Ampers&d: The Year of the Alpha (Male 6.0)

[Ampersnd]

Stage 1, Day 31,

Got up feeling tired, slept in a bit, did a portion of pMemory.
To make sure that I wouldn't be late again, I took the shuttle an hour before my shift starts; I got it 30 minutes in advance. This will be the way I go to work; it gives a good impression, and allows me to get more work done.

Work was varied; there was more a tad more intensity (which I like), and showed me that there's still more to learn. I'm going to soon be applying pMemory towards learning a niche in my field. Speaking of which, my ability to connect has gotten better, plus, I'm able to think of any number between 00 and 99 and I'll think of its appropriate image. I finished the day's lesson during lunch hour.

I still wish I could get home faster, but it's not bad. I ate a small supper, hit the gym hard, then went home. All my hot water was out, so I couldn't shower. It ruined my groove, as it took me 30 minutes to get to singing, and then it was working by the end of that.

Guitar and songwriting were neglected today, again. I will make sure to optimize my day and fit them in.

My ears have gone on strike regarding me wearing over-ear headphones; they seem to reject these attempts with a dull pain whenever I touch the top of any ear. Thank goodness I own some in-ears that will give them a break.

Stage 1 is nearing completion; tomorrow I can switch to the next one. However, a botched download the first time means that I don't have access to Stage 2, except for the ocean version (haven't even checked to see if that works). Worst comes to worst, I'll test out the ocean version (NOTE: It's corrupted). Working with IML to see if I can have access to a new download link for the particular stages that are corrupted.

[Shannon]

Ben should have you all fixed up on that in a jiffy.

[Ampersnd]

Stage 1, Day 32,

As Shannon said, they came through in a jiffy.
I got hold of Stage 2 by an unconventional way, sent by Ben, the tech guy for IML. Deleted the corrupted version.

I was looking back on 'who I was' going into the new year, but 'who I was' entering 2014, and I've got to say that I've changed at such a deep level that it's almost freaky. Who was this person that didn't know what curry powder was, who didn't really know how to please a woman, who didn't have strong boundaries, afraid to sing in public. Just 8 months ago, I took a job that I wound up hating, I was stuck and felt powerless (even with a run of AM5). The job was eventually gone and I went toward a job that I thought was awesome (while also doing my main job), then I had some great experiences with women.

There are still things where I need to figure out and 'get down': a consistent flow of money, women, security, independence. But I'm okay with myself and who I am now. Stage 2 will probably kick my ass to improve each area.

Stage 1 brought me these main things:
- I care much, much less than before;
- I don't think I could ever get caught up on a woman unless she's really special and we've connected well;
- I've deepened my connection with my current lover, and brought her into my ecosystem a little bit;
- I'm pretty motivated to do as much as I can with my day, though lower energy levels (especially near the end of this stage) sometimes leave me with something to be desired.
- When I'm "on", I'm ON; I just throw off this aura of power and masculinity. I wind up looking handsome-er in the process;
- A lot of the time, I'm not ON, and I feel emotional instability, to the point where I feel like crying and I can't stare people in the eye;
- I'm much more prospective about my future, I think it's because I've accepted where I am in the present.
- One of my motto is 'Know your role and shut up'; it has to do with the fact that I'm in school in order to complete and graduate. It's not the time to focus on women or wealth-building just yet. I know that my role right now is to become a work professional, and I will focus on that until I graduate (plus 2 other priorities);
- Oh my gosh, I'm consistent with my main priorities, semi-consistent with my secondary priorities; Gym and pMemory are on point, literally 100%. Singing, songwriting and guitar are roughly 50%.

That's most of it. Stage 2 begins now

[Ampersnd]

Stage 2, Day 1,

Relatively good day. Went to the gym, approached a pretty cute girl, got her number. Probably won't follow up (not that attracted), but good conversation.

Listened to Tim Ferriss interviewing Arnold Schwarzenegger on a podcast; was really awesome.

Still hit the gym and did singing and guitar. My stomach has gotten soft (a few weeks ago it was approaching 'hard-as-steel' status).

Nothing major to report today.

[Ampersnd]

Stage 2, Day 2,

The week has taken a toll of me; my fresh face from last week is now a scowl (heh). I took a picture of myself at work to send to my mom, and I look like a mess heh. I know that it won't last forever, so it's fine. It's affecting my singing voice, though.

