AwesomeYoungDude's Alpha Journal

[Shannon]

AM11 appears to have taken a more active role in female attraction. That is evidenced by the overwhelming request for it in the AM11 suggestion thread. You are the script designer and need to satisfy the market (paying the bills is nice). I have no problems with nor do I fear female attraction, I deal with it all the time and have dealt with it prior to alpha. My question was to make sure that this attraction was not the only way that an alpha instills confidence in himself. From your reply I can assume that its not the only why confidence is instilled. I also expect that if this assumption is wrong that you will clarify that statement.

"Confidence" based on attracting others is external and thus useless. Genuine confidence comes from within, and cannot be had by such external things as attracting women. One may become skilled at attracting women, or even seducing them; and naturally, one would become confident in one's ability to do so. But that does not translate in anyway to genuine confidence in oneself as a man, or at one's core. So attracting women really has nothing to do with the confidence I am interested in instilling, and therefore, does not exist within the program as such. That is to say, the program makes no attempt to, or association of, attracting women as a means to attain confidence.

My prior posts, were axe grinding, which you should detect as the alpha process. Its a compliment that I question what is going on, the a student is questioning the master. Thats what AM is training me to do. I understand that and as stated "I'm growing a backbone". I'm refining my approach but I'm still driven to question what I don't know or understand (as stated in my previous posts).

I haven't really been taking it as "axe grinding". It's good that you question, as communication is critical for understanding. No person in a capacity of a sharer of knowledge would get very far without questions from those they are sharing knowledge with when they are necessary for understanding.

My posting, ceased along time ago to be for my benefit and instead is for yours, (with the exception of posts like this). I feel an obligation to repay you for your efforts in improving my life. While I have made purchases with the intent to keep your business going (and will continue my monthly purchases, so get those 4G's converted), I also understand that many will read this thread and watch a journey with which they will also want. I amplify many aspects of posts in order to emphasize my feelings, thoughts, and actions. The posts are created in order for you and others to see into my sole and know what is going on. To others taking a similar journey they will wonder the same. What is my focus, why am I listening to the sub, what can I expect. Some will find that their goals are not the same as the 18+ section. This thread will help them to align their expectations in order to maximize the benefits of the sub.

I very much appreciate your consideration, patronage and efforts to help my business through your posts and other support. Believe me, it does not go un-noticed. Thank you.

Don't be surprised that I'm questioning direction wanting to avoid things that I find unnecessary (tis the alpha way). Don't be surprised that I'm grinding my axe. It is human nature for us to disagree. Its a compliment that I now challenge you one your beliefs. Count these as compliments to your success. Its proof that you are indeed the best at what you do. Now with that said, here it comes.

I'm not sure I see where or how we disagree, but one thing I have spent a good portion of my life learning is "to each their own". Challenge away; without questions and challenges, the truth may slip away un-noticed. I make no claims of infallibility in action or knowledge.

[axe grinding]In regards to the error I found in the cancer script. I know that I copied the line I posted from the cancer script thread posting not from the store description. I was not in error on that one. The script post changed. I did not then nor do I now need a GC. I let that one slide and should not have, it re-affirmed that I was then a beta male.[/axe grinding]

When the posted script is in error, and the error does not appear in the build script, there is little point in doing anything besides fixing the posted error, and if memory serves, that is what happened.

Got to love that backbone. I now consider my axe ground enough. Alpha Male has me ready to become a lumber jack with all the axe sharpening I'm doing lately.

Good. Stand up and be counted.

Ok I could use a little more clarification on your statement below. "It has uses and value aside from that;" Does this apply to confidence or female attraction or both. If its female attraction then I could use more clarification. How will this help with the non-sexual attraction of my life.

Confidence attracts women. That is a well known fact. Whether you want it to or not is immaterial. It has uses and value aside from that; if you are not interested in the women whom it attracts, simply ignore them.

