Alpha to Omega: Ronatello's Alpha Journey

[Spiral]

I agree w you blueness. my whole family is this way. i have a few friends whose parents r the opposite. but the majority of them r very happy.

[ronatello]

I agree with Blueness. One reason why I seem to have a negative attitude on marriage is probably due to the fact that my parents marriage hasn't been that great. It's much better now than in the past but it was very rocky when I was young. So therefore, I attached a negative belief to it [marriage] and it's that belief more than likely is preventing me from having a very intimate relationship with any woman that comes my way that has expressed interest in me.
This goes to show how strong an influence your peers, society, parents, and whatnot can have on the subconscious.
Due to the Alpha Male sub (and the MM program), my beliefs are still in a state of flux... gradually shifting to the positive side (thank goodness!), whereas 2 1/2 years ago, they were pretty negative.

[Spiral]

I'm glad you've made such a great jump from 2 and a half years ago Ronatello. It seems like we were in the same boat that same time. Up to this point I haven't had much success but I'm keeping the faith and I'm as positive as ever now. Just the beliefs must internalize and from there I can really begin to take action. I guess they are in a state of flux as you say.

[ronatello]

Another weekly recap. A couple of nights ago, I had a dream where I was about to seriously go off on someone since they were testing me a little too much. All in all it's been a good week with less in the way of moodiness. My self confidence is taking little nudges up and I'm caring less and less on what others think about me. I'm also less reactive to what others say to me.
Despite me being in stage 3, I still feel "detached" but I consider that to be a good thing and not bad.
The bizarre dreams continue.
Another thing that I'm doing is on warm days, I wear my running shorts up to the apartment complex gym. Most people would say "so what?" but these shorts are very short (they're still men's shorts btw!) almost as short as the Hooters girls wear (lol). Most guys with bad self confidence or poor self image wouldn't wear those out in public. While I felt a bit uneasy wearing that, that passed once I started my workout.
I did some heavy duty bantering and flirting with a waitress Wednesday, calling her "scratchy". I usually give people nicknames if I like them.

[Benjamin]

hahaha "scratchy" I love it. Did she have long nails to scratch your back with?

I tend to do that too. I quite enjoy it. Like a girl who was talking about wearing an 'anime' costume started calling her 'anime girl' and sometimes if a kind of drunk girl talks to me I may call her "little miss drunky".

Sounds like your having some good results. Keep with the alphaness!

I just read something about marriage and you may be against it if your parents had a bad marriage, I do tend to agree but at the same time my parents have a good marriage and are still together and never seem to fight, I don't think I ever remember a time they did. And for some reason I am really against marriage. I think maybe getting into pua material early may have effected this a bit.

-Ben

[ronatello]

@ Benjamin: yes she does have long nails and I also scratch her back in return.
About marriage: It's the environment that I'm in currently that has me a bit on the negative side. I do believe that marriage works (and yes, it does take work on both! ). At work, I have a supervisor that has been married 3 times and he vowed never to do that again (personally, I don't think he has too much to worry about he's the type that's always right). So he goes off on a tirade every once in a while which makes for a good eye-rolling session from me. And that's all I'm going to say about that.

[Benjamin]

Well whatever somebodies beliefs are gets confirmed I guess.

I just noticed something quite interesting.

Strangely, without even knowing we have similar thread names.

"Ronatello's alpha journey" "Ben - Journey To Alpha" and we both used the 'movie reel' avatar on our threads. I didn't notice until they were both next to each other like they are now.

[Masterchief]

I had a similar dream over the weekend. I not really into analysing what kind of dreams I have whilst on the subs, but I had one similar to yours. I was telling my dad to shut up, because he kept repeating the same old stuff again and again. When he wouldn't stop, so I threatened to beat him up in front of his mum (my grandma). Quite a harsh dream.

Those shorts sound really funny. Next time you want to see if stage 3 is making you more confident wear one of those mankinis along with your shorts. They truly are horrid looking things. I don't know the laws in the US, but watch out you don't get arrested...by the fashion police

[ronatello]

I'll stick to the running shorts, lol!
Geez I'm having the bizarre dreams right and left. I know that I'm partially bringing this on myself by keep talking about it (reconfirming that I"m having weird dreams) so therefore I'm having the bizarre dreams but that's okay. It's telling me that my subconscious is being affected by the subliminals.
@ Benjamin: kinda coincidental that we're both using the movie film avatar. It does feel like being in a movie where the lead character goes from zero to hero, or something to that effect. However, nobody is ever a zero, it's all in the head anyways.

