Alpha 5.0

[mat422]

I guess a little bit of both. I'm going to try to target more specific areas that hold me back. Being an alpha male seems great and all, but I think it would go a lot smoother if I worked on some other stuff first. So I'll probably be taking a break for a month or two then come back to something else.

I hear ya. AM can be a bit broad. What are you thinking of using? OGSF?

Not entirely sure yet. I'll have to introspect a little and see what I need to target. I ran OGSF in the past, but it still felt like I wasn't getting to the heart of my issues.

I've been reading a book that's been giving me a whole new perspective on consciousness. Basically the book confirms what I've always suspected, some individuals live in what's known as peak states of consciousness. And those in less than average states usually suffer from a disconnect between their feelings. So your head can be telling you one thing, but your gut instinct is telling you it's bad. This leads to conflict, instead of both places of awareness being in agreement and working with each other. Usually that gut instinct is there because of trauma of some sort. It's sort of like lack of free will, as long as you hold that gut instinct you automatically make judgements and do things that you later rationalize. Which they've done studies on, humans make decisions based on emotion and then later rationalize.

Having said that, I'm not sure if destroying fear or eliminating it like some of these programs is the best way to go about it. The irony is that if you want to remove fear, that's a threat and your instincts will kick in and try to keep you safe. It's like fighting a part of you that's just trying to help. That's like being hungry and telling your stomach to shut up and starve yourself. I believe fear is only a negative concept in our conscious awareness, below consciousness it serves a helpful purpose even if we don't feel like it does.

[mat422]

Had a session with my therapist today. Things are looking up. I think a lot of it is just having validation. So instead of seeing myself as a failure who isn't trying hard enough, I'm able to see myself as a person struggling with issues and doing the best I can with what I've got. Compassion for yourself is pretty important I think, otherwise you're just beating yourself down and keeping yourself stuck in a negative state.

And related to that, positive thinking really sucks. Maybe if you're a little down it's good to pick you up out of a rut. But full blown depression I've found that positive thinking has the exact opposite effect and requires a tremendous amount of energy with little to show for it. I can't pull a complete 180 just by thinking positive. So instead I'm trying to keep a more neutral disposition and find things that naturally bring my state up and increase that type of positive energy. Easier said than done however because of the numbing type effect that happens with depression. I find more often than not that I tend to force myself to enjoy something and that causes stress. I think the key is to take any kind of enjoyment, no matter how small a feeling it is and build on that.

[SargeMaximus]

I think the key is acceptance.

When I accept my negativity and bad moods, and don't try to repress or change it, I actually am able to have a lot more fun and enjoy myself. People respond well to this as well.

As my coach says, negativity isn't about being in a good or bad mood, it's somewhat like that "beating yourself up" you talked about. As long as you're progressing (I figure) you're positive.

As a culture, it seems we put too much importance on being in a "good mood". I believe this is just because other people don't want to be reminded of how bad they often feel. My theory is that when someone comes along and can be "real" by owning their bad feelings, it is like a freedom call to all those who are around. They know it's ok to be in a bad mood or whatever because "that guy does it". Make sense?

Either way, always be true to yourself.

Glad to hear you're making some progress.

[mat422]

I think the key is acceptance.

When I accept my negativity and bad moods, and don't try to repress or change it, I actually am able to have a lot more fun and enjoy myself. People respond well to this as well.

As my coach says, negativity isn't about being in a good or bad mood, it's somewhat like that "beating yourself up" you talked about. As long as you're progressing (I figure) you're positive.

As a culture, it seems we put too much importance on being in a "good mood". I believe this is just because other people don't want to be reminded of how bad they often feel. My theory is that when someone comes along and can be "real" by owning their bad feelings, it is like a freedom call to all those who are around. They know it's ok to be in a bad mood or whatever because "that guy does it". Make sense?

Either way, always be true to yourself.

Glad to hear you're making some progress.

Makes a lot of sense. Nobody likes wearing a mask.