I am referring to increasing one's genuine self confidence. My point is that attracting women is not the point of achieving genuine self confidence, and that trying to make it the point usually de-rails the end result. Attracting women is never the goal of the man seeking to improve himself for his own good, and that is why he achieves his goals: he is doing it for his own good. Attracting women happens as a by-product. Put women aside, and you succeed in becoming what they want, in this case. Do it "for them", or "to attract them" (i.e. for external reasons) and you become a thin veneer facad of confidence that is only skin deep. That's why so many guys fail when they're trying to make themselves better, because they're trying to make themselves better for the wrong reasons, which don't make for the right motivations to do the things and make the changes that most need to be made for the best women to be attracted. Women have evolved over many, many generations to be able to sense when a man is genuinely healthy or not, and the best ones don't fall for the guys who are just a veneer of success.

[AwesomeYoungDude]

Stage 3 Week 4 - Week 7 Overcoming Procrastination 4G

• Asserting myself towards all whom I think don't respect my opinion, downplay my input, or are threatened by me(batman senses). Boy-oh-boy does this cause waves in the corporate world. But as Confucius say "When a frog jumps into a pond, there will be waves."
  
• Working on improving my assertion skills without coming off as pushy.
  
• My posture is changing when I'm actively participating in meetings. My right foot is forward, left back, my back is straight, I'm leaning slightly forward, fingers intertwined on the table in front of me. I'm giving off the appearance of a runner antisipating the start of a race. This will occur mostly when in one-on-one meetings or discussions.
  
• Aggressively defending my position. Its not the defense of a position just because someone else is proposing something different (thats just cocky), but its defending a position in which I've studied, thought-through, and determined a conclusion. (Well this is not new for me. I'm use to defending a position and going against the grain. I'm always prepared prior to these exchanges, however, over the last few years my aggressiveness has mellowed. I'd got to the point of saying "whats the use." Over the last few weeks my annoyance with others in senior positions has increased. Now I'm defending my position, which means a change to the current methods, against very senior fellow-employees (the gods). Few within the company go up against these guys. Most buckle and just take their direction without question. Defending a position against them takes real cojones (...can I say that here). My actions are winning the approval of some, but causing others to take a defensive posture or outright attacking me or any position I have. I'm a threat to their power. Yet I'm not backing down unless they show a better solution.) (Additional notes: this is also occurring outside of work as was apparent in my earlier posts.)
  
• Persistence in pushing myself to overcome. If I sense resistance creeping in I work to identify and resolve the issue. If the desire is to not start an action then I force myself. If the thought is "I'm tired so go ahead and stop the current action." I force myself to continue. If I sense depression I will make sure to get physical activity or a workout. The sun can do wonderful things. To put things in perspective I think I'm only at 25% of where I want to be in relation to the ability to push myself. I have a long way to go on this one, but 25% is a major increase over what I was.
  
• Life is becoming very busy. I have less time for the forum. I will continue to post but may not get time to read others posts.
  
• I admit I'm lost when it comes to what is called enlightenment. I tend to see things for what they are. I identify new aspects of a thing "flame" that were not present to my understanding. I appreciate the absents of a thing when it is not present. Enlightenment for me is not a mystical understanding that is beyond others comprehension, but its the ability to appreciate, understand, and utilize a thing. This process makes the thing of more importance and value to my existence. Enlightenment means having the ability to share this knowledge with others.
  
• Finding that the things I thought I uniquely struggled with are common struggles for my peers both within the forum and without.
  
• Not working out as much as I would like to.
  
• As quickly as it flared up, the annoyance at EVERYONE has come down several notches. The down ticks coincided with the completion of my confrontation with the major individuals I felt I had a conflict with. As stated above I'm still annoyed at some just not everyone. (Shannon you are safe now LOL...or are you).
  

The growth of a backbone came off to some as "biting the hand the feeds you." However it is needed if you believe that you are being fed BS, then, for my case, biting that hand was beneficial to my growth. As stated above once I had confronted the many issues current and past within my life, the storm lighten, and the sun started to shine again. I still have my bat senses (BS) go off at about a mile away, however, I'm getting better at not confronting until I have a better understanding of the issue. Good growth this stage.

