11-21-2014, 12:20 PM
DAY 62
OK spiral down right now. I'm back on track with my goals, less focus on guys but I need to put a system into place to make sure I do follow on my projects. Why? Because I have no place to think about my projects in my brain. It's on constant overload I feel.
There is a new boy in my class who looks really great, and I think he's gay. I went talk to him yesterday for a few minutes just saying random stuffs. Today, I arrived and he was waiting for the doors to open and I didn't go to greet him... In fact I ignored him the whole day! I don't know why :/ And a gay friend started to chat with him etc. and it made me feel bad because I don't want him to get him, I want me to get him! Now that comes from a place of complete scarcity and I would really love to be more abundant than that... but I can't. Also, my gay friend is already in a relationship and I know he's not trying to get the guy, just chatting with him like a friend. But I don't like that even though there is no risk of me "losing the guy".
I've completely rejected the guy I talked about in the last post (the guy I may want to go out with). I told him I couldn't focus on a relationship at the moment and that I think it would be better if we didn't date. He took it bad and I've never heard about him anymore, he even deleted me from Facebook. But that doesn't matter, I feel more free having done that. I don't like hurting the guy, but I really couldn't have been in a relationship with him.
I'm still waiting for more external results than what I am getting. I also feel pretty messed up, like a complete wreck at the time being. Some days I feel on top of the world, other days I feel like complete sh**.
We'll see what Stage 3 brings to the table,
-Adri
OK spiral down right now. I'm back on track with my goals, less focus on guys but I need to put a system into place to make sure I do follow on my projects. Why? Because I have no place to think about my projects in my brain. It's on constant overload I feel.
There is a new boy in my class who looks really great, and I think he's gay. I went talk to him yesterday for a few minutes just saying random stuffs. Today, I arrived and he was waiting for the doors to open and I didn't go to greet him... In fact I ignored him the whole day! I don't know why :/ And a gay friend started to chat with him etc. and it made me feel bad because I don't want him to get him, I want me to get him! Now that comes from a place of complete scarcity and I would really love to be more abundant than that... but I can't. Also, my gay friend is already in a relationship and I know he's not trying to get the guy, just chatting with him like a friend. But I don't like that even though there is no risk of me "losing the guy".
I've completely rejected the guy I talked about in the last post (the guy I may want to go out with). I told him I couldn't focus on a relationship at the moment and that I think it would be better if we didn't date. He took it bad and I've never heard about him anymore, he even deleted me from Facebook. But that doesn't matter, I feel more free having done that. I don't like hurting the guy, but I really couldn't have been in a relationship with him.
I'm still waiting for more external results than what I am getting. I also feel pretty messed up, like a complete wreck at the time being. Some days I feel on top of the world, other days I feel like complete sh**.
We'll see what Stage 3 brings to the table,
-Adri
