03-13-2016, 10:41 AM
Today is really odd. I'm not sure if this is resistance or not. I get this feeling that whatever decision I make with switching the subs today could either make or break me. Like whatever decision I make today could dictate my life direction. Now I have had days where I wanted to change subs but never anything like this. I woke up Friday first thing in morning with a loud internal voice screaming that I need to switch. Of course I shrugged it off. My journal is full of hints but I'm not that far from finishing.
I guess it makes sense to change because everything I have typed in this journal has to do with fear and emotional stuff. At the same time just two and half more weeks of MLS and I'll hit the 3 month mark. For some odd reason I feel like an absolute failure if I keep on going with MLS. The things I wanted to learn I'm not learning. My goals have completely changed, and I'm still falling behind on what needs to get done.
With all that said it terrifies me to switch to EHPRA. I thought it was because of money but really it's fear of change. I don't know what going to happen once I start or what kind of person I'll become. The fear will be there even when I finish MLS at the 3 month mark.
I don't know but I need to make a decision before I go to bed.
I guess it makes sense to change because everything I have typed in this journal has to do with fear and emotional stuff. At the same time just two and half more weeks of MLS and I'll hit the 3 month mark. For some odd reason I feel like an absolute failure if I keep on going with MLS. The things I wanted to learn I'm not learning. My goals have completely changed, and I'm still falling behind on what needs to get done.
With all that said it terrifies me to switch to EHPRA. I thought it was because of money but really it's fear of change. I don't know what going to happen once I start or what kind of person I'll become. The fear will be there even when I finish MLS at the 3 month mark.
I don't know but I need to make a decision before I go to bed.
