Alden attempts EPRHA (36d) ⇌ STM+OAAM

[alden]

Sounds like you are seeing Progress. Keep it up; Glad you are finishing up the 'online class.' It shows that you have Perseverance.

Thanks for sending out positivity brother

[alden]

Day 13 (139h 30m)↑

I did finish the online course I previously mentioned. That cost me 48 hours of waking consciousness. I made it to the deadline. I count it as one goal achieved for this year.

There's this interesting guy in the news. He was a gang leader, a murderer of innocent people, a bank robber, a drug lord... a high-profile inmate in the national penitentiary. Now, he's testifying against a high-profile politician. It seems everyone likes him.

He took charge of the court atmosphere. He made it so fun and lively you'll forget that he is a criminal. In the comments, I saw many women were turned on. You add to that that he is actually uneducated, came from a very poor economic background (just like me), hooked up with the pretty daughter of a city mayor, became chairman of inmates in the penitentiary, released a music album and became an award-winning recording artist. With his fun persona, you will see that this guy's got "the thing" that a lot of men don't have—call it charm, magnetic appeal, alpha personality, whatever. The media men, the lawyers, and even the court judges were impressed by him. Now, people express care for that devil who harmed many.

Disregarding his criminal records, I asked how can I be like him? His coolness competes with the coolness of our badass President. It's becoming a country of cool folks.

I was sleepy and the loud music outside brought me into some kind of ecstatic transcendence. The party outside had lots of nice looking poor teenagers singing, dancing, and drinking beers. I never participated in such parties before, but what if I did? I wonder how many nice-looking girls had I laid if only I did.

Eventually, I slept and had an interesting dream—I had a lovely girlfriend, then a wife, and then an adorable baby. I forgot the details, but I liked it.

When I woke up, however, my mind kept showing me erotic images with nice-looking girls. I'd get so horny but when I'd open my eyes, the horniness will be gone. Then I'd turn my body and close my eyes, and then the same thing will happen—I'd have a huge boner but at that point when I'd open my eyes, the horny feeling will melt away as if I just went into an alternate reality. Then I rose up and saw that I had lots of things to do. Later it seemed the horny feelings did not even happen. I then realized that I have control over my libido! I had not fapped since Day 9.

This post is getting longer than I planned. Let's stop here for now.

[DisneylandUSA]

Day 13 (139h 30m)↑

I did finish the online course I previously mentioned. That cost me 48 hours of waking consciousness. I made it to the deadline. I count it as one goal achieved for this year.

There's this interesting guy in the news. He was a gang leader, a murderer of innocent people, a bank robber, a drug lord... a high-profile inmate in the national penitentiary. Now, he's testifying against a high-profile politician. It seems everyone likes him.

He took charge of the court atmosphere. He made it so fun and lively you'll forget that he is a criminal. In the comments, I saw many women were turned on. You add to that that he is actually uneducated, came from a very poor economic background (just like me), hooked up with the pretty daughter of a city mayor, became chairman of inmates in the penitentiary, released a music album and became an award-winning recording artist. With his fun persona, you will see that this guy's got "the thing" that a lot of men don't have—call it charm, magnetic appeal, alpha personality, whatever. The media men, the lawyers, and even the court judges were impressed by him. Now, people express care for that devil who harmed many.

Disregarding his criminal records, I asked how can I be like him? His coolness competes with the coolness of our badass President. It's becoming a country of cool folks.

I was sleepy and the loud music outside brought me into some kind of ecstatic transcendence. The party outside had lots of nice looking poor teenagers singing, dancing, and drinking beers. I never participated in such parties before, but what if I did? I wonder how many nice-looking girls had I laid if only I did.

Eventually, I slept and had an interesting dream—I had a lovely girlfriend, then a wife, and then an adorable baby. I forgot the details, but I liked it.

When I woke up, however, my mind kept showing me erotic images with nice-looking girls. I'd get so horny but when I'd open my eyes, the horniness will be gone. Then I'd turn my body and close my eyes, and then the same thing will happen—I'd have a huge boner but at that point when I'd open my eyes, the horny feeling will melt away as if I just went into an alternate reality. Then I rose up and saw that I had lots of things to do. Later it seemed the horny feelings did not even happen. I then realized that I have control over my libido! I had not fapped since Day 9.

This post is getting longer than I planned. Let's stop here for now.

Interesting x-factor about Criminals: Yes, some criminals have 'Charisma' and ' a magnetic' quality that turns people's attitudes and beliefs ... and, even move a massive amount of people towards them. What is his name ? Curious

[alden]

Interesting x-factor about Criminals: Yes, some criminals have 'Charisma' and ' a magnetic' quality that turns people's attitudes and beliefs ... and, even move a massive amount of people towards them. What is his name ? Curious

If I'll state his name here, other members will know what country I'm from. I sent you a PM instead

[alden]

Day 14 (141h 47m)↓

No interesting activity happened today. (But there's something kind of creepy which I prefer to withhold for now haha.)

