Alden attempts EPRHA (36d) ⇌ STM+OAAM

[alden]

I totally understand where you're coming from. I'm approaching my 7th month on this thing... I'll say this. If you truly desire to take action for something towards something that inspires you, you'll still do it afterwards. I'm still interested in my career, still intend to gym, still intend to create the life I want to live. E2 is just for removing emotional traumas and GSF. If emotional trauma or GSF doesn't drive your desires, you'll still be ready to work towards them after the program... 19 days is pretty short to start thinking about stopping. Try at least a full month or two to see where you'll be headed. Best of luck!

I'm glad that you understand. Seven months indeed shows that you have perseverance. I remember I had lots of emotional traumas as a child and as a young teenager. But since I'm a very intrapersonal and self-aware person, I believe I had overcome most (say, 80%) of them already. I also had AM6, which has EPRHA in it, earlier. So probably, the emotional garbage I'm trying to rid myself of aren't that much anymore. I'm not going to stop at this point though. I committed 96 days for it, just to make sure that I'll encounter no issues during my rerun of AM6 soon.

Are you using E2 or the original version?... I also understand this as similar is happening to me. On the whole i'm in a better place, but motivation is low. Struggling with motivation at the gym alot of days, even on wednesday I didn't finish my whole workout which I haven't done before... On the whole i'm in a better place emotionally and in a couple of other areas, but the drive to really work towards something or motivation in some areas is really lacking.

I'm using the original version. I think I'd already went past most of my emotional traumas as a child, and at this point in my life, I no longer have very serious emotional issues. I'm using EPRHA to make sure that I'll have a better rerun of AM6 soon. The same little motivation to achieve goals I set prior to EPRHA is what's happening to me. However, I think this little motivation is merely temporary. Though the peace EPRHA brings might be a bit responsible for it, it seems that I just have to restructure how I spend my days and everything will work again.

Maybe E2 is clearing insecurities (or similar negative emotions) that used to be a source of motivation. Maybe you need to let go of those motivations and figure out what really motivates you in the absence of those negative emotions once they have cleared.

I don't want to think it that way (I'm not using E2 though ). But contrary to how it was prior to EPRHA, I'm actually becoming interested in some areas that have nothing to do with women. For example, I'm entertaining thoughts of studying Science seriously and become somewhat like an inventor (hopefully) who doesn't give a damn about pussies (I'm kinda familiar how such detachment feels). But on second thought, maybe I have to experience them first before I totally regard it as senseless pursuit

[alden]

Day 20 (202h 48m)↑

Working out a natural routine structure.

03:00 - Wrote in this journal, decided on 6 things I'd like to accomplish for the day
03:24 - Meditated
03:50 - Ate breakfast (or should I say, dinner from previous day?)
04:30 - Walked for an hour, ate fruits
05:30 - Did some self-care rituals
05:45 - Wrote in my gratitude journal
06:10 - Continued my self-care rituals
06:45 - Did my laundry
08:15 - Read some general knowledge stuff, slept for 9 hours or so
17:20 - Woke up, prepared things for this day's activities
18:00 - Ate lunch (or should I say "dinner"?)
19:30 - Went to the gym, did not finish my workout so I have to go back tomorrow
21:00 - Tracked my money, nutrition, routines, work, etc.
22:00 - Worked
22:30 - Continued tracking my life
00:00 - Ate dinner (or should I say "midnight meal"?), started an online course while lying down on bed, slept

This is the initial prototype. I hope I could improve this daily routine as Tony Stark continuously improves his Iron Man suit.

[alden]

Day 21 (212h 3m)↑

I still don't have the drive to work on improving my business. And I don't feel like pushing myself, but that's probably what I'd do today, especially since it's a Monday.

I signed up to StickK, a personal goal management company. I pledged to donate $5 for every week I'll fail to keep my 14+ days NoFap commitment. I'd also give them $5 for every week I'll fail to do my thrice a week workout and fail to eat enough food.

I don't have money to spare, so I hope it works.

[alden]

Day 22 (216h 28m)↓

I've become lax again starting last night. I had another relapse, so that's $5. I admit, the problem is with me.

I talked to two older adults, who are quite successful, and I found out that they have a lot more patience than I have. Both are also very pragmatic. They also respond to difficulties quite well. They're also optimistic. I hope to imbibe their ways through these conversations.

Anyway, I'm grateful that I'm able to solve the business problem I've been talking about since last week. I just sat at my computer and started working, and eventually I was able to talk to the right people and we now have some solution.

I'd like to learn more about the nature of luck this time. Well, I'm not often superstitious. However, I've observed that when bad luck happens, they often always come in bunches. I also noticed that there always seems to be a trigger—one unfavorable thing (such as an irritating morning experience)—that, when you fail to check early on, will bring a flood of unfavorable things later (such as, traffic, then coming late to appointment, then not riding the right vehicle, and so on.)

I thought, if we could just check the trigger as it comes, then the succeeding bad lucks won't have to happen. How do we do it? I think it has to do with how we respond to such unfavorable events, such that when you respond to them negatively then you attract more unfavorable things. But when you respond in a detached or even joyful way, then you're able to influence the succeeding course of events to bring in better conditions.

This is based on my experience, and I'd like to explore this subject by monitoring my daily encounters with luck.

[alden]

Day 23 (225h 55m)↑

Life seems better when you wake up in the morning. I feel like I want to be more productive today. Yesterday's visit to the gym might have been a good decision.