[Spiral]

That's how I've been with bs. I was never one to confront someone because I don't usually test people. If it's something I understand though as you mentioned I will put my foot down and go with what I know and tell them what the deal is. At this point though I just don't listen once the bs starts to roll out.

And as far as enlightenment.. I can agree on what you have to say there. People have different understandings of what being spiritual and enlightened actually means but I think the deepest part of it is true gratification of what is like you were saying. That's all it is and I firmly believe that. Being truly, genuinely grateful is not an easy thing for most people. With gratification come forgiveness and Cortez mentioned something a while back that struck a chord with me. Only until you forgive others will you be happy. Something like that.

You're progress looks good btw. It's good to see you are seeing improvement in posture and in assertiveness. I could say it's been that way for me as well.

[Shannon]

I admit I'm lost when it comes to what is called enlightenment. I tend to see things for what they are. I identify new aspects of a thing "flame" that were not present to my understanding. I appreciate the absents of a thing when it is not present. Enlightenment for me is not a mystical understanding that is beyond others comprehension, but its the ability to appreciate, understand, and utilize a thing. This process makes the thing of more importance and value to my existence. Enlightenment means having the ability to share this knowledge with others.

In reference to my "what is not" thread, I will clarify something important.

I could just tell everyone the answer. But if I did, they would not go through the process of discovery, which is what makes the answer make sense. Just telling you would leave you just as confused, because the growth to getting there yourself would not have taken place. That thread is my invitation to seek the answer and in the process, grow. Just knowing this answer will not make you "Enlightened"; but it will enlighten you in a way that brings a whole new understanding of the world around you which really makes things interesting. I believe it is also a significant step towards "Enlightenment", as well.

[AwesomeYoungDude]

Stage 3 Week 5 - Week 8 Overcoming Procrastination 4G

Life got a lot more busy lately, my time is now used towards activities which directly effect my future.  Because of that, I was unable to change from stage 3 to stage 4 on the 32 day schedule.  Stage 3 was extended by 7 days.

• Stopped drinking my favor caffeine source.  Its not that I've stop caffeine, its just that I've been meaning to cut that source out.  One day I concluded now is the time.  So far so good this is a stepping stone of course towards larger acts of self control.  I expect my confidence in this small thing to give me confidence in big things.  
  
• I've started to laugh out loud lately.  What was only humorous before has now become funny.  
  
• I'm beginning to find enjoyment in classical music.
  
• In order to build self discipline, which I equate to alpha, I'm starting to deny myself of small things.  Maybe better said I'm pushing myself to improve my self control and will power as with the stopping a specific caffeine source stated above.  I'm starting to do this in other parts of my life.  These are not rules like the caffeine drinks, "I will not drink that any more",  but small acts which deny me of things I've become accustom to.  Forgoing a mid meal snack, not buying the impulse item at the store checkout line, not stopping at the convenience store, etc.  My motivation is not that I need to deny myself of something in order to progress to a new state.  It's more of a small step in increasing my confidence in my ability to have true self control and will power.
  
• Re-reading chapter or entire sections of books in order to make sure I master material or a subject.
  
• Using my spare time much more constructive.  (which means less forum time)
  
• Starting to think its not "becoming alpha to everyone else" that I want, it's confidence in my ability to do things excellently that I'm desiring.  With self-discipline such that I know I can accomplish whatever I desire to achieve.  The confidence is founded upon knowledge and experiences showing to myself that I'm who I want to be.  This includes both mental and physical desire, motivation, discipline, will power, and persistence to continue to the goal.  At times I thinks it ok for my not to be the alpha male among my peers.  I'm less and less caring if I'm an Alpha.  I want to fully respect myself.  I want that level of confidence in myself, because it really does not matter what the world thinks of me.  What matters Is what I think of me.
  