[ronatello]

Weekly recap time!
This week has been good despite some moodiness (anger and bitterness coming up at times) but more letting go continues... and that's a good thing.
One thing that Alpha Male does is push me out of my comfort zone more... and it's a good thing since the subconscious is causing me to get out more. IMHO, the subconscious has far more effect on the ego than the conscious. As of now, the subconscious and the ego are duking it out bigtime.
I wrote about the "caged animal syndrome" in others journals and I'm definitely having that happen to me. Even though I can be in a bad mood, I still want to get out... just to get out and do anything instead of staying in (which sucks). It's like Andrew said in another members Alpha Journal... just go out and put the Alpha Male program to work.
Another thing that Alpha Male is addressing is my wishy-washiness which I am grateful for.
Next week is my last full week of stage 3 and I start stage 4 on the 28th.
I'm having dreams w/ women in them as of late.. I've been going through a dry spell of "women dreams" lately, instead having the regular bizarre dreams.
Neediness is getting smashed bigtime... much more so now than before. Right now, I'm not wanting to be tied to any particular person.
Shannon wasn't kidding when he said the "big guns" come out in stage 3. I'm more independent now vs. the past. I also feel far more at ease around others than I used to be. I'm still quiet and I'm introverted but that's okay. There is a definite positive to the strong, silent type, AFAIC.
Last night at the salsa social, I had this one girl cracking up like crazy and I wasn't even trying to be funny. I had cold hands from coming in out from the cold and she said, "you have cold hands!!" and I said, "maybe you can warm them up" and she goes into hysterical laughter. We start dancing to a merengue tune and me and her go round and round and I started getting dizzy. So I say, "we need to go the other way because I'm getting dizzy." More crazy laughter. I then told her the reason why I was so late was because I just got off work. I said more stuff pertaining to my job and she laughed again.
So I was saying stuff... not caring and she was laughing her head off.
My coworker at my workplace invited me to a party thrown by her and her husband so I'm going to shoot her a text later on. It should be fun.

[Benjamin]

Sounds like your doing good Ronatello

Isn't it funny when girls just laugh at anything you say when your just saying normal stuff.

A entertaining thing to do would be to just say the most unfunny stuff you can on purpose.. hahaha.. and see if she laughs, which would be funny in itself

I remember when I was really the most successful in the area of women.. I would say and do stuff just to see the reaction and would have alot of fun with it. I stopped doing it a few years ago, but now thinking of it, I had quite a bit of fun doing it.

[ronatello]

Saying stuff just to get a reaction? I do that sometimes and it's just for fun. I like to watch people's reactions when I say certain things. I went to a party earlier this evening and while I talked to a few there, I felt very out of place. It's not my scene. I much prefer going to salsa / latin dance socials. The ones that attended were younger than me, except for my coworker's husband (she invited me).
I'm coming down off a potent buzz... I took a shower and I can still smell smoke, lol!
I just didn't jibe with the vibe of the party at all. But that's okay. I have my salsa dancing (and socializing with the salseros) to keep me happy. .
I have no idea on what impression I left but frankly I could care less. I wasn't negative but since I felt out of place, I felt uptight and not wanting to talk much (I outgrew that stuff a long time ago... it makes me paranoid, heh! ) I'm sure most sensed that. I still got a few girls smile at me. One was wanting me to join in on a drinking game (red&black or something like that). I was way buzzing and I was like.... NO WAY! I politely declined.
I define that party as ... insane. Just insane.

[Spiral]

Drinking games??? sounds like a chill type of college party. those are fun!

[ronatello]

Yeah... it was funny because one of the players was like, "this is ghetto jeopardy" which I thought that was funny, then he says, "umm... ghetto wheel of fortune".
I was about to gag from all of the cigarette smoke, lol! The party in itself was okay except the hostess got way too drunk and knocking stuff off into the floor (PGA punch). I dunno but those drinking games seems like a good way to get alcohol poisoning .
Some guy wanted to do shots with me but I was buzzing bigtime and I was like "no way". I had to drive home and the last thing I want is to get pulled over or run over someone or something. I already had 3 shots of hot damn (100 proof) in me, a glass and a half of wine and did one toke which I thought was enough for me .
I really have no regrets going... it was fun in a way but it's something that I won't be repeating anytime soon.
I had an attention span of a housefly it seemed when I got in. I watched stuff on youtube and couldn't finish watching the videos hardly... kept changing them. Then I wrote in my computer journal and put on some latin dance music (salsa and bachata). I wrote some then I got up and started dancing (lol).
I was spazzy to the max to say the least.