Alpha to Omega: Ronatello's Alpha Journey

[Spiral]

This is good to hear Ron!

I feel the same way about affirmations dude. I do occasionally say that I am the alpha male or I am awesome and I love everything in my head. This helps me feel good all the time.. If I'm not feeling great then I'm just neutral and good. I find it very easy now to let go of alot of things especially conversations.. and no conversation is awkward now because I don't let it be. "I'm doing just fine." It's so simple yet SO powerful.

[ronatello]

I'm getting more women showing interest and some obvious flirting. What I'm about to say is borderline TMI but I'm going to spill the beans anyway. No worries...it's PG-13 lol
At Hoots Monday, I sat in "tongue tongue's" section again (she's always sticking her tongue at me so she gets the nickname). Other waitresses occasionally come around and I hug a few. Nothing out of the ordinary, really. Then another waitress comes over and I show her something (a photography advert called 'bad kitty photography')out of San Diego Reader. She leans over to look at it and while she does, she presses her boob right on my right hand which caught me completely off guard... not expecting that AT ALL, lol! Her section was the opposite where I was sitting (NE corner and I was in the SW corner). Then tongue tongue touches my leg (twice) and then I ask her does she like my legs? . She told me she had an upset stomach but apparently that didn't keep her from flirting with me. Then she's displaying her leg for me to see. She comments on how muscled up my legs are, lol
Later on, a couple more waitresses come over and I call one a wuss.
I'm always bantering with the waitresses there and I know they love it. Because if they didn't, they wouldn't come around and visit me.
While I don't repeat affirmations like I used to, I still run them through my head from time to time... with the "I am a sexually desirable man" being one in particular... brought on what happened earlier on this week. My mood is flip flopping still and still some negative thoughts but when I do think negative, it's like "why I'm thinking this when it's obvious that I'm progressing?"
Stage 2 thus far is working in very subtle ways and I've heard others say similar things in their journals.

[ronatello]

Week 4 recap of stage 2: Despite the mood swings, I have had a pretty good week. I still have a desire to be on my own and do my own thing for the time being. I do feel that socializing is getting easier all the time. I'm still rather quiet but I look at that as more of a positive right now. More letting go of any outcome is also taking place. I used to be very outcome oriented like, if I waved at someone, and they ignore me, I got my feelings hurt. I'm glad to say that crap like that doesn't bother me much at all anymore and each day, I grow stronger whether I notice it or not.
This is the final full week of stage 2 for me. I start stage 3 next Wednesday.

[K-Train]

Ron, have you been encountering any tendencies or urges to "rebel" while doing the Alpha Set? It's something that I've noticed while doing stage 2, a desire to distance myself from the "pack" so to speak.

[ronatello]

@ K train: not a very strong urge to rebel but it's more of an annoyance when someone tells me to do something. Also I feel emotionally distant at times (not all the time thankfully!).
There is also an urge for me to sell as much of my stuff as I possibly can and move back to SoCal. Whether that counts as being rebellious, I don't know but the thought comes up from time to time.
Honestly, I have felt out of place here in AR as soon as my family moved here back in 1980. I just don't feel like this is "home" to me so therefore the urge for me to move back where I came from.
Who knows, maybe I will come to embrace living here but I honesty don't see how. LOL!

[ronatello]

Time for stage 2 recap:
Some thing I have noted: slightly more able to speak my mind. During the start of stage 2, I've been more apt to keep to myself but I can socialize if I wanted to. My mood swings continued with some good spikes of positive-ness (and I'm betting that's is a sign of things to come in the later stages). A slight increase of self confidence. Drama annoys the crap outta me (but I later dismiss it as trivial BS and think about something else )
At times, it feels like me vs.the world (and I have seen other members post something similar in their journals).
More letting go of various things continues.
A part of me is wanting to rebel somewhat. And a part of me is wanting to be mean for some reason. I'm catching myself being more relaxed and less tense in most situations.
Stage 2 for me has been quite subtle... not very obvious. Bring on stage 3!

[ronatello]

I'm just 2 days into Stage 3 and I'm already noticing a few things come up. One is aggressiveness again. I'm more or less in a better mood but that may be the fact I had fun at the salsa dance Tuesday night.
I danced with one girl Tuesday night and it was apparent that she was lacking in confidence. So I asked her if she danced salsa before. She said no and she says she has 2 left feet (If I had a Dollar every time I heard that one... ) and I said, one foot will always be right. Just have some confidence. The lessons start and she goes over to the beginner's group and me over to the intermediate group. After the lesson, I ask her to dance and she's still struggling but that's okay. So after the dance she asks me "how did I do?" and immediately she gives herself 2 thumbs down. Whatever. What a crappy belief system! I told her she did good despite it's her first time. Then I taught her some basic bachata when they played some bachata music.
It was the Halloween costume night so I was watching how some of them were dressed. One very tall girl was dressed up as a pirate or something. She stood about 6'3" and I was bantering a bit with her costume. I asked if she got her costume at Wal-Mart (that's an obvious shot right there!). She got it at some Halloween costume place and pulls out one of those plastic toy swords and waves it at me
Aside from the salsa night, I've been going to the gym more lately which seems to be putting me in a better mood.
Its still too early for me to tell what stage 3 is doing, aside from me feeling more assertive and aggresive. I'll give it some time and see what happens.