Then I had a dream. It's a dream about a woman I still like who later confessed (for real) that she liked me as well, though I never had more than a platonic kiss on the cheek; I got friendzoned. In this dream, however, I'm having sex with her whenever and wherever there's a chance.

She offers tiny resistance to my advances. So I'm having it all. I'm playing with her pussy over and over. The thing that makes it so exciting is because we're having it without commitment, we're just friends, we're just workmates. None of the people around us has a bit of idea of what we're doing when they look away.

Every time there's a window of opportunity to be private, even with friends, colleagues, and a boss nearby, we play with each other, like kids. I just remembered, this is how I was like as a kid. I played with female neighbors and I was always the one initiating the pleasurable games. I touched, kissed, hugged, poured lotion on them. That kept going until I was caught kissing a girl neighbor's pussy and I was beaten with a broomstick, castigated, and humiliated in front of people for being a sinful 5-year old. That marked the start of my detachment from sexual interaction with females. I did my best to build a nice boy reputation, and I succeeded, only to sabotage myself later on. I realize that in our clan, except for my father, I am the only one who'd been a nice guy.

In all our sexcapades, I'm the one initiating the sex. She offers tiny resistance but eventually succumbs. Let me repeat, this was a dream.

I woke up and stayed on the bed for a little while. My head hurts, probably due to the 48 hours I spent awake days before yesterday, or my mystical introduction to Qaballa last night or simply because I'd slept for 10 hours (which isn't so uncommon since I left my job). I can't remember having a headache for the past 2 years.

Then automatically, I fantasized that I'm having an enjoyable sexual encounter with a specific girl, who I often notice outside. That helped relieve my headache. I didn't fap.

Yesterday's listening time is 2 hours and 17 minutes, just to be safe. I slept with my headset on my ear, but when I woke up, it's not there. Yesterday's overall mood is a 3 of 10. I feel so unproductive!

[alden]

Day 15 (152h 25m)↑

Let me touch on this subject of Sexual Transmutation, for it so happened that through a glimpse of insight, I was able to understand it ONLY yesterday.

The way Napoleon Hill wrote that chapter of his bestselling book was so arcane to me. I really didn't know what he meant when I first read it at 17.

Getting out of semi-religious upbringing, the belief that masturbation isn't harmful was so firm in my mind. I just ignored his warning and considered it a functionless part of his work. Then 10 years later, I read it again as I became immersed in pickup literature.

As men, we are horny. That's undeniable, though some of us might be hornier than others. It's in our nature. We may not admit it to everyone, but sexual thoughts of desirable females, most of whom we personally know, often pop up in, if not consume, our minds. At worst, we may feel so bad about it that we opt to believe we're not supposed to have it this way. But that doesn't change the fact that we, men, are predisposed to be horny.

Being horny isn't just normal, it is necessary. Horniness is the urge that pushed so many men in history to attain great heights. That horny feeling is energy, that is, energy that motivates us to act, to become powerful, to work to obtain the means that allow us access to the objects of our lust.

What happens when you masturbate to orgasm is you release that potent energy into the air, and it's gone. You treat yourself to a little pleasure and deny yourself the opportunity to remain driven, to stay motivated enough to work on your goals.

When pleasurable satisfaction arrives (through orgasm), the desire to act leaves us.

But keep that horny feeling and you keep the urge. Deny yourself the orgasm, and what you do with that potent energy is you conserve it. And when you're able to channel that energy into more productive pursuits allowing you to act to become a better man, you're unstoppable. And the action part is what matters most. When you act, you obtain things, you create things, you work out, you dress better, you compete, you achieve... You gain initiative... You gain direction... You become something else... You become powerful... all bacause you are horny. Keep that urge and you'll move mountains determined to obtain the objects of your lust. You channel your libido towards great achievements.

So as a NoFapper, being horny is not to be avoided at all. Being horny is to be embraced.

[alden]

Day 16 (161h 18m)↑

The previous day was so-so, a 5 of 10 in overall mood. I read a book that explains the Law of Attraction in a way I could understand. I'm glad I found this book Reality Transurfing through this forum. I remember watching The Secret some years ago. At first, I accepted its thesis, but as I became more rational later on, I found that I couldn't stomach the ideas mentioned in there. So I classified that as delusional and went back to being realistic. Then a friend introduced me to the work of John Kehoe, which explains the concept better than The Secret, but still I was not so impressed. Reality Transurfing, I think, is the best work on the subject. It is both scientific and mystical, which appeal to my intellect well.

I'm having a hard time convincing a friend to use subliminals. He's discontented with life in general. He doesn't have a job. He badly needs it, and he's foolish. But everytime I open it up and try to convince him to try ASC 5G at first, he ignores what I say. I couldn't waste my precious energy on this guy's skepticism, so probably that's the last time I'd try. (Sometimes though, I wonder, am I just doing that because I don't have enough friends willing to go along with me? Am I that pathetic? I hope not. In fact, I've proved myself right over and over, but still, it fails to convince people to try things I'm doing. Don't I have charisma? Am I not persuasive enough? The answer is no, because people still trust and follow me, especially when it comes to doing business.) It's just that, it's clear to me that most people think of subliminals as scam, even the least intelligent ones. There's nothing I could do to change that, and there's no reason to do so either.

