Alpha 5.0

[SargeMaximus]

I'm thinking about this whole alpha journey. I'm not entirely sure why I'm doing this. Yeah it's self improvement, but is it really a positive thing for me? I don't think so, I think I'm operating out of fear instead of genuine desire for growth and improvement.

:o

Oh man! I think I'm in the same boat man! Some things you're saying are really speaking to me:

See that's me. I'm striving to become more alpha because I feel like I have to in order to get by. If I take away that anxiety then would I really feel the need to improve? If my life was ok and I was happy, then maybe I'd have no desire to continue this alpha program. I'm just wondering if this really is the right path for me. If there is any actual desire for me to grow that isn't rooted in this negative self esteem.

I think I'm the same way with women. I have no desire to get good with them because trying to get good with them implies that I'm bad with them, which re-enforces my belief that I'm bad with them, and the more I do to learn how to be good with women, is actually me just telling myself that I'm bad with women, despite evidences to the contrary when I don't try.

In your case, it's probably like this:

"I'm not alpha enough, so I need to do this sub. Because I'm doing this sub, I'm not alpha enough, and will only be alpha enough after doing this sub" however, the main focus is that you "are not" in the present moment.

Maybe it's just resistance from the alpha program. But I'm going crazy trying to figure it all out. If all I want is freedom, then wouldn't that mean tossing aside the idea of actually attempting to reach some kind of alpha male traits?

YES! I've thought this too. That the only way to be good with women is to stop trying to be good with them and start believing that I am and just letting that person start living.

I keep making the same mistakes, I think. For some reason I never feel like these subliminals can destroy these perfectionist habits. I want to get to a point where I'm ok with myself, but I'm also ok with getting better. Not this, not ok with myself until I reach xyz. I'm currently doing some of the lefkoe belief stuff to accelerate eliminating the perfectionist habits. Anything at this point, I'm going crazy.

Well here, I definitely understand what you're saying, it's the same for me. And I gotta say, put yourself where you naturally flow and just flow with it. For example: for me I've noticed that if I'm in normal situations and normal socializing with women, things go GREAT. But the instant I try to turn it into something, it crashes. I believe this is because I am doubting it and feel I have to do something when I actually already have it, which is her interest.

Don't know if I'm making sense, you've definitely articulated yourself better than me, but basically I'm talking about trusting yourself. Learning to trust yourself and who you are/what you want despite anything else, and then acting on it.

It was my belief that these subs help you to induce that inner trust, but if your analysis of the situation is correct, then it could be next to impossible to ever see any results as long as those results are dependent on the sub.

[mat422]

:o

Oh man! I think I'm in the same boat man! Some things you're saying are really speaking to me:

This is good. It means what we are going through isn't as overwhelming as we might think it is.

I think I'm the same way with women. I have no desire to get good with them because trying to get good with them implies that I'm bad with them, which re-enforces my belief that I'm bad with them, and the more I do to learn how to be good with women, is actually me just telling myself that I'm bad with women, despite evidences to the contrary when I don't try.

In your case, it's probably like this:

"I'm not alpha enough, so I need to do this sub. Because I'm doing this sub, I'm not alpha enough, and will only be alpha enough after doing this sub" however, the main focus is that you "are not" in the present moment.

What is your definition of good with women? Maybe establishing that first will help you break it down into small parts instead of this whole mess that overwhelms you. Just some thoughts. Sometimes when you create ridiculous expectations of yourself it gets paralyzing.

Pretty close. I've gotten a lot more accepting of my situation than I was in the past and I've learned I just have to do what I have to do, regardless of it seeming not alpha. But it does make me wonder how other people out there can be confident and stuff without subliminals. I see their reality and mine, both of them are vastly different. I just can't figure out why it's so hard for me to have that reality as well.

YES! I've thought this too. That the only way to be good with women is to stop trying to be good with them and start believing that I am and just letting that person start living.

But let me guess. You don't believe it right? Catch 22 huh? In order to get good with women you have to believe you are good, but you feel like you can't have that belief until you actually are good. You sound like you're on the right path though.