Yesterday though, I was quite negative. It felt as if I'm not doing enough work to make my experience of life more worthwhile. There's some guilt in there. I was comparing myself to other people--those my age and those younger. While they're busy dedicating their time and efforts in someone else' company, I just sit here in my apartment doing whatever thing comes to my mind. I don't have a boss who gives orders so I have all the license to be lax, and that no longer looks good. I have all my time but sometimes, I just let it pass accomplishing nothing. How could I ever achieve my wildest dreams if I'm no longer earning as much income as others because I went on my own. Now, I can even choose not to contribute to my social security when I'm feeling lazy.

I need to do some active work and master some set of skills that could improve my lifestyle.

It was midnight and I had to go home. I got off the vehicle and then I saw the sidewalks submerged in water. The rain kept pouring. I didn't want to walk on flooded sidewalks but I had no choice. As I tried to save my bare feet from the dirty water, I was slowly becoming irritated. Then I remembered the lesson I learned the other day about the nature of luck--that it follows the law of inertia. When the trigger gets fired, bad luck will keep flowing until some force changes its course. So I checked my emotions. I need not react too badly to this experience.

Going back to the subject of work. I can't really enjoy working for someone else. I just hate the idea of "having a job". So, this time, the only work I think I'd enjoy is some work that will have me building systems that will give me passive incomes later on. I used this Android app called Mindly to see how my different goals connect with each other. Such goals are a product of a decade-long thinking. Now, they're very clear. To synthesize, all such milestones will only lead to I becoming an alpha man, who has all the skills and qualities that go along with it... I worry a little though if I'll be able to achieve all such goals on time.

[alden]

Day 24 (228h 55m)↓

I took an online course on Android Development, because I'm fascinated by it and I read that there's a lot of money in software development. I thought this might be something I could do. The teacher is good and the subject is relatively easy... but the software is painfully slow. I've lost a day just to make a very simple app work. I lost some of my habits and I'm freaking out. This ain't good.

It feels like I'm wasting time and I get irritated a lot. But this might be a good training for my patience and a chance to do breathing exercises. *sigh*

[alden]

Day 25 (228h 55m)↓

I missed many of my routines since I changed my sleeping habits two days ago. I missed my EPRHA training for one day. I don't remember anything significant that happened yesterday.

[alden]

Day 26 (233h 37m)↓

I'm working on myself to become more productive and efficient. There's this technique called "2-minute rule" in one blog that I read. It says that whatever task you remember, if it can be finished within 2 minutes, do it immediately; if more than 2 minutes, put it on your list. I find it interesting so I implemented it and I was able to carry out a lot more things today than when I applied other systems. Here's how I spent the day.

08:00 - Drink half-liter water, take supplement, wash face
08:05 - Review my goals
08:15 - Use washroom
08:30 - Read a book
09:00 - Fix the bed, do stretching, do push-ups
09:30 - Meditate
09:40 - Eat
10:00 - Perform MITs
12:00 - Do my laundry
13:00 - Sleep
19:30 - Brush my teeth
19:40 - Work
22:30 - Eat
23:00 - Work
00:00 - Browse the Internet
01:00 - Do housework
02:00 - MITs (cont.)
03:45 - Perform manifestation exercise
04:00 - Eating, brush my teeth
04:30 - Track things
05:00 - Sleep

I consider this an update of my initiative (which I mentioned on Day 20) to design the best routine I could implement in my life towards my goals.

[alden]

Day 28 (241h 17m)↓

I've dreamed bad dreams lately, becoming pussy again. The same old thoughts are popping up in my mind. "Why am I so stupid?" "Why did I let the girls I loved fall for the wrong guys?" "Why do they seem to live better lives than I do when they're the reasons why I got distracted and messed up my life?" Regret. Self-loathing. Envy. Unfairness. These aren't good thoughts. Probably because I'm not putting so much attention on my subliminal training.

This is how I am like without the aid of subliminals. I need to walk outside and get back on track.

[alden]

Day 29 (244h 17m)↓

I started writing about manliness, in a language young men here will understand. I could do that, and it feels like I'm doing something good for others.

I dreamed about a beta male scene yesterday, myself being the beta male loving a woman who only treated me as one of her female friends. She flirted like a whore with a high value young man. My boss who is a gay religious hypocrite condemned her and I did nothing. When I woke up, wussy emotions gripped me. How come I could become like this without EPRHA?

Notice that I've spent less time listening to EPRHA yesterday. I intentionally did that so I could explore my feelings of unworthiness more.

[alden]

Day 30 (245h 17m)↓

I am lethargic today. The reason is because of negative emotions--anger, fear, irritation. I found out that one of my most important clients has a very bad attitude. He's quite good at first and I was kind of liking him as a long-term client. Then I got too tired yesterday. I tried to rest for 30 minutes, but eventually, I slept for 2 and half hours. I missed our appointment and he was furious. (As per our agreement, he's aware that any of us missing our meetings might happen and there's a corresponding penalty, but he reacted so badly I felt I had to make a false excuse.) The message he sent me has a bit of warning in it. It really makes me mad when somebody threatens me, I can't stand it. I've quit a lot of jobs before because I hate it when managers treat their employees this way. This ain't good. I'm considering dropping him as a client. I know though that this too shall pass, but I just can't work well today because of these emotional responses.

[alden]

Day 31 (249h 17m)↓

I just shared ASC 5G to a friend who I think need it most.

I received my first positive reaction for something I wrote about in my blog. I love that I'm getting more and more views, and that people are actually reading the things I write about.

I'm also very hopeful for the new initial public offerings I subscribed to. I have positive expectation, yeah, they will multiply my trading account.

This is my second day seriously implementing a morning routine for efficiency.

[alden]

Day 32 (251h 4m)↓

I messed up again today. Need to get back on track...

[alden]

Day 33 (253h 57m)↓

I'm okay. Good things happened. I was able to do my most important tasks, and I felt like I could do more. A lost friend contacted me. I'm optimistic about the future.