[AwesomeYoungDude]

Stage 4 Week 1 - Week 9 Overcoming Procrastination 4G

• Night sleep pattern changed from zonked to restless. Dreams returned to being remembered and very vivid, but showing no alpha sub generated patterns that I can detect. I also have pre-waking dread. This normally occurred on Monday morning, but I've had a few mornings lately in which I have a feeling of dread. The dread leaves once I'm awake. One nightmare of which I can not remember just waking up knowing that in the dream the world was against me.
  
• Previously I mentioned that I was not eating as much. That phase only lasted a week after which I regained my appetite. I hit another not-eating-phase. Sometimes I could just pass on a meal and instead have a small snack.
  
• Gaining respect within my company. I'm very vocal in meetings with my opinions. When a meeting gets out of control, which occurs the majority of the time, I will take control and keep the topic on task. This is not new to me in that its a natural part of my personality. However, that portion of my personality was dormant for quite a while.
  
• Still having problems with spelling. Something happened since Max Memory and AM11. I'm needing to learn to spell which for some reason I never learnt. This may have been an issue in the past and my mind skillfully maneuvered me around it.
  
• Would love Shannon to complete the Max Memory and Extreme Self Esteem 4G subs. (self-esteem is for my family in prep for Life-Tuneup which will start this fall)
  
• Would love a sub for spelling but the queue for subs appears to be into 2012.
  
• Increased annoyance at individuals who refuse to change. The phrases, "Hey that's the way it's always been", or "It must be OK because that's how I've done it in the past.", strike a raw nerve with me.
  
• Maybe seeing the inklings of improvement in my wage (current employment). Nothing yet but the rustling in the trees have peek my interest. It may, however, just be the wind.
  
• Not sure what's up with posture and walk. Sometimes I'm aware that my walk is slow with straight back and square shoulders, other times I just walk not aware of my posture, back, or shoulders. Not sure I care any more.
  
• Attention span improving. I'm able to listen and learn in meetings. I'm still attentive while others are starting to mind drift.
  
• Still hitting patches of resistance and neediness. Also hitting stretches of procrastination. The duration and intensities of the patches are getting less and less.
  
• Hmmm stage 4 or something is doing a number on my libido, which seems to be very OK with Ms AYD.
  

[AwesomeYoungDude]

Stage 4 Week 2 - Week 10 Overcoming Procrastination 4G

If I were to describe the themes of the stages so far I would describe stage 1 - "Envision the future", Stage 2 - "Boot camp, break down, total meltdown", Stage 3 "teenage rebellion, it doesn't matter what it is, just rebel against it" or "bite the hand that feeds you until you get your owners attention and respect of how hard you can bite", Stage 4 - "Taming of the Shrew", or "Transformation, The Beginning"

• Hit a patch of resistance followed by a spike in euphoria.
  
• General increase in positive attitude. This confidence is similar to that reported in my earlier posts, but with more confidence in my future. Success is not a wish or hope, but more an inevitable event. I see as a real possibility the things I previously only wished for.
  
• More and more I'm increasing in productivity and motivation. I'm having stronger desires to get started and done. (The motivation is still way lower than I want, but I'm improving and I still hit patches of resistant.)
  
• Stronger desire to truly live the beliefs, values, and principles that bring integrity. I want to walk the walk of what I talk and belief. I want integrity in my life. I want to know that I'm true to myself. I want to know that I'm the master of my sole. There is no need for me to wear a mask of something that I'm not. I'm working to be the person personified by the mask. Why remove the mask and say hey this is who I am, and I'm now comfortable with that when I can become truly what the mask represents. I'll use consumption of food as an metaphor. If I wanted the world to think that I ate only nutritional food and I wore the mask well and the world believed that I only ate nutritional food, but while no one was looking I consumed whatever I wanted. One approach would be to remove the mask and eat whatever I wanted when ever I wanted. I or a sub could convince myself that I don't need to have good nutrition in order to feel good about myself, but in the end, this approach would not yield what I desire. A un-healthy body that I feel good about. This approach would yield a substandard result because what I want is to have the results and feelings that come from proper nutrition. (I'm not suggesting this is what AM11 does). Instead the approach I want is to remove the mask to allow others to see that I'm not eating as I should, then work towards the goal of total proper nutrition. This removes the guilt of deceit. Its the only approach that will yield the results that I truly desire. Once again the above is an example a metaphor for other things in my life. This approach coupled with my the desired values, and principles will yield what I want, happiness, fulfillment, and peace.
  