Well here, I definitely understand what you're saying, it's the same for me. And I gotta say, put yourself where you naturally flow and just flow with it. For example: for me I've noticed that if I'm in normal situations and normal socializing with women, things go GREAT. But the instant I try to turn it into something, it crashes. I believe this is because I am doubting it and feel I have to do something when I actually already have it, which is her interest.

Don't know if I'm making sense, you've definitely articulated yourself better than me, but basically I'm talking about trusting yourself. Learning to trust yourself and who you are/what you want despite anything else, and then acting on it.

It was my belief that these subs help you to induce that inner trust, but if your analysis of the situation is correct, then it could be next to impossible to ever see any results as long as those results are dependent on the sub.

I definitely get what you are saying. People are really in tune to those subtle feelings you create in yourself. Non-verbal communication and stuff.

I've thought of similar things regarding inner trust. I think what you are describing though is beliefs. Think about it, individuals who are good with women believe themselves to be, it's that belief that allows you to trust yourself. You can't force yourself to believe something, I've tried. Otherwise it will feel like a lie and how can you trust yourself if you feel you are lying to yourself? Thing is, they might feel like lies, but if you think about it even more it's just our interpretation. I mean in your case you believe you aren't good with women, but that's just a belief right? Sure you may have experience to back up that belief but in the end that belief is what manifests your reality.

Theories, concepts, that's all I got unfortunately. I'm great at articulating this stuff. Living it though, that's a whole separate thing for me I haven't really gotten the hang of yet. All I can say is, it's down to accepting those new beliefs into your life and starting to live that reality. Unfortunately for me I feel like I have a hard time accepting those new beliefs. My guess is fear. I think some individuals just have more sensitivity to fear. It's like the deep end of a pool when kids start learning to swim. You've got the kids that jump right in and then you've got kids that avoid it because they fear it. I think fear is a very powerful force that can hold you in place, the most frustrating part is it's a very primitive behavior that doesn't respond to logic or reason.

Keep moving forward.

[SargeMaximus]

This is good. It means what we are going through isn't as overwhelming as we might think it is.

I think we definitely decide within ourselves how overwhelming something is; like you said, beliefs.

What is your definition of good with women? Maybe establishing that first will help you break it down into small parts instead of this whole mess that overwhelms you. Just some thoughts. Sometimes when you create ridiculous expectations of yourself it gets paralyzing.

Well it's simple really. Good with women to me means being able to hook up with the ones I want and have sex with them. Sure it's a primitive nature, but I've got the other stuff licked (conversations, etc). Thing is, I can't find that "crack" in reality where I have sex with these women. I think I just gotta go for it somehow.

Pretty close. I've gotten a lot more accepting of my situation than I was in the past and I've learned I just have to do what I have to do, regardless of it seeming not alpha. But it does make me wonder how other people out there can be confident and stuff without subliminals. I see their reality and mine, both of them are vastly different. I just can't figure out why it's so hard for me to have that reality as well.

I've wondered this as well. But maybe the subliminals let us achieve things we normally couldn't, but the difference now is that we won't, whereas before we simply couldn't, if that makes sense.

But let me guess. You don't believe it right? Catch 22 huh? In order to get good with women you have to believe you are good, but you feel like you can't have that belief until you actually are good. You sound like you're on the right path though.

Exactly, I don't. And I think that's what everything is boiling down to. When I look back on times when women were literally throwing themselves at me or following me around stores or out of stores etc, never once did I think (hmm, this girl is really into me, do I want her?) like, it never entered my mind that I had a choice. I think I've been going at it from the position that the girl has to give me permission, and while I'm not condoning rape, I am saying that you gotta assert your wants. Lay it on the line, and take what comes to you, while leaving the rest alone.

I definitely get what you are saying. People are really in tune to those subtle feelings you create in yourself. Non-verbal communication and stuff.