[alden]

Day 17 (166h 37m)↓

It was raining yesterday, reminded me of fun times I had few years ago. I felt so horny. It's hard to handle that at times. I felt I had to go outside the house to see some positive feminine presence. So after the rain subsided, I walked around town to glimpse as many attractive girls as possible, just looking at them, no approaching. After an hour, I went back home and I still felt the strong libido. It was very challenging, I almost relapsed but I didn't.

Two of my clients sent complaints. One of them is an imposing middle-aged woman who criticised the way I managed my team. To switch the interaction though, I implied that I'm not so interested in doing business with her, politely. What I learned from Reality Transurfing is that I shouldn't worry so much about such things and, instead, believe that the world is going to take care of me, as it always does.

I finished another online course—a diploma in Financial Trading—and read 2 books.

[alden]

Day 18 (174h 52m)↑

I messed up yesterday. I got so horny I gave up my 8-day streak of nofap. It wasn't easy. The longest I've had is 14 days and I haven't beaten it yet.

I was so horny, I had problems in the business, and I was drifting through the day in a purposeless way. Eventually, at midnight, I downloaded porn and a few hours later, it happened. I masturbated to orgasm.

As I have always observed, whenever I relapse, I tend to mess up in other areas as well. So I missed my diet, logging my time, tracking my habits, and so on.

I don't regret it though. I'd take it as EPRHA's way for me to explore my inner sexuality which is a huge part of who I am now and the root of my present social and emotional issues.

I know I could get back on track. I've seen some solutions to my business problems today. I'm also considering to go back to the gym and make it a habit again, for that's one of my MITs for the year too. To do that, however, I have to reprogram my sleeping habits such that I'd make myself more active during the day again and reserve the night for resting. (Lately, I intentionally made the nights my kind of daytime because it's so hot here during the day.)

To make myself more comfortable doing activities during the day, I have to make it a habit as well to take a bath every morning, and always wear good clothing.

[alden]

Day 19 (190h 17m)↑

I'm getting bored with EPRHA, to be honest. The truth is it's actually doing something... It's making me feel more at peace with myself. However, the problem is it seems I'm becoming very comfortable with my life. I don't want to go this way for a long time. I want to be more active, take initiatives, have the motivation to work on my goals. I want an active life. Not something full of self-satisfaction, but devoid of action.

For almost a week, I was a bit worrying if I'd be able to pay my debt or not. I had some business problem and I didn't actively work on solving it. Something within says I need not worry about anything for the world is taking care of me. Indeed, I kind of overlooked my financial situation. Suddenly, I found out that I have enough money in the bank to take care of my bills for the month. So, I was so grateful, I was happy.

But something's lacking. There's some discontentment brewing here. I want to take care of myself more, as I had always been doing, though I've personally witnessed that the amount of effort I'm putting on taking good care of my affairs isn't sustainable in the long run.

[maxx55]

I totally understand where you're coming from. I'm approaching my 7th month on this thing.

I'll say this. If you truly desire to take action for something towards something that inspires you, you'll still do it afterwards. I'm still interested in my career, still intend to gym, still intend to create the life I want to live. E2 is just for removing emotional traumas and GSF. If emotional trauma or GSF doesn't drive your desires, you'll still be ready to work towards them after the program.

19 days is pretty short to start thinking about stopping. Try at least a full month or two to see where you'll be headed. Best of luck!

[Benjamin]

Are you using E2 or the original version?

I also understand this as similar is happening to me. On the whole i'm in a better place, but motivation is low. Struggling with motivation at the gym alot of days, even on wednesday I didn't finish my whole workout which I haven't done before.

On the whole i'm in a better place emotionally and in a couple of other areas, but the drive to really work towards something or motivation in some areas is really lacking.

[ffaux]

Are you using E2 or the original version?

I also understand this as similar is happening to me. On the whole i'm in a better place, but motivation is low. Struggling with motivation at the gym alot of days, even on wednesday I didn't finish my whole workout which I haven't done before.

On the whole i'm in a better place emotionally and in a couple of other areas, but the drive to really work towards something or motivation in some areas is really lacking.

Maybe E2 is clearing insecurities (or similar negative emotions) that used to be a source of motivation. Maybe you need to let go of those motivations and figure out what really motivates you in the absence of those negative emotions once they have cleared.

[cataleya]

Are you using E2 or the original version?

I also understand this as similar is happening to me. On the whole i'm in a better place, but motivation is low. Struggling with motivation at the gym alot of days, even on wednesday I didn't finish my whole workout which I haven't done before.

On the whole i'm in a better place emotionally and in a couple of other areas, but the drive to really work towards something or motivation in some areas is really lacking.

Maybe E2 is clearing insecurities (or similar negative emotions) that used to be a source of motivation. Maybe you need to let go of those motivations and figure out what really motivates you in the absence of those negative emotions once they have cleared.

Wow what a great observation! :idea: Never thought of it that way....