Alpha to Omega: Ronatello's Alpha Journey

[Masterchief]

What is the anger and bitterness/moodiness to do with, that you are letting go off?

Caged Animal Syndrome? How comes I haven't had that yet. I am still not minding my hermit phase which is worrying. I am trying to find excuses where I 'll go out and socialise, even though I like staying in. I have just started stage 3.

It sounds as if the salsa girl was really into you. I got a taste of the big guns, the second day starting Stage 3.

[ronatello]

The anger and bitterness? It's stuff that happened to me in the past that the subliminal is possibly bringing it up. I know its important that it is coming up so I can deal with it and it will be gone.
And the caged animal syndrome? It's the opposite of hermit-itus and its the want to just go out... anything to get outside and do something... anything. Well, that's one form of it anyway. It's also a desire to be free from my past and anything else that is holding me back.
It's been a crazy weekend for me and things are finally starting to wind down some (I needed a break anyways, lol).

[ronatello]

So much for the winding down, lol! Sunday I ran into a waitress that I haven't seen since early May and we had a lot of catching up to do. Her coworker came around and she [coworker] said something about my facebook status and then my waitress goes crazy, badgering me to friend her. I think she's crushing on me or something. I wrote down my facebook url with my nickname and I get a friend request when I get in . She dabbles with facebook a little. She's not a facebook addict and doesn't post attention wh0r3 gibberish every 15 minutes so that's a plus in my book.
I do really like her a lot but with that being said, I'm still going to do what I want (salsa dance and meet new people and so on. I'm not dropping what I'm doing just to be with her.)
Aside from her, it's been a pretty crazy week. I feel more connected to my emotions and I feel more welcoming to what I'm feeling instead of brushing it off.
This was my last full week of stage 3. I start stage 4 tomorrow night.
When it comes to interactions with others, I feel much more at ease now than I did when I first started AM (which is telling me it's working). I still get negative thinking coming up every so often but it tends to be shorter lived and I'm consciously more aware of it and able to call it on it's BS.

[Spiral]

wow you're almost done with stage 3! dude I'm excited for that stage lol. 2 more weeks.

[ronatello]

Stage 3 is when things really start ramping up. I'm looking forward for the 2nd half of AM.

[ronatello]

With me only being 3 days into stage 4, it's hard to pinpoint what's going on, and as far as I know, my brain is still playing catch-up from the earlier stages. The dreams I had last night were a doozie that's for sure!
Anyway, it's rather amusing to me what the alpha male sub is doing at times... making me much more outspoken when I feel like being outspoken (have to be in the mood... can't force it!). I was at my grandmother's sisters house for a thanksgiving visit and it was me, my mom, my grandmother, her sister, and my mom's aunt and her husband and her son. We were talking and stuff and I forgot most of what was being said but something was said by my mother and I called shenanigans which took her aback. Then I was saying some sarky stuff.
On a phone convo to me from my mom a couple days ago, my mom told me that her aunt never saw that side of me come out (lol).
I thought that was amusing to say the least because I'm becoming more like that, revealing my true personality instead of covering it up. Things should pick up quite a bit now that I'm in the 2nd half of the Alpha Journey.
I just got to hold on to my current job until early next year (we get a performance incentive check around the end of Jan) and then I'm going to start job hunting which will allow me to go gallivanting around in the evenings (I currently work 2nd shift).
I'm definitely grateful that I have a job but at the same time, I feel like I deserve better (work and pay, of course!) so hence, the job hunt begins next year.
It's time I moved on because a few of the people I work with rub me the wrong way so it's time for some change. I work with a supervisor and director that are "always right" no matter what (I'm sure you guys can relate to that!) despite the many mistakes they make.

[Ryan]

Might I suggest, cook at Hooters

[ronatello]

LOL Ryan! It would be too much of a commute from where I live (40 miles one way) and with gas going up, that will nip that suggestion in the bud.
With stage 4 getting started, I've become rather moody again so the "high" that I was on at the outset of stage 3 has come to a temporary end. But the last 2 or 3 nights dreams have had women in them so that's a plus . It seems every time I start a new stage, I have a couple nights of crappy sleep. I'm sure things will stabilize soon though.
Despite my moodiness, I don't really like staying in (which is a good thing) so at least in the mornings before work, I hit the gym and run the elliptical machine for 30 odd minutes plus weights / resistance training 3-4 times a week.
I'm having bouts of one-eye-tis coming back but while that's happening, I'm still keeping my eyes open and interacting with other women so it's not a case of exclusive one-eye-tis . Actually, I think having a bit of one-eye-tis is actually okay. It's NOT okay when you totally drop what you're doing and making your life revolve around "that one".
Roy seemed to have some trouble starting stage 4 as well and IMHO, stage 4 seems to be pretty hardcore, possibly even more so than stage 3.
But.. I will keep going. That's a given!

[Ryan]

I forgot to tell you, I went to a Hooter's on my way back from Florida. Got some attention from some of the girls. Our waitress was very sweet, she didn't talk a lot to me but kept looking at me smiling. This was in southern Georgia, she was gorgeous but had this crazy accent. It reminded me of this the whole time, I could not help but crack a smile and laugh when she talked:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rVFJzN20jhQ

[Spiral]

Where did you go in southern GA?

[Ryan]

Stopped in Valdosta.

[Spiral]

Word was that for thanksgiving? Next time you come down we'll have to meet up.

[Ryan]

Yeah was in Florida for the week. You're not that far from me, a trip to Savannah would definitely be nice. We'll have to get everyone else to come out too, and go to Hooters, perhaps ;P

[ronatello]

Now that would be interesting! And thank you guys for hijacking my thread! lol
Recap time for this week..
What I wrote Friday pretty much summed it up:
My mood swings returned and had a couple nights of crappy sleep. I feel better this morning, however. Some of my coworkers and others in other departments were in the mood to flirt with me yesterday and that was definitely good since I was feeling a bit down when I got to work. It's apparent that stage 4 has stirred something up. Doubting thoughts have come up but I just tell myself to keep going.
And I have a question to ask all of you.
When you come upon a woman that you really like, what do you say to her in order to become your girlfriend? I know it's not necessarily what you say that gets the girl and more like what you do but sometimes, verbal communication is the icing on the cake so to speak.
I mean I can flirt, tease, and play the eye game until the cows come home but there is something that I'm leaving out.