• I'm finding that happiness is found in improving the world around me and not just in consuming it for my own satisfaction. When I set about to just satisfy my own desires at the expense of others, I feel hollow and they feel used. Yes, I can continue to find other's whom I can use and others that will allow me to use them, but in time I will consume the resource and be left with nothing. Instead I choose to improve where I am. Thus the world will want to be around me because they are improved by the interaction. I refuse to use others or set the conditions upon which they will and can interact with me. I will improve the world around me. YOU will be a better person for interacting with me.
  
• Less and less caring what the world thinks of me and what I do. Its most important to think good of myself. Let the world think what they will.
  
• Almost no desire to read other threads on the forum. I still read a selected few, but I'm finding other threads to be on a completely different path which I see as leading to paths that I do not want. Sorry to say this but I have better things to do with my time. (I have a personal commitment to some threads and will continue to read and respond).
  
• More present and focused in what I do.
  
• Interesting. I was at a second hand book store and found a technical reference book, the kind of which is normally not available in that book store. The book is in a subject that I'm needing to learn. My thought was it would be great if more books like this would show up here. Funnier still was that later I looked at the same kind of book at a new book chain store. I was tempted to buy one of the books new but did not and instead thought wow wouldn't it be nice it these showed up at the second hand book store. I when back into the second hand book store there they were, three good as new reference books. The same I had looked at earlier that day in the new book store........hmmmmm
  
• Interesting. while studying a technical subject for work, I was studying from a very difficult detailed technical book, the reference bible of it's subject. I thought it would be great if this was available as a PDF, then i would not have to lug this 700 page hard back book around. Normally books of this kind remain in print and are not available for free as a PDF. I searched the web and easily found it's PDF.
  
• Funny looking at my stage 3 (teenage rebellion) posts, I now appreciate those around me who are also trying to make their mark in the world and in the pecking order of life. I will assist them by acknowledging them by finding something to complement them on. Hopefully I'm finished with the "rebel without a cause" phases.
  

Gents, its great to be a life, I have such a great potential to improve the world and those I come in contact with.

[Patti]

Stage 4 Week 2 - Week 10 Overcoming Procrastination 4G

If I were to describe the themes of the stages so far I would describe stage 1 - "Envision the future", Stage 2 - "Boot camp, break down, total meltdown", Stage 3 "teenage rebellion, it doesn't matter what it is, just rebel against it" or "bite the hand that feeds you until you get your owners attention and respect of how hard you can bite", Stage 4 - "Taming of the Shrew", or "Transformation, The Beginning"

• Hit a patch of resistance followed by a spike in euphoria.
  
• General increase in positive attitude. This confidence is similar to that reported in my earlier posts, but with more confidence in my future. Success is not a wish or hope, but more an inevitable event. I see as a real possibility the things I previously only wished for.
  
• More and more I'm increasing in productivity and motivation. I'm having stronger desires to get started and done. (The motivation is still way lower than I want, but I'm improving and I still hit patches of resistant.)
  