I've thought of similar things regarding inner trust. I think what you are describing though is beliefs. Think about it, individuals who are good with women believe themselves to be, it's that belief that allows you to trust yourself. You can't force yourself to believe something, I've tried. Otherwise it will feel like a lie and how can you trust yourself if you feel you are lying to yourself? Thing is, they might feel like lies, but if you think about it even more it's just our interpretation. I mean in your case you believe you aren't good with women, but that's just a belief right? Sure you may have experience to back up that belief but in the end that belief is what manifests your reality.

Yes, so true, and yet, you can change your beliefs (or, so my coach tells me).

Basically you write down your current belief(s) saying "Currently I believe/I currently believe..." then you re-phrase it so that it's a belief you want. So in this instance:

1. Currently I believe that I'm not good with women.

1. Now I believe that I am good with women and I can choose to bring any that appeal to me and make their attraction obvious into my service.

Then all you do is write the re-structured belief once a day for 2 weeks, then let it settle in the unconscious.

Now, I don't know how effective this is or how it compares to subs, but I still do them whenever I identify beliefs that I want to change and they seem to help.

Theories, concepts, that's all I got unfortunately. I'm great at articulating this stuff. Living it though, that's a whole separate thing for me I haven't really gotten the hang of yet. All I can say is, it's down to accepting those new beliefs into your life and starting to live that reality. Unfortunately for me I feel like I have a hard time accepting those new beliefs. My guess is fear. I think some individuals just have more sensitivity to fear. It's like the deep end of a pool when kids start learning to swim. You've got the kids that jump right in and then you've got kids that avoid it because they fear it. I think fear is a very powerful force that can hold you in place, the most frustrating part is it's a very primitive behavior that doesn't respond to logic or reason.

Keep moving forward.

Yeah man, I think you're bang on. I also think fear is probably a big issue for the both of us. Have you used OGSF at all? I was considering it but it depends on how I do in the next few months. I think I made a big breakthrough today but I'll detail that in my own journal.

[mat422]

Well it's simple really. Good with women to me means being able to hook up with the ones I want and have sex with them. Sure it's a primitive nature, but I've got the other stuff licked (conversations, etc). Thing is, I can't find that "crack" in reality where I have sex with these women. I think I just gotta go for it somehow.

That is pretty simple. Just keep working on yourself, I'm sure it will come in time. Any guilt associated with sex?

I've wondered this as well. But maybe the subliminals let us achieve things we normally couldn't, but the difference now is that we won't, whereas before we simply couldn't, if that makes sense.

Makes perfect sense. Like that old saying, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.

Exactly, I don't. And I think that's what everything is boiling down to. When I look back on times when women were literally throwing themselves at me or following me around stores or out of stores etc, never once did I think (hmm, this girl is really into me, do I want her?) like, it never entered my mind that I had a choice. I think I've been going at it from the position that the girl has to give me permission, and while I'm not condoning rape, I am saying that you gotta assert your wants. Lay it on the line, and take what comes to you, while leaving the rest alone.

That comes with confidence I think. You decide what you want, go for it and if it doesn't work out no big deal. Easier said than done, but yeah I know what you're saying.

Yes, so true, and yet, you can change your beliefs (or, so my coach tells me).

Basically you write down your current belief(s) saying "Currently I believe/I currently believe..." then you re-phrase it so that it's a belief you want. So in this instance:

1. Currently I believe that I'm not good with women.

1. Now I believe that I am good with women and I can choose to bring any that appeal to me and make their attraction obvious into my service.

Then all you do is write the re-structured belief once a day for 2 weeks, then let it settle in the unconscious.

Now, I don't know how effective this is or how it compares to subs, but I still do them whenever I identify beliefs that I want to change and they seem to help.

Seems like an ok technique. I'm sure it works for some and not for others though. In my experience you have to actually believe what you're saying, that can get tricky if you've got that knee jerk "no I'm not response". That's why I think I'm better off with subliminals. They minimize that resistance.

Yeah man, I think you're bang on. I also think fear is probably a big issue for the both of us. Have you used OGSF at all? I was considering it but it depends on how I do in the next few months. I think I made a big breakthrough today but I'll detail that in my own journal.

Yeah I've used OGSF before. For me it was rough, good things came out of it though. A lot of subtle things, but I could tell it pushed me in that direction. I was pretty much unemployed because the fear was so bad, but after running it for a while I was able to push my comfort zone and finally get a job. It definitely helped out, so it might help you too.

