Alpha 5.0

[mat422]

Finally doing this. I can't remember the last time I've been so excited. Got my speakers on separate sides of my head this time too so I'm trying to get as full effects as possible.

Started listening to stage 1 last night. I've been sick these past few days. No doubt due to waking up at 3:30 in the morning to go to work, I'm just not used to that yet. I'm only getting about 6-7 hours of sleep a night, so I'll have to substitute in some time with my headphones. Which isn't bad because headphones do give the best results.

That's it for now. Can't wait to see where alpha takes me this time.

[Sean]

I can't wait to read your progress, Mat.

[Shannon]

Me either.

[mat422]

I can't wait to read your progress, Mat.

Me either.

Thanks guys. Due to my nature I'll probably be only making a few posts when I really have something to say. But who knows, maybe as I progress I'll want to share my thoughts more.

My mood has been slightly elevated. Either the sub has affected me already in just 3 days or just the idea of creating changes in my life because of it is enough to make me feel better. Either way it's a good feeling, it feels like a solution and that's enough to relieve a lot of anxiety about feeling powerless to my situation.

I've come to the realization that I have gotten better. Just not to the level where I feel like my mind is always striving for. Which doesn't matter, because where I came from I'm just grateful I was able to transcend those tough times. That being said, I've refrained from allowing my depression and anxiety to get any worse. I recognize that at this point in my life they aren't severe, maybe more of a moderate level. The point is, I'm dealing with them and not letting them get the best of me. At the same time I'm not brushing them off as trivial. I started taking supplements to support my mental health in case I was deficient. And I'm scheduling a doctors appointment soon to check out some physical stuff. I'm trying to find a balance of where I can express how I feel without feeling like I'm lying to myself or making excuses.

The problem is that despite my ability to function, things seem off. And this makes it hard to explain to others around me how I feel. On one hand I'm grateful that I'm not in an incredibly bad state. On the other hand, what some people see on the outside isn't a good representation of how I feel. I never stop striving, but sometimes it is a lot to deal with and it frustrates me.

[Benjamin]

Good luck, go forth and kick ass!

[mat422]

Well these past two days were pretty bad. I think the sub is bringing up some stuff that needs to let go. I had a pretty bad mood swing from friday into saturday. I think my biggest problem is I have a hard time actually letting go. Halfway through my day today I just had to lay down in my bed and I just passed out. I just felt paralyzed, stuck. Unless I absolutely have to do something, like work, it's like my willpower to do it isn't there. I did work on some music on saturday though, I hit a huge block halfway through though. Sometimes just doing enjoyable things feels like work.

I like to think that I'm a pretty strong person. The problem is sometimes I keep pushing and don't address those emotional issues as well as I should. I'm pretty sure it builds up after a while. They are bad feelings and I'm reluctant to feel them. It's not as simple as a 30 minute meditation and feeling better either, they stick around. I don't want to feel this way anymore, but I feel like time is the only thing that will help me move on from it.

[Shannon]

It's never pleasant to pull the thorn out of your foot. But it's more pleasant to get rid of it than to let it stay.

[Spiral]

Matt you are kicking ass! Everyday is a better day.

[mat422]

It's never pleasant to pull the thorn out of your foot. But it's more pleasant to get rid of it than to let it stay.

So true. I guess I'm pulling this thorn out pretty slowly though haha. But at least it's moving.

[mat422]

Had a real, I don't know, confusing moment? After thinking about things for a while I got onto the subject of the universe. Stuff like time before the big bang and there being essentially nothing. I'm no scientist, but I know there are theories out there. At the same time how can you explain something from nothing?

It just set off a chain reaction of thoughts. Like how much do we really know about stuff? Things like fear, we can see them so clearly and are still affected by them. I can contemplate what needs to change, but at the end of the day I can't snap my fingers and make it happen. As much as I want to, or maybe subconsciously I don't, maybe there is still something holding me back. It's like our bodies are these complex machines almost, they take input from the outside world and allow us to interact with it. Scientists have a name for those chemicals in our bodies that interact with our brain, but even without a name they serve their purpose and we instinctively know how they make us feel. In theory I guess my body could just be a host for a more ethereal body, using it to gain experiences about the world.

Of course I have my doubts. The human brain is such a complex organ, it's not impossible that I'm just justifying more to reality to make me feel like it's not just the physical. Maybe I just need more encounters with the supernatural to change my view. To me everything just seems too conveniently set up to be explained away by coincidence.

And there's my pseudo-intellectual rant today. I don't know if I think this way because I've felt I lack free will in my life and always question why. Or if these thoughts would be apparent despite me not having to overcome challenges in my life.

[Shannon]

My question about the big bang is... if there was no time... how was there change? Time IS change. Without time, there can be no change, no movement, no nothing. Right? And then at the same time, while meditating, I have experienced states of timelessness. Maybe time is actually a sort of glove on something else... which changes out perception of it. If we can experience timeless states of awareness, does that perhaps mean that there are multiple planes of existence and that in some, time exists and in some it doesn't? And if so, would that mean that time is an artifact of the density of the energy of that plane's "octave"? Does my ability to experience timeless states in meditation mean that I am simply turning off my awareness of time? Or is there an existence beyond time, or without it, that I am becoming aware of? And if there is no time, is there no space? And what would that mean? Does it mean that I'm experiencing a different plane of existence which is based on different rules of existence, or that I'm simply disconnecting from parts of a physical awareness sense array?