The work day was basically me and my coworker; the first two days of the week, the clinic was packed with workers. The last three days, it's been quiet. So the last half of the day, I felt like I was going crazy (mental frustration). We were left independent of our preceptor (who has the day off).

I'm sticking with gym and pMemory, except today's lesson because I slept in during the morning, and did all my other things in the evening. So I'll do this lesson tomorrow morning (day off), and I'm done for the week.

My water pipe is busted, so I had to shower at the gym. Didn't care about being naked; weird to say on paper, but I used to care. Now, it's like wearing clothes, except you're not.

I'm starting to face the reality that I'm (still) not to the level I want with women. I want women to engage with me, and that they enjoy it and seek it out. I've got some skill, and I'm keeping myself busy enough to not warrant going out to night clubs (which I don't really like to begin with). I have approached a couple of women this week, and I have gotten this cute girl's number yesterday. I'm considering giving online dating a real try.

Plus, my sex drive has been low. I haven't jerked off in 6 days since my last romp, and I haven't even noticed. During SM3, I would've gone crazy.

The point I'm making is that my ability to date women is similar to my busted water pipe; I could choose to take a cold shower, but it'd be because I don't have a choice on the matter. I want to get to the level to which I take cold showers because I have the choice between hot or cold.

[Ampersnd]

Heh, coincidently I dreamt that I had sex with two different women. Both very attractive.

[Ampersnd]

Stage 2, Day 3,

I woke up naturally (amazing). Did pMemory, but it took me some focusing. I went to get sushi, and memorized a 24 digit set at the max. Near the end of my sushi enjoying, I was getting distracted. So I'll push for 30-36 digits tomorrow.

I bought groceries with a bunch of junk food (today is cheat day). I'm feeling sated so I'm not tempted to get any more until next week.

I tested my new condom that I got in the mail (Crown), and I can tell that having sex with this on will be similar to condomless sex (which I wouldn't know about); there was an exchange of warmth between hand and member through the latex.

After doing singing warmups, I spent a great deal of time playing on my new loop pedal. It's awesome, very intuitive and will be a useful tool when I play in bars. That and a voice harmonizer will be amazing.

I went to a new friend's party; I hit it off really well with everyone there. I'm applying what I learned for 'How to Win Friends and Influence People'. Simply, whenever the conversation dries up, ask the person more about them. They love to talk about themselves, and to feel important for being them.

Gotta sleep fewer, but more condensed hours.

[robstar]

Stage 2, Day 3,

I woke up naturally (amazing). Did pMemory, but it took me some focusing. I went to get sushi, and memorized a 24 digit set at the max. Near the end of my sushi enjoying, I was getting distracted. So I'll push for 30-36 digits tomorrow.

I bought groceries with a bunch of junk food (today is cheat day). I'm feeling sated so I'm not tempted to get any more until next week.

I tested my new condom that I got in the mail (Crown), and I can tell that having sex with this on will be similar to condomless sex (which I wouldn't know about); there was an exchange of warmth between hand and member through the latex.

After doing singing warmups, I spent a great deal of time playing on my new loop pedal. It's awesome, very intuitive and will be a useful tool when I play in bars. That and a voice harmonizer will be amazing.

I went to a new friend's party; I hit it off really well with everyone there. I'm applying what I learned for 'How to Win Friends and Influence People'. Simply, whenever the conversation dries up, ask the person more about them. They love to talk about themselves, and to feel important for being them.

Gotta sleep fewer, but more condensed hours.

I hope you don't use the word 'member' when you dirty talk.

[Ampersnd]

I hope you don't use the word 'member' when you dirty talk.

For online forums with near strangers, I do.
In real life, though, I call it my 'wilkins'.
But for you, I'll refer to it as my 'love salami'

[Ampersnd]

Stage 2, Day 4,

Work went well; I feel strange though. Partially because I ruined a perfectly good (and new) dress shirt with a pen in the wash cycle. It ruined my undershirt too, but that's not a huge deal. Lots of laughter at work too.

Went home, and recording three mini-song covers with my Iphone; they came out better than most of my recordings with my 200$ microphone. Ridiculous. I'm going to send them to my host family (taking me in around April), so that they'll hook me up with the bar owner for gigs.

Re-watched Taken; Liam Neeson is a badass. A bit overprotective of his daughter, but hey, that's what saved her.

[Benjamin]

For online forums with near strangers, I do.
In real life, though, I call it my 'wilkins'.
But for you, I'll refer to it as my 'love salami'

Hahaha..