[SargeMaximus]

That is pretty simple. Just keep working on yourself, I'm sure it will come in time. Any guilt associated with sex?

Yes and no. lol. It depends who is around when the sex topic comes up in conversation (I have a religious background, so anyone from my family is usually a source of me being nervous if the sex topic comes up from outside influences).

Then again, no experience, so I don't know. I'm inclined to think so though, which is another reason why I wanted to run SM. It supposedly deals with that.

Makes perfect sense. Like that old saying, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.

Yeah. But there's gotta be a way to help the horse WANT to drink, right? God I hope so.

That comes with confidence I think. You decide what you want, go for it and if it doesn't work out no big deal. Easier said than done, but yeah I know what you're saying.

Well I've done it before (like approaching girls and asking for numbers, having meaningful and good conversations first etc), but I think my problem is maintaining that confidence. I really don't know why I don't keep on trying it to be honest, it's like I'm waiting for something, but I even think that's a bad idea, so who knows.

Seems like an ok technique. I'm sure it works for some and not for others though. In my experience you have to actually believe what you're saying, that can get tricky if you've got that knee jerk "no I'm not response". That's why I think I'm better off with subliminals. They minimize that resistance.

Yeah see I have a different way of thinking when it comes to that. I just trust that my subconscious will make it work. I know I don't believe it now, but it's irrelevant. It's like handing your mind the tools to use when it needs them. Which is also why I like to read theories. Not to implement them, but to have that knowledge somewhere in my mind available to my subconscious if it needs it.

Yeah I've used OGSF before. For me it was rough, good things came out of it though. A lot of subtle things, but I could tell it pushed me in that direction. I was pretty much unemployed because the fear was so bad, but after running it for a while I was able to push my comfort zone and finally get a job. It definitely helped out, so it might help you too.

Yeah I used it for 92 days before AM. It was my first program and it really seemed to help. I'm seeing that your issues are coming from resistance mostly, and that's ok. I'd just focus on how to break that down. Use more "foundation" programs like OGSF and AM until you're solid, then move forward.

Glad you got another job too, where you working now btw?

[mat422]

Yes and no. lol. It depends who is around when the sex topic comes up in conversation (I have a religious background, so anyone from my family is usually a source of me being nervous if the sex topic comes up from outside influences).

Then again, no experience, so I don't know. I'm inclined to think so though, which is another reason why I wanted to run SM. It supposedly deals with that.

Which pretty much means it's still sitting there in your subconscious. Your family just triggers it, but I'm willing to bet the same thing happens when you think about trying to get with a girl. It's always bothered me when parents end up treating sex like this huge taboo thing, it's just part of being human. To put restraints on basic human behavior, it leads to all sorts of messed up behavior.

Yeah. But there's gotta be a way to help the horse WANT to drink, right? God I hope so.

Definitely. Just sometimes that horse stands there for a while waiting until it's ready. Sometimes you just aren't ready and when it comes it comes.

Well I've done it before (like approaching girls and asking for numbers, having meaningful and good conversations first etc), but I think my problem is maintaining that confidence. I really don't know why I don't keep on trying it to be honest, it's like I'm waiting for something, but I even think that's a bad idea, so who knows.

Sounds like procrastination, which in my experience is just fear in another form. Throw out the idea of waiting for a perfect moment or when things seem right. You'll end up waiting most of your life. I'm still trying to undo that behavior myself. I procrastinate terribly.

Yeah see I have a different way of thinking when it comes to that. I just trust that my subconscious will make it work. I know I don't believe it now, but it's irrelevant. It's like handing your mind the tools to use when it needs them. Which is also why I like to read theories. Not to implement them, but to have that knowledge somewhere in my mind available to my subconscious if it needs it.

It all boils down to whatever works for you. Different things affect people differently.

Yeah I used it for 92 days before AM. It was my first program and it really seemed to help. I'm seeing that your issues are coming from resistance mostly, and that's ok. I'd just focus on how to break that down. Use more "foundation" programs like OGSF and AM until you're solid, then move forward.