• Stronger desire to truly live the beliefs, values, and principles that bring integrity. I want to walk the walk of what I talk and belief. I want integrity in my life. I want to know that I'm true to myself. I want to know that I'm the master of my sole. There is no need for me to wear a mask of something that I'm not. I'm working to be the person personified by the mask. Why remove the mask and say hey this is who I am, and I'm now comfortable with that when I can become truly what the mask represents. I'll use consumption of food as an metaphor. If I wanted the world to think that I ate only nutritional food and I wore the mask well and the world believed that I only ate nutritional food, but while no one was looking I consumed whatever I wanted. One approach would be to remove the mask and eat whatever I wanted when ever I wanted. I or a sub could convince myself that I don't need to have good nutrition in order to feel good about myself, but in the end, this approach would not yield what I desire. A un-healthy body that I feel good about. This approach would yield a substandard result because what I want is to have the results and feelings that come from proper nutrition. (I'm not suggesting this is what AM11 does). Instead the approach I want is to remove the mask to allow others to see that I'm not eating as I should, then work towards the goal of total proper nutrition. This removes the guilt of deceit. Its the only approach that will yield the results that I truly desire. Once again the above is an example a metaphor for other things in my life. This approach coupled with my the desired values, and principles will yield what I want, happiness, fulfillment, and peace.
  
• I'm finding that happiness is found in improving the world around me and not just in consuming it for my own satisfaction. When I set about to just satisfy my own desires at the expense of others, I feel hollow and they feel used. Yes, I can continue to find other's whom I can use and others that will allow me to use them, but in time I will consume the resource and be left with nothing. Instead I choose to improve where I am. Thus the world will want to be around me because they are improved by the interaction. I refuse to use others or set the conditions upon which they will and can interact with me. I will improve the world around me. YOU will be a better person for interacting with me.
  
• Less and less caring what the world thinks of me and what I do. Its most important to think good of myself. Let the world think what they will.
  
• Almost no desire to read other threads on the forum. I still read a selected few, but I'm finding other threads to be on a completely different path which I see as leading to paths that I do not want. Sorry to say this but I have better things to do with my time. (I have a personal commitment to some threads and will continue to read and respond).
  
• More present and focused in what I do.
  
• Interesting. I was at a second hand book store and found a technical reference book, the kind of which is normally not available in that book store. The book is in a subject that I'm needing to learn. My thought was it would be great if more books like this would show up here. Funnier still was that later I looked at the same kind of book at a new book chain store. I was tempted to buy one of the books new but did not and instead thought wow wouldn't it be nice it these showed up at the second hand book store. I when back into the second hand book store there they were, three good as new reference books. The same I had looked at earlier that day in the new book store........hmmmmm
  
• Interesting. while studying a technical subject for work, I was studying from a very difficult detailed technical book, the reference bible of it's subject. I thought it would be great if this was available as a PDF, then i would not have to lug this 700 page hard back book around. Normally books of this kind remain in print and are not available for free as a PDF. I searched the web and easily found it's PDF.
  
• Funny looking at my stage 3 (teenage rebellion) posts, I now appreciate those around me who are also trying to make their mark in the world and in the pecking order of life. I will assist them by acknowledging them by finding something to complement them on. Hopefully I'm finished with the "rebel without a cause" phases.
  

Gents, its great to be a life, I have such a great potential to improve the world and those I come in contact with.

Are you saying you’re not reading my threads anymore?! Jeez, once a “goddess” , now a bookend!

Great post as usual!

[AwesomeYoungDude]

Stage 4 Week 3 - Week 11 Overcoming Procrastination 4G

• Not much to report.
  
• The teenage rebellion phase is over.
  
• A previous post bullet regarding improvements in my wages was just wind in the trees, but while the wind was blowing it sure looked good.
  
• I may be in the middle of a patch of resistance and just not know it. But for this last week I've not noticed much of a change. This appears to be the cycle, after a shot of euphoria is a stretch of resistance.
  

[Shannon]

The euphoria/resistance cycle is actually resistance/overcoming/reward cycle.

And you surely you are the master of your sole... but are you the master of your soul?

