Alpha Male 6 - New Life Journey

[hiddenalias]

Day 9 - Stage 1/7

7 hours listened.
US Tones - Vol 20


I toned down the volume since i put speakers closer to my head with the ultrasonics. I felt I had a vivid dream but just can't recall it.

My irrational fears went in high gear today. I could not build the courage to make a funny witty remark with one of the coworkers or even say hi to the store manager out of irrational fears. Tried to make a funny or small talk remark with the general manager but he was (as it seemed) in a grouchy mood in the morning. Guess didn't have his early morning cup o' joe. I did manage to be verbally opinionated with stuff to the manager like a "here is my theory opinion" but I think it required a bit of courage to do it; not the natural feeling of I say what I want to say without thinking if I should or shouldnt say it.


But still calm and no butterflies in my stomach feeling when walking in through the doors at work every time a delivery was done. Again anytime the thought of walking in through the doors whenever or wherever I worked I would get nervous with butterflies but I didn't get that today nor for the last several days. So the sub must be doing something.

I felt neutral but didnt care about wanting attention or being acknowledged at work. I just didn't care. I felt calm and just relaxed. The people I talked with when introducing myself, I didn't even care if they talked to me or not. I was like whatever fine dont talk to me I dont care. (That is what my thought was). Not seeking their approval. I guess.....

Tried to understand a problem I was having by asking a coworker a work related situation. But I couldnt get my point across so I just faked it like "ohhhh ok I understand now".

General manager at work was like if they are busy even after an 8 hour shift I cannot go home unless they say to cash out OR until it isnt so busy. You know what I did? I took my car top off my car and went straight inside and I think I was ready like to demand to be cashed out. I was gonna make an excuse up that I have school or something so I MUST leave by 6pm. Thankfully they let me go but I don't know if they were like I have to stay cuz it busy I was gonna give them that excuse.

Also felt today that I could say anything freely in front of my bro in law which I used to hesitate saying because of more irrational fears.

Was pulled over by the police motorcyclist for not having my seatbelt on and I was calm and cool with the officer; I even made a humor comment, unfortunately didn't help with the stupid ticket fines "I guess it's not too late to put my seatbelt back on now" shouldve said "I guess its not too late to put the seatbelt back on so you dont have to give me a ticket".....even though he fined me ridiculous fees....get this

1. No seatbelt -- $151.00

2. Failure to change address -- (WTF How could this be an offense, greedy lawmakers!) $111.00

But point is I was calm with the officer, no nervous butterfly in stomach feelings like I would get when a officer pulled me over before for speeding and stupid things like that).

[hiddenalias]

Day 10 - Stage 1/7

6 - 7 hours listened.
US Tones - Vol 31


Toned up the volume above half level since the vol max is 60 on my receiver. I am not going to give my whole life story of the day in my journals so I guess we'll just get to the point; positive outcomes (PO) and drawbacks of the day.

PO

1. Felt I could easily chat with strangers making even small talk; this happened on 2 occasions today.
   
2. Was able to have conversations with a few coworkers as if we were friends and not just a default hello how are you
   
3. Still going good with no butterflies in the stomach upon entering work.
   
4. I called my insurance co. about my claim status and my request to find out the status in the beginning became playful fun joking around with the girl on the other side of the line. Basically I just started flirting with her and made it fun...I was like, hey you look cute let me take you out sometime; of course she said she had a boyfriend...but I was like 'well tell him that I wanna borrow you for one night'....kinda ballsy if you ask me but I just had fun with it didnt expect her to say yes.
   

Drawbacks

• Hesitating in asking for help in fast paced busy environment at work
  
• Very submissive to grouchy people when they tell me how to do a task at work (understandably I am still learning so I have to listen to them) but rather than fearfully listening and submitting, I'd rather like to play it cool and not be afraid and joke with them and still learn by their teaching so I can call them out on their grouchy outward verbal communication.
  
• Sometimes when I want to joke with coworkers like managers especially, I just can't pull it off and just start debating if I should and if I shouldnt and if I did how stupid I'd look if it doesn't come out funny as I planned. Or even if a coworker tries to joke with me I just become quiet and nonverbal fearing to joke back with them.
  • Mom and dad still treating me disrespectfully
    • Was sort of nervous irrationally fearing of repercussions (not extremelly nervous just a slight int of it) repercussions of how managers act if I try to want to leave shift for day and how I could do it without forcing self to leave when I want to.
      
    
    That is just to summarise the + and - of the day. AM is something I know I will need 3x at the very least to change. Results are very very slow in external reality and won't change overnight but I am guessing it is chipping away old personas in a very very very very very SLOW process....