On a side note, man the resistance I've been dealing with is through the roof. And it's been sneaking in, that's the worst part. I'm writing this because I really need to get this out so it doesn't fester up inside my head. I keep having these feelings that subliminals don't work and I'm not addressing the real problems and I'm fighting a losing battle. I kept contemplating leaving behind subliminals and just working on healing core issues. I got into this thought loop of questioning if my desire to be an alpha male is due to insecurity and maybe if I healed that insecurity I wouldn't need subliminals. If this path is really the right one for me. I honestly can't tell what's genuine feelings vs resistance at this point.

Truth be told I think part of the reason why I really dislike running these subliminals is the possibility of failure. Resistance is me, I'm resisting. And when I resist and changes don't take place I feel like a failure. But I'm stuck, and I've been stuck for a while. And recently I've realized that I don't handle emotions very well. I kind of go out-of-body, hard to describe but I just dissociate and detach. I think this is one of my defense mechanisms. To actually feel the emotions makes me more grounded, but there is a lot of pain there and I don't know if I can really handle it.

But it's all related to what the subliminal is doing, not the subliminals themselves. Like I'd probably take to a healthier eating sub no problem because in my mind that seems incredibly easy. I think the AM 5.0 subject matter is just really sensitive to me and it's been triggering a lot of emotional issues that are overwhelming me to the point where I'm not functioning all that well.

[SargeMaximus]

Makes a lot of sense. Nobody likes wearing a mask.

On a side note, man the resistance I've been dealing with is through the roof. And it's been sneaking in, that's the worst part. I'm writing this because I really need to get this out so it doesn't fester up inside my head. I keep having these feelings that subliminals don't work and I'm not addressing the real problems and I'm fighting a losing battle. I kept contemplating leaving behind subliminals and just working on healing core issues. I got into this thought loop of questioning if my desire to be an alpha male is due to insecurity and maybe if I healed that insecurity I wouldn't need subliminals. If this path is really the right one for me. I honestly can't tell what's genuine feelings vs resistance at this point.

Truth be told I think part of the reason why I really dislike running these subliminals is the possibility of failure. Resistance is me, I'm resisting. And when I resist and changes don't take place I feel like a failure. But I'm stuck, and I've been stuck for a while. And recently I've realized that I don't handle emotions very well. I kind of go out-of-body, hard to describe but I just dissociate and detach. I think this is one of my defense mechanisms. To actually feel the emotions makes me more grounded, but there is a lot of pain there and I don't know if I can really handle it.

But it's all related to what the subliminal is doing, not the subliminals themselves. Like I'd probably take to a healthier eating sub no problem because in my mind that seems incredibly easy. I think the AM 5.0 subject matter is just really sensitive to me and it's been triggering a lot of emotional issues that are overwhelming me to the point where I'm not functioning all that well.

Well, AM 6 has the emotional healing, and then you could always use emotional healing all on it's own when it's released. I'm curious as to why you think it's one or the other though? Subliminals or self-development. Why not both? Seems to me you take the approach of "if the subs work, I won't try to help myself" course, you have to use them, not just listen to them.

What I'm doing now is proceeding with my life as if I were not listening to the sub at all, that way it takes my focus off it.

Honestly, it seems like you want something or someone else to fix your issues, but it's you, and only you. Even if you use subliminals, it's you that has to change. Can't play the blame game for the rest of your life. It's important to keep yourself from being a victim, this includes being a victim of yourself.

One thing I've noticed from tapping is that there's no end to problems if you look for them. Literally no end at all. You have to focus on something else if you want a different result.

Ever play the color game? Someone tells you to look for a color behind you. Let's say blue. Pick out all the things that you see that are blue behind you. Then turn back to the computer screen.

Now, tell me everything you saw that was yellow. You won't remember anything that was yellow, but if it was behind you and you look again, you'll spot it immediately.

Same thing works for our emotions, thinking, states, you name it. It's all in the mind.

[mat422]

Makes a lot of sense. Nobody likes wearing a mask.