Glad you got another job too, where you working now btw?

Yeah I've been chipping away at it for a while. This is my first time running alpha 5.0. But I've ran 2011 twice. Each time I grew a little more, but it's tough. I'd say part of it is resistance, but I see it more like a tangled web of issues. That's part of my problem, I have trouble consciously solving anything because I feel like there are parts of me buried that I don't even know about.

I'm interning at a data center. I'm basically working on servers and stuff. The data center team basically insures that everything runs smoothly.

_____________________________________________________________

In other news I feel like I've made some progress. Small stuff, but every little bit counts. I struggled with body dysmorphia for a while. I'd avoid mirrors a lot, hated pictures even more. It's like whenever I saw myself, my mind immediately zeroed in on my flaws and all I saw were flaws. I didn't see myself, all I saw was just one ugly person. Lately I've noticed I don't do that anymore. I'm just me, a unique individual and this is my body. It's different and it may not be perfect, but I'm ok with it. I've had girls tell me I'm attractive in the past, but I never really believed it. Just goes to show you that external validation doesn't mean jack if your internal beliefs are all screwed up. So yeah, that was a nice effect of stage 3.

For now that's the only thing I could report on. But it's been a huge weight off my shoulders. I guess I didn't realize my self image was that bad until I finally started feeling good about it.

[mat422]

New insight, maybe it came to me over night, but here it goes. A couple of days ago I was contemplating why I wanted to run through alpha. I think I'm always looking to better myself. In a country where people are always saying "you're good enough" I feel like I'm in the wrong for wanting to keep pushing myself. Interestingly enough I had a little bit of guilt about it all. I guess I was thinking about why I was running through this from the negative perspective too much. Sure I've got some issues I need to work out, but it's more than that. I'm excited to keep growing. And maybe somewhere along the line I thought that striving to be better meant that I was insecure.

The other thing is, I feel drawn to this. I can't describe it that well, but it's my path. Deep down in my gut I know this is the right thing to do. I kept assuming that my reluctance to stop using the sub was due to dependence, but I think it was actually my gut telling me I was straying from the correct path when I thought of quitting. I think maybe I've moved past that resistance, I'm not sure.

I think the perfectionism has lessened. I'm feeling a lot better with where I am, but at the same time I feel good about my continual growth.

I've still yet to determine if it's a gradual change with these subs and I realize it later or I keep pushing and pushing until resistance breaks and all the insights come flooding in. Sometimes I swear I go to sleep one way and wake up another.

[SargeMaximus]

The other thing is, I feel drawn to this. I can't describe it that well, but it's my path. Deep down in my gut I know this is the right thing to do. I kept assuming that my reluctance to stop using the sub was due to dependence, but I think it was actually my gut telling me I was straying from the correct path when I thought of quitting. I think maybe I've moved past that resistance, I'm not sure.

I think the perfectionism has lessened. I'm feeling a lot better with where I am, but at the same time I feel good about my continual growth.

I've still yet to determine if it's a gradual change with these subs and I realize it later or I keep pushing and pushing until resistance breaks and all the insights come flooding in. Sometimes I swear I go to sleep one way and wake up another.

Yeah totally, I've experienced this too, as well as feeling ok with where you are. What stage are you on?

[mat422]

Yeah totally, I've experienced this too, as well as feeling ok with where you are. What stage are you on?

I'm on stage three. About a week in.

[Patti]

Hey Mat,

I've come to the conclusion recently that I am one of the unfortunate people who resists these programs to the point of physical illness.t So basically I'm taking a break from listening to anything. I'm a little bummed because I really wanted to start AF in September, but it just seems silly to start it if I can't finish it. One of the frustrating things for me is that anyone else in my family that listens to these programs do not seem to have any trouble with them and actually flourish from them. I'm the only one that has such a strong negative reaction. I took an online test the other day that suggested that I have a fear of change (which I knew and think that is huge with me), I have both a fear of success AND a fear of failure (how's that for a double whammy?!), a fear of unworthiness and a fear of losing my identity. So basically I'm living my life in fear. or so that test said. I guess I just have so many deep seeded issues that I can't get past at this time. I still have faith in subliminals, well Shannon's anyway, so maybe I'll try listening again when I'm a little stronger both mentally and physically.