[hiddenalias]

Day 11 - Stage 1/7
9 hours listened.
US Tones - Vol 31

I think I felt like I had a vivid dream; what I mean is that I felt I was in such a deep sleep, that the dream felt real and when I was woken up I felt like the dream that was still playing like a movie and not even near an ending was suddenly interrupted by the vhs tape was getting stuck and tangled in the vcr. I guess thats one way to put it.

Even if I cant remember the whole dream, I do remember this much that a guy I was speaking with was angry or expressing a pissed off mood toward me.


The minuses today is that I still felt hesitant and felt uncomfortable when people at work took a situation seriously and I didn't know how to break the tension with the serious vibe in the atmosphere with a sense of humor to get others to laugh and play it out cool and 'lighten things up'....I know some can actually pull it off naturally if the group like the guy as a friend than just a coworker I theorize. If the grouch was interfering asking what I was doing, I just answered, didn't ask her to piss off. Very submissive I know.

But sometimes at work, I felt great, I talked to people even if I am not their best friends and felt great that I was involved in topics that I wanted to share not afraid of sharing. S

I am still afraid of speaking out to my bro in law even if I legitimately need to find out details about stuff...definitely irrational fears. Still joking with the gen manager and sometimes the store manager (still the same person I had sometimes a good conversation with) minimally made temporary short lived "jokes".

One of the coworkers, or maybe 2 that werent so interested in me before (one being the grouch) I suddenly I guess they started liking me even if for a short while. I felt I was still cool with the assistant manager though we r not friends.

On the positive side, I felt like I could talk to people and join in on conversation "cutting in" well I guess not with anybody but with people I felt comfortable with. Unfortunately irrational fears still exist and there was some I felt I could talk to confidently if I wanted to and others who were more "powerful" that I hesitated I could not or was afraid of joining in.

Still can't joke with anyone yet or the people that I want to cuz of irrational fears...

One weird thing that happened today is that I was eating at Mcdonalds sitting inside and as I was finishing up, some random stranger customer who was also present (as I am wiping my face getting done with my meal) he is like "you missed a spot"......I was like WTF?! What kind of stranger cares to let you know that? Kinda felt annoyed but didn't know if I was supposed to speak up and say "Mind your own business" OR just politely listen since it caught me off guard......

I donno if you guys can chime in on this....especially Shannon. Because I really need feedback on this; I don't know if what happened above was that he felt he was under threat and I am unknowingly expressing alpha energy or aura or what so he just said it because so that he can "feel better" of himself.....again it just happened unexpectedly. What do you guys think of the above scenario?

Even though 11 days later I don't see any changes yet.....I am guessing it isn't my stereo speakers, it isn't the sub, it is either the volume that needs to be ramped up above 31 (goes as high as 60 on bluetooth receiver I am using) or that I just have 35 years of subconscious irrational fears rooted in my unconcious and in 11 days is nothing to reprogram me. I remember one guy who said AM 6 didnt work for him in this forum somewhere, so I don't want to become a statistic and be a 2nd person asking for a refund saying it didn't work. Unlike him though, who knows where he is now, I am not listening to the sub over 12+ hours a day like he did.

So confidently I want to say AM 6 is doing something but it is going to be super slow based on my adopted beliefs I've encountered for over 30 years PLUS

examples: bad parenting like of a dad who, when I was bullied as a boy, one day I asked him to come meet the bully and that he was the one who was picking on me and my dad? he was like touching his face by holding it gently in his palm saying "this sweet little boy"?? Or with teachers from my elementary school who were bullies always shouting at me and yes I always did cry in elementary school for 3 or 4 years I think, then a teacher in 3rd grade who threw down a notebook of mine in front of the whole class as I cried picking it up......(Kindergarten to 3rd grade) been bullied since 6th grade then all the bullying stopped there until rumors of me being a homo in high school just because I said "I loved my brother" as the love between siblings...SMH

Just sharing some personal life events that took place that may have caused me to adopt such outlook on life where AM 6 would have to be used many many times for someone from my life background.

[hiddenalias]

Day 12 - Stage 1/7
7 hours listened.
US Tones - Vol 40


I would like to say that I guess I am becoming more able to greet people even strangers beyond my workplace....without fearing to do it; even if it is just small talk. I have a desire to want to talk to people even if they are strangers I think. Try to recruit random stranger guys as friends like Tyler Durden in Fight Club.

Going to ramp up the volume even higher until I can't bare the sound of US tones no more. Keep on tweaking and experimenting till I have it just right.

[Chris P. Bacon]

lol you're weird. that's why no one comments on your progress loser.

Just want to watch the world burn huh?

[Benjamin]

Nah he's just an idiot who keeps getting banned and plot twist.. both accounts were him and he was talking to himself.

[Chris P. Bacon]

Bizarre, why would someone do that?

[Benjamin]

I really have no idea.