On a side note, man the resistance I've been dealing with is through the roof. And it's been sneaking in, that's the worst part. I'm writing this because I really need to get this out so it doesn't fester up inside my head. I keep having these feelings that subliminals don't work and I'm not addressing the real problems and I'm fighting a losing battle. I kept contemplating leaving behind subliminals and just working on healing core issues. I got into this thought loop of questioning if my desire to be an alpha male is due to insecurity and maybe if I healed that insecurity I wouldn't need subliminals. If this path is really the right one for me. I honestly can't tell what's genuine feelings vs resistance at this point.

Truth be told I think part of the reason why I really dislike running these subliminals is the possibility of failure. Resistance is me, I'm resisting. And when I resist and changes don't take place I feel like a failure. But I'm stuck, and I've been stuck for a while. And recently I've realized that I don't handle emotions very well. I kind of go out-of-body, hard to describe but I just dissociate and detach. I think this is one of my defense mechanisms. To actually feel the emotions makes me more grounded, but there is a lot of pain there and I don't know if I can really handle it.

But it's all related to what the subliminal is doing, not the subliminals themselves. Like I'd probably take to a healthier eating sub no problem because in my mind that seems incredibly easy. I think the AM 5.0 subject matter is just really sensitive to me and it's been triggering a lot of emotional issues that are overwhelming me to the point where I'm not functioning all that well.

Well, AM 6 has the emotional healing, and then you could always use emotional healing all on it's own when it's released. I'm curious as to why you think it's one or the other though? Subliminals or self-development. Why not both? Seems to me you take the approach of "if the subs work, I won't try to help myself" course, you have to use them, not just listen to them.

What I'm doing now is proceeding with my life as if I were not listening to the sub at all, that way it takes my focus off it.

Honestly, it seems like you want something or someone else to fix your issues, but it's you, and only you. Even if you use subliminals, it's you that has to change. Can't play the blame game for the rest of your life. It's important to keep yourself from being a victim, this includes being a victim of yourself.

One thing I've noticed from tapping is that there's no end to problems if you look for them. Literally no end at all. You have to focus on something else if you want a different result.

Ever play the color game? Someone tells you to look for a color behind you. Let's say blue. Pick out all the things that you see that are blue behind you. Then turn back to the computer screen.

Now, tell me everything you saw that was yellow. You won't remember anything that was yellow, but if it was behind you and you look again, you'll spot it immediately.

Same thing works for our emotions, thinking, states, you name it. It's all in the mind.

That's the way my mind has always worked. I'm constantly running through possibilities and filtering out stuff that doesn't work. It was just me contemplating if running the subliminals was making things worse for me rather than better. It's not that I'm not trying to help myself, it's that I'm trying to help myself in the most successful way possible. There's always been a tendency for me to compare myself to others and I'd take on more than I could handle for my current level of growth. It's better to make small changes and get better than take on big changes and just fall flat on my face.

I'm not gonna dispute that. At the same time I can't just throw myself into the deep end, it's never worked for me. I've gotta build up to it.

Yeah, same thing happened to me with tapping.

Good point. I guess that's why it's always important to focus on what you want and not what you don't want.

[mat422]

Well finished up Alpha 5.0.

Having finished this sub, I really don't think I was ready for it. It had my brain twisted in knots. It was probably trying to get me to make some major life changes that were triggering my fear response and as a result anxiety. Too much anxiety caused a kind of shutting down effect where I was just completely overwhelmed.

Overall I feel that I made some minor improvements. Which is better than nothing. I pretty much know I wasn't ready because if I was there would have been a lot more changes. But no sense blaming myself for not being able to make the changes I wanted. Beating myself up over this stuff never helps so instead I'm thankful for the changes I did have and in the future maybe I'll be better prepared.

[smoothsam]

Awesome progress. What's next?

[mat422]

Awesome progress. What's next?

Just taking some time off from subs trying to get my stress levels down. After that, not sure. I've got the anything is possible sub, maybe I'll give that a run through. Or the improved eyesight sub. It would be cool if I could get rid of my glasses. Though I have my doubts, my vision is pretty bad.

[Shannon]

In the end, it is the individual who must do the actual changing and growing, but it can help a lot to have the right people assisting you.