A guy I used to be friends with told me that apparently his dad (who is fucking mental) tattooed his 'love salami' blue..

I laughed so much just imagining him bringing girls home by saying "I want to take you home and introduce you to old bluey".

[Ampersnd]

Stage 2, Day 5,

This stage is flying by. So is my internship. My first one is already 1/4 done. It's fun, however it eats up a lot of time, and I have to squeeze in the things I want to do every day. Bare minimum, gym and pMemory get priority, then BrainEv and singing secondhand.

I'm being faced up against my results with women; very petty for a 22 year old man (fast approaching 23). I'm not interested in hearing the lame mainstream dating advice, which I followed when I was younger. I have a few options when it comes to the topic of female companionship:

i) Ride the wave out through this subliminal, learn to live without needing women until I'm in a better position to go out/meet more women;
ii) Follow a BlackDragon online dating system to meet women on dating sites to cater to my busier lifestyle.
iii) Accept that I probably have to start going out more, despite the fact that I'm working on other projects. Someone I trust in the dating industry just endorsed this guy named Boris with his product: 'Short Guy Game'. He's 5'2", and he dates tons of beautiful women. I'll look into that for sure.

Right in this moment, I feel that I'm not able to attract women, period. I know that this is just some resistance, but it's a sentiment I've held for a while. Getting shot down repeatedly in the past years has built up a sort of learned complacency.

[Ampersnd]

Stage 2, Day 6,

I'm doing well in my placement; I think it's a subtle feeling of belonging and acceptance of self. Things aren't stressing me like they were half a week ago, so going to my internship is now 'just a thing I do'. I've been able to keep my energy levels up through the entire day; going to experiment with removing that 2pm slump of energy.

My days are dragging out a bit more, that is to say it sometimes takes me longer to finish my day's tasks. Sometimes because of a longer commute, sometimes because of a distracting video. I'll have my morning routine worked out soon enough.

I hit the gym and gave it 100%; I'm stronger than last week, I weigh the most I've ever weighed (201.5 lbs), and I'm looking a bit smaller than before. This has me thinking that I'm developing denser muscles. It all looks good, so I'm not complaining.

Shaved my facial hair into a goatee; don't know why, but I just felt doing it like that. The girl I'm seeing loves my facial hair, and we're meeting up in a few days.

I'm gonna eventually buy 'Short-Guy Game', since even today, I felt the effects that not having this area down has had. Quite honestly, the Masculine Intent book is very good for what it is.. theory. Very little had any practical application, and just left it for me to figure out. Well, I didn't figure it out. This other program seems to be very simplistic action steps steeped in an appreciation of women.

[Ampersnd]

Stage 2, Day 6,

I'm surprised at how open minded I've gotten; when my preceptor for my internship is critiquing my stuff, I just take it, as I know she's coming from 3 dozen years of experience. I'm fresh out of college. Might as well push my ego out of the way.

Things are going smoothly, though my motivation is low regarding song writing. Haven't done it in the last week. This is a problem. This might be part of the Stage 2 'low motivation' stuff.

I had a profound realization today, which is that 'You don't HAVE to do ANYTHING!'
You don't HAVE to go to college, at least for the reasons you think you do.
You don't NEED a diploma.
You don't HAVE to get married
There's NOTHING that's forcing you to have kids
You don't NEED to follow any specific philosophy, even if you family or country espouse it.
You're NOT obligated to feel patriotism towards your country.

You could even go so far as to say:
You don't HAVE to pay your bills. Of course, there are consequences of failing to do that.
But then again,
You don't HAVE to stay alive. I do mean that; we come pre-packaged with a motivation to stay alive, but if you die, will you care? You'll be too dead to care.

Or even.. 'I don't HAVE to treat people equally'. I've by and large chosen to (based on merit), but there's no real moral obligation (operative word: real) that you HAVE to follow. You don't HAVE to do it just because others will strong-arm you into a particular way of thinking.

If seemed like a simple idea, until it ate at my brain for an hour or so. It goes really deep if you stick to the structure: "Do I HAVE to do this?" Or is it all an illusion; my mind attached to something.

Of course, I'm in school, and I'm choosing to stick to it until the end, but if it ended suddenly, it wouldn't take a chunk out of my identity. I'd soon get over that and move on.

This question is good for finding areas of your life in which you're attached to an outcome, because if the reality as that you don't really have to do anything (if you're willing to accept the natural consequences), and your mind is convinced that you need something, then it's obvious that you're attached.