[Spiral]

I like the assertive and aggressiveness. I guess stage 3 touches on your ability to follow through in order to do what is right for you. I may be wrong.

[Masterchief]

Strange that you are still getting feelings of aggressiveness. Could that not be the gym work? What kind of workouts are you doing?

[ronatello]

The aggression is rather mild but it's there nonetheless. My gym workout is rather light compared to maybe a few on this board. It consists of mainly 20+ minutes on the elliptical machine, some dumbbell work and some leg curls and presses. Not anything major yet! .
Let's see what stage 3 also brings to the plate...

[ronatello]

Time for weekly recap. Well, this has been an interesting week, that's for sure! Aside from starting stage 3 Wednesday, I took most of this week off due to the fact I was wanting to salsa dance and I knew there were 2 events going on this week and I had fun at both. And also, I was needing a break from working anyway.
I'm still recovering from last night's salsa dance event. I was out and got in around 2:30 in the morning, and then I couldn't sleep very well since I was rather pumped up. This one girl kept wanting to dance with me. She's wanting to be my dance partner so once again, I will have to badger my supervisor so I can get my nights off switched so I can go to salsa night at least twice a month. The girl gave me her number since I got a pic took of me and her (she wanted that pic emailed to her, I got her number as an added bonus). It's obvious that she's wanting to hook up with me. We're now friends on facebook (not to worry, I'm not going to get facebookitus again, LOL)
Another girl kept raving about the cologne I was wearing (Givenchy Play intense). Well, I also use the Dial Magnetic body wash (it's cheap, does the job and it also contains a phero!). After I showered earlier that day, I slathered on some Shea Butter stuff since my skin gets dry and itchy when it's dry outside... so I wore a combination of the Givenchy, Dial magnetic, and the shea butter.
So how did I attract her? Probably the eye game . She begged me to go to a latin club after leaving the restaurant that had the salsa event at 1:15 in the morning. I was way too tired to so I made it home... an hour drive and I kept wanting to drive fast. lol
She texted later today and told me that she got in at 3:30 and I called her a night owl in a return text.
I've been very tired today but nonetheless, I've been in a good mood. I'm really needing some rest though.
One lady that worked at the restaurant was aware of one of my "bad habits" and that is chewing gum like a cow chews hay... it's probably a nervous habit and I'm sure it will pass. Of course, I need to be aware of the chewing and correct it when it happens. She said I'm too pretty in order to be chewing gum like that. lol

[ronatello]

Another weekly recap. This marks the first full week of stage 3 for me. One thing that I'm noticing that is rather jumping out at me is the letting go of what others think of me... an example of that is exercising in the apartment complex gym. Normally at night, if people are exercising, they close the blinds so nobody can see them. I'm like, "I really don't care if I'm seen or not" crap like that doesn't bother me like it used to. I had fun at the salsa dance last night as well. My "partner" didn't show up, opting to go watch Hamlet instead. Whatever. Good looking female salseros are a dime a dozen (and it felt like I danced with a dozen last night, LOL!) so no worries. I truly have come a long way in a short time, thanks to Cory's product and Shannon's subliminals. 2 years ago, doing what I'm doing now was completely out of my reality.
This week, I've had some anger and irritability come up (people's BS) along with a few bad moods scattered here and there.
And another side effect of the increased self confidence is also increased sexual confidence (dancing VERY close to women being one example). There is an urge to express my sexuality more so now than in the past. With that being said, sexual confidence has high self confidence and strong positive self image as prerequisites, IMHO. A part of me is wanting to show off... now that I"m going to the gym and all... And this wanting to show off has nothing to do with validating myself or to gain anyone's approval. It's more wanting to do it just because I really want to.
I'm having to contend with a frustrated late teen female coworker at work. She talked to me for what seemed like an eternity yesterday evening (Friday) about this and that (not going into details here...). She's married and not very happy (why people get married so soon in life just boggles my mind... really now!)

[Cortez]

I've found that almost everyone I've ever met who is married is unhappy. Their marriage goes one of three ways usually...

1- They end up getting a divorce

2-The ones that aren't decisive enough to do so, become addicted to their story about how miserable they are and they wine to others about their partner constantly.

3-They give up the need for passion and become comfortable being bored for the rest of their lives, wearing a jaded and dead look on their faces most of the time.

People that are actually happy being married are as rare as unicorns. I hardly ever meet them. Sometimes when I think I meet someone who I think IS happy, they usually reveal later on to me that they are, in fact, quite miserable.

I'm not saying it's the idea of marriage that is wrong, but people seem to get together with the wrong people for the wrong reasons.

[Spiral]

My parents are a rare case I guess. and my aunt and uncle as well. They act like they've been high school sweet hearts since I can last remember. It's something to be inspired about.