04-02-2016, 02:30 AM
So this is day 90, normally I'd stop today but I'll give it another week and go with the subliminaltalk's 3months=96 days anomaly.
I am no longer between choosing EHPRA or AM6 for my next sub. I am now between choosing EHPRA, AM6 or staying with ASC. The question is, what do I want to achieve with this year?
I still feel like I'm hiding from my problems on a huge scale and there's a lot of hidden anxiety around people. I can't seem to be able to take responsibility for my own life, there's a part of me that want to get clear on what I want to do and what direction I want to take (career, interests, dating life, level of wealth to aim for). Then there's a part of me (dominant) that is so fearful that it wants me to stay at the same place, make no decisions, wait for ASC to build confidence until I am ready to tackle all of that. When considering all that, ASC seems more like the easy way out kind of a choice since it doesn't focus on facing the problems or the anxiety. This might not be completely true, but that's how it seems to me now.
EHPRA is a different story, great program for healing and dealing with anxiety, however it feels a lot like a stalling sub as well. Doesn't really force on a direction or moving forward, but rather staying and healing. It's not a bad thing, but I feel like I want more direction in life.
AM6 seems like the best of both and an overall great growth sub, but I am not quite sure I'm ready to run in again. Last time was a little too rough so I am a bit afraid to run it. Also I am living with my parent so this might bring up a lot of conflict.
I wrote this to bring myself clarity, but somehow I am still lost in which one to choose. Any external input would be helpful and could bring up things that I have missed.
On ASC: I have been having this incredible feeling of power about an hour or 2 after I wake up. It doesn't last very long, but it feels incredible. Sort of like anything is possible, whatever I were to choose to do or make my goal, it would be accomplished with absolute certainty and short intense steps. This is accompanied with pretty much absolute silence from the mental chatter. Then the chatter starts to come back and the feeling of weakness and doubt returns.
I haven't been meditating or exercising for about a week since I've been very sick since the last weekend.
This is why I would want to keep running ASC. That feeling of absolute confidence that appears on occasions, but eventually would be this permanent state.
I am no longer between choosing EHPRA or AM6 for my next sub. I am now between choosing EHPRA, AM6 or staying with ASC. The question is, what do I want to achieve with this year?
I still feel like I'm hiding from my problems on a huge scale and there's a lot of hidden anxiety around people. I can't seem to be able to take responsibility for my own life, there's a part of me that want to get clear on what I want to do and what direction I want to take (career, interests, dating life, level of wealth to aim for). Then there's a part of me (dominant) that is so fearful that it wants me to stay at the same place, make no decisions, wait for ASC to build confidence until I am ready to tackle all of that. When considering all that, ASC seems more like the easy way out kind of a choice since it doesn't focus on facing the problems or the anxiety. This might not be completely true, but that's how it seems to me now.
EHPRA is a different story, great program for healing and dealing with anxiety, however it feels a lot like a stalling sub as well. Doesn't really force on a direction or moving forward, but rather staying and healing. It's not a bad thing, but I feel like I want more direction in life.
AM6 seems like the best of both and an overall great growth sub, but I am not quite sure I'm ready to run in again. Last time was a little too rough so I am a bit afraid to run it. Also I am living with my parent so this might bring up a lot of conflict.
I wrote this to bring myself clarity, but somehow I am still lost in which one to choose. Any external input would be helpful and could bring up things that I have missed.
On ASC: I have been having this incredible feeling of power about an hour or 2 after I wake up. It doesn't last very long, but it feels incredible. Sort of like anything is possible, whatever I were to choose to do or make my goal, it would be accomplished with absolute certainty and short intense steps. This is accompanied with pretty much absolute silence from the mental chatter. Then the chatter starts to come back and the feeling of weakness and doubt returns.
I haven't been meditating or exercising for about a week since I've been very sick since the last weekend.
This is why I would want to keep running ASC. That feeling of absolute confidence that appears on occasions, but eventually would be this permanent state.