The point is, I know your struggle and much of how you feel. I know how hard some days can be just to get out of bed and go to work or do whatever you need to do. I had thought if I would have only had these programs when I was your age, I wouldn't be as stuck as I am now at my age. I am so in such awe of your strength to push through and move on one day at a time. And I know it's hard to see the positive changes that happen but we can all see in your posts that you are definitely moving forward. Just keep going....you're inspirational!

[mat422]

Hey Mat,

I've come to the conclusion recently that I am one of the unfortunate people who resists these programs to the point of physical illness.t So basically I'm taking a break from listening to anything. I'm a little bummed because I really wanted to start AF in September, but it just seems silly to start it if I can't finish it. One of the frustrating things for me is that anyone else in my family that listens to these programs do not seem to have any trouble with them and actually flourish from them. I'm the only one that has such a strong negative reaction. I took an online test the other day that suggested that I have a fear of change (which I knew and think that is huge with me), I have both a fear of success AND a fear of failure (how's that for a double whammy?!), a fear of unworthiness and a fear of losing my identity. So basically I'm living my life in fear. or so that test said. I guess I just have so many deep seeded issues that I can't get past at this time. I still have faith in subliminals, well Shannon's anyway, so maybe I'll try listening again when I'm a little stronger both mentally and physically.

The point is, I know your struggle and much of how you feel. I know how hard some days can be just to get out of bed and go to work or do whatever you need to do. I had thought if I would have only had these programs when I was your age, I wouldn't be as stuck as I am now at my age. I am so in such awe of your strength to push through and move on one day at a time. And I know it's hard to see the positive changes that happen but we can all see in your posts that you are definitely moving forward. Just keep going....you're inspirational!

That's really unfortunate. How physically ill do you get? I'm always amazed by the individuals who flourish from these subliminals. But I look forward to the day when I can flourish too.

Thanks for the kind words Patti. It means a lot to me. This is really the only place I've ever been open about my struggles in life. So it's nice to hear from everyone else around here who might deal with the same hardships. We all have the strength to push on, if there's one thing I've learned it's that even when you think you can't, you most likely can. Hopefully you can get back to the subliminals soon and continue on your path for growth.

[mat422]

Well crap, I think I got ahead of myself a bit. I do feel better, but I didn't factor in the coffee I had in the morning when I had some of these realizations. Coffee tends to boost my mood temporarily, so I have to be aware what's real progress vs being on a high from caffeine.

That being said, I've noticed these past few days I've felt like my body is trying to process some emotional release. It's not like I have to cry, but it feels like I could. It just kind of feels like nausea, except it's affecting my entire body. I'm gonna go ahead and guess these past few weeks I've been toughing it out with willpower and now it's not working as well. When I didn't have a job I could deal with it better, I'd just take it easy the entire day and try to do something enjoyable and relaxing without putting too much pressure on myself. But now I don't really have a choice and it gets tiring pretending to be alright. I feel like once the weekend hits I don't want to do anything because I'm just drained from the work week.

[SargeMaximus]

But now I don't really have a choice and it gets tiring pretending to be alright. I feel like once the weekend hits I don't want to do anything because I'm just drained from the work week.

Don't try to ignore it. I find the best thing to do is let it run it's course. You don't have to pretend to be in a good mood, always be true to yourself.

[mat422]

But now I don't really have a choice and it gets tiring pretending to be alright. I feel like once the weekend hits I don't want to do anything because I'm just drained from the work week.

Don't try to ignore it. I find the best thing to do is let it run it's course. You don't have to pretend to be in a good mood, always be true to yourself.

You're totally right. I've got a bad habit of ignoring it. I'm going to try to let things be more from now instead of trying to control it so much. I think part of it is that I still have issues when it comes to my emotional state. Just a lot of years of suck it up and powering through, but it always makes things more difficult.