[AwesomeYoungDude]

I spent some time looking at the flicker of a flame. Before I could see anything, my mind was flooded with a myriad of memories. I saw the joy and contentment of people encircled around a relaxing fire enjoying the company of others. These memories are warm and inviting. Next I see the enjoyment of youth, including myself, exploring the ease at which a flame consumes that which it touches. It transfers to what ever is near it, be it a stick or marshmallow. In my memory I feel the heat of the fire which was the only source of warmth on my youthful winter camping adventures. I next see in my memory a flaming torch in a wide variety of scenes. From medieval, to Indiana Jones, to dark caves with cobwebs. Next in my mind I see the images of a candle light and how it accentuates the elegance and beauty of her naked body. I'm mesmerized by the way her shadow, her form, dances on my bedroom wall. The grace of which the soft light makes her face glow and how much softer her skin feels when illuminated by that candle. I reflect on the times in which the darkness is pierced by the bursting of a match's flame to the illumination of my surroundings to reveal that no monster is hiding in the darkness. I lastly see the smallest of a single candled used by miners of old and contrast that to modern lighting. What the miners thought was enlightening by their standards can at first seem as darkness to us until our eyes adjust to the new light. Candle light allows me to see depth and clarity around me, a depth and clarity that is hidden by the light of day.

This is what I begin to see when I look at a flame....that enlightenment is not in an answer..its in the journey towards it. An answer without understanding is confusion...confusion is not understanding.

LOL I truly am the master of my sole, salmon, steak, or anything else I want to order from the menu.

[AwesomeYoungDude]

Stage 4 Week 4 - Week 12 Overcoming Procrastination 4G

• Changes are subtle and appear to be refining my actions.
  
• My actions are more and more natural. Before I would act out alpha traits in an attempt to build a foundation. When compared to learning to dance, I was still having to think through each step. They were not natural but mechanical still somewhat clumsy. I'm feeling more and more that my actions are based on something solid. More and more my actions are flowing as a natural part of who I am. I'm trusting more and more that I'm an alpha.
  
• Bold in my communications. I'm maturing past the arrogance of indifference in which communication is shocking for self promotion. Boldness must have a point otherwise it’s just annoying and brash.
  
• Pulled to do only what I want to do. This is marked by a decrease in motivation. Alpha's do what they want to do and not what others want them to do. This is a very dangerous phase in that if not handled correctly it will lead me back to the state of procrastination. If I just sit back and let the sub do the work, I could end up back where I don't want to be. I now recognized that it’s not resistance I'm facing it’s the sub programming. Understanding this phase I will now use it to my advantage. (hopefully)
  
• This stage is requiring an increased amount of caffeine in order to maintain focus and motivation.
  
• Body posture and walk are refined and elegant in motion. They are not automatic in that I'm still aware that is occurring. With the dancing metaphor I'm starting to get the hang of it.
  
• Work outs have stopped. The reading of books has stopped. Annoyance with others is up, but controlled in the response. I'm more concerned about the downstream results of an aggressive jerk persona.
  
• I’m expecting less and less that this thread will be read due to the changes I’m seeing in myself. It’s a bother to read other threads because they are focused on different results. I’m expecting, that for the same reason I don’t read their threads, most likely they will not be reading mine, and I’m ok with that it appears to be part of AM11 to focus only on what I find important to me.
  
• All in all stage 4 has left me in a sour mood. I have a decrease in motivation and a general attitude I don't care about what's happening. The sourness comes from the concern that I'll be struggling with a decrease in motivation through-out the remainder of AM11. (Patti, About, those in the user area, and Shannon, I’m still reading your posts).
  

In stage 5 I will cut back on the amount of time I listen to Overcoming Procrastination in order to see how much is permanent. If life is like this post-alpha, I'm improved, but not to the level I expected.

[Shannon]

I read your posts, and I don't see why you'd think fewer people would read them based on the changes...

[AwesomeYoungDude]

Shannon, thanks its good to know you read my posts. I'm finding less interest in others posts. The forum is not as high a priority as it was when I started. I read the forum and other's post in order to learn what was coming. Now, I don't care how AM11 effects others (with goals that are different from mine). I'm attributing this to AM11. I expect that others will go through this same phase and thus reduce the threads that they read.

BTW, did you see my inquiry regarding 4G conversion on your thread?