Such wonderful questions to enjoy figuring out. Have fun with it, Mat.

[mat422]

My question about the big bang is... if there was no time... how was there change? Time IS change. Without time, there can be no change, no movement, no nothing. Right? And then at the same time, while meditating, I have experienced states of timelessness. Maybe time is actually a sort of glove on something else... which changes out perception of it. If we can experience timeless states of awareness, does that perhaps mean that there are multiple planes of existence and that in some, time exists and in some it doesn't? And if so, would that mean that time is an artifact of the density of the energy of that plane's "octave"? Does my ability to experience timeless states in meditation mean that I am simply turning off my awareness of time? Or is there an existence beyond time, or without it, that I am becoming aware of? And if there is no time, is there no space? And what would that mean? Does it mean that I'm experiencing a different plane of existence which is based on different rules of existence, or that I'm simply disconnecting from parts of a physical awareness sense array?

Such wonderful questions to enjoy figuring out. Have fun with it, Mat.

Oh I will. Something that's always intrigued me is time distortion. Either time creeping by slowly or speeding up at an incredible rate. I've always seen time as this malleable thing, not really set in stone.

When you say a plane's octave, I naturally think of lower octave=lower vibrational energy and higher octave=high vibrational energy. Which to me would mean as you step up through these planes energy moves faster and time becomes slower, or ceases to exist as we know it. That is, if there are different planes of existence.

[Shannon]

My question about the big bang is... if there was no time... how was there change? Time IS change. Without time, there can be no change, no movement, no nothing. Right? And then at the same time, while meditating, I have experienced states of timelessness. Maybe time is actually a sort of glove on something else... which changes out perception of it. If we can experience timeless states of awareness, does that perhaps mean that there are multiple planes of existence and that in some, time exists and in some it doesn't? And if so, would that mean that time is an artifact of the density of the energy of that plane's "octave"? Does my ability to experience timeless states in meditation mean that I am simply turning off my awareness of time? Or is there an existence beyond time, or without it, that I am becoming aware of? And if there is no time, is there no space? And what would that mean? Does it mean that I'm experiencing a different plane of existence which is based on different rules of existence, or that I'm simply disconnecting from parts of a physical awareness sense array?

Such wonderful questions to enjoy figuring out. Have fun with it, Mat.

Oh I will. Something that's always intrigued me is time distortion. Either time creeping by slowly or speeding up at an incredible rate. I've always seen time as this malleable thing, not really set in stone.

When you say a plane's octave, I naturally think of lower octave=lower vibrational energy and higher octave=high vibrational energy. Which to me would mean as you step up through these planes energy moves faster and time becomes slower, or ceases to exist as we know it. That is, if there are different planes of existence.

Of course this requires that time is not some sort of "covering" or "add on" to something else, and that it is tied to the energy level of the planar signature. I currently believe time to be at least partially a modification to, or an add on to whatever the other half of space is in space-time. I think time is not inherent in a plane's existence, but is added into the "rules" separately, and exists as a mask for some other component that has not been identified because it is "underneath" what we call time.

Which may or may not indicate that space is similarly segmented...

But yes, when I say octave I mean higher or lower frequency of energy comprising the base of the plane itself.

And I'm pretty confident for myself, at least, that there are indeed alternate planes of existence.

This subject is one of the few that completely maxes out all my processors and makes me really work for further understanding, so I really enjoy contemplating it. It's ridiculously complex, and I believe that the only way to truly understand it fully is to disconnect oneself from the limits of the human body/brain focus. The human brain is amazing, but it is limited nonetheless.

But this is a bit beyond the scope of the discussion at hand...

[mat422]

Of course this requires that time is not some sort of "covering" or "add on" to something else, and that it is tied to the energy level of the planar signature. I currently believe time to be at least partially a modification to, or an add on to whatever the other half of space is in space-time. I think time is not inherent in a plane's existence, but is added into the "rules" separately, and exists as a mask for some other component that has not been identified because it is "underneath" what we call time.

Which may or may not indicate that space is similarly segmented...

But yes, when I say octave I mean higher or lower frequency of energy comprising the base of the plane itself.

And I'm pretty confident for myself, at least, that there are indeed alternate planes of existence.

This subject is one of the few that completely maxes out all my processors and makes me really work for further understanding, so I really enjoy contemplating it. It's ridiculously complex, and I believe that the only way to truly understand it fully is to disconnect oneself from the limits of the human body/brain focus. The human brain is amazing, but it is limited nonetheless.

But this is a bit beyond the scope of the discussion at hand...

Well you've succeeded in twisting my brain around haha. I believe you're correct though in that in order to understand it we must disconnect from the brain focus. Kind of like my experience with these subliminals, it's a deeper knowing that goes beyond just merely understanding on a logical level. [/quote]