don't think I could even feel it before because my panic was so strong. So I feel this burning need to rectify my situation, which is good, but patience is key.
I have to regulate my expectations, be honest with myself, and be patient. These are things that are difficult for me, but I have learned from therapy to some extent. The nature of the mind seems to be to lack appreciation for the major changes already happening, and moving on to suffering about what I don't have.
I have been thinking about how I can best allow the program to do it's work, and this is what I came up with. (My 5 commandments?).
1. Continue Reichian Breathwork
2. Go outside and explore, or socialize each day
3. Keep pushing for progress in both the little things (cleaning my house, organizing, working out, etc.) and the big things (my music, my job, my well being, etc.)
4. Avoid conflicting mind programming
5. Play the program as per instructions.
How is your social anxiety?
I am running E4 and have two two months left on my run. After that I will switch to OF V2. I have issue with social anxiety and fear in general. I feel like fear has held me back from a lot of opportunities earlier in my life.
Its early and there's so many factors, but I will say I noticed a difference the first few days and that difference is still there. I feel like i'ms second guessing myself a lot less socially.
So, if my social anxiety was a 4 before, it's maybe a 2 now. But this doesn't include anxiety around approaching and escalating with women, etc. that is different, and is still present for me.. Maybe went from an 8 to a 6 so far.
But this is all just kind of going on my gut, and speculation. Life is complicated and anxiety levels can vary from day to day regardless.
