AM5 Journal

[guilotine]

Hi Guys

I will be starting my AM 5 journal today. I was listening to Overcome Porn addiction for about 25 days but did not see any difference. Still not sure if subs work for me but I'll jump in since I've already purchased AM5 and don't really have anything to lose at this point. I want to develop inner confidence and learn to love myself. If this works well I will proceed with SM3.

I won't be relying only on Subs though. I am improving my whole lifestyle. I have always had a lot of issues with women and I want to get this part of my life dealt with.
Here are the things I'm working on.

Work out - 5/6 days a week crossfit and heavy compound lifting.
Eating healthy.
Dressing well.
Hobbies.
Working on career. Making, saving and investing more money.

Meditation - 40 min a day.
Deep breathing/ mindfulness throughout the day.
Visualization - 20 min a day about being more attractive to women.
Self talk/ affirmations throughout the day.
FasterEFT whenever I find myself in a depression phase which happens once in a while when I think about my lack of success with women.
NoFap and quit porn forever.

Go out,socialize and approach women 4 nights a week.

Last but not least - AM5 sub 12-15 hours a day everyday.

I am already doing quite well in most of these. I already have a very good physique and dress pretty good. I've also been meditating for quite some time and making good money right now. Also I've been going out a lot and approaching many women. I don't have AA any more but my conversations tend to be boring and that's where I mostly lose women.
My biggest issue is that I am 28 years old and have never had a girlfriend. I've had 1 one night stand and all my other sexual experiences have been with hookers. Needless to say my self esteem is quite low right now. I am not an ugly guy. Hopefully I will overcome this.

I won't be updating everyday just once every few days whenever I notice something worth mentioning.

[guilotine]

Marking today -

NoFAP - Day 1
AM Stage 1 - day 1

Been listening for a few hours. Feeling pretty good!

[Javier Gerardo]

Hey man!

I myself is also struggling with porn and masturbation addiction. I've been trying to quit since about the 4th quarter of last year. It is only now that I am finally getting some good progress. I think I am around Day 18 or so. I highly suggest you visit Reddit's NoFap and become a fellow Fapstronaut in case you haven't. The community there is highly helpful like the community here.

I haven't tried the Overcome Porn Addiction 4G sub. What I did is constant strong willpower and doing anything to distract myself. Also, cold showers man. Do it! It has help me in some way.

With that I suggest you use the added energy from not doing PMO (Porn, Masturbation & Orgasm) in your hobbies and self-improvement like working out as you have said.

We're gonna make it bro.

[guilotine]

Thanks for the encouragement!
Yeah I've been trying to quit for more than a year. I can now go about 2-3 weeks without it so that's a big improvement over what I used to be. I've checked out the Reddit site and also yourbrainrebalanced.com. I've noticed that the preserved energy will also really affect my meditation practice along with the things you mentioned. How has cold showers helped you? Do you do it when you have the urge to wath porn?
Anyway I relapsed again. It was very short about 10 min but still not what I wanted. We will beat this for sure.

AM5 - Day 3
NoFap - Day 1

It's going good. Nothing special to report. I've had a bit of depression feelings lately around women but I tapped them away. All my self improvement activities are going good.
Last night I almost took home the first girl I approached. We danced and made out and I took her home to the door of her apartment when she had a change of mind and didn't want to continue. I persisted for a while but eventually left. Interesting experience.

[Javier Gerardo]

You're welcome man.
Cold showers have helped me in a way for instance when you feel you have the urge to fap, dive right in and have a cold shower. Or you could do a James Bond shower wherein the water is hot first then gradually make it colder. I couldn't do that because our heater isn't working. Cold showers all the way.

Give it a go again bro. Never give up on doing NoFap.

In regards to the girl, good job man. You have success with the first girl you approach? That's great! Keep on doing it.

[guilotine]

AM5 Stage 1 - Day 7 complete
NoFAP - Day 5 complete.

I feel good now.
I switched my meditation entrainment from theta to gamma and that has brought me much higher ability to concentrate and more control over my thoughts. The hypnosis/visualizations and self talk are going great.
I read a book called "As a Man Thinketh" by James Allen. It brought me to the realization that we are what we think. At the end of the day out happiness is nothing more than an internal state brought upon by the thoughts we think. We tend to associate negative external events with negative thoughts and vice versa but learning to focus on good positive thoughts no matter what happens in the outside world will make us so much happier and so much more powerful because we are not influenced by external forces. Easier said than done though.

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AM5 Stage 1 - Day 10
NoFAP - Day 9

Had an interesting experience yesterday. A girl whose number I got but never responded to my text suddenly called me out of the blue to ask why I never called her. Also I saw her at last weeks salsa class but didn't talk to her simply because I totally forgot about it and didn't recognize her. Anyway I set up a date and took her dancing last night. We made out and I tried to push further but she seemed very shy and nervous and was telling me that we were going too fast.
Anyway I'll probably see her again. It was interesting because no one ever called me like that.
Maybe the visualizations are really kicking in. Law of Attraction?

Everything else is going great too. Haven't had any negative feelings to report on. I've been very aware of my thoughts now and detect any negative thought and replace it with positive thoughts.

"You are what you think" - James Allen.

[guilotine]

AM5 Stage 1 - Day 14
NoFAP - Day 13

Life has been going pretty good. I missed a couple of days of meditation but besides that I've been doing everything else according to schedule. The girl I went on a date with last week has been calling me and wanting to meetup again so I'll set something up this weekend.
Work and business are going great.
As for going out, there some good nights where women were very friendly and open to me and some nights where women didn't seem to care at all. I would love to say it didn't, but the bad nights did affect my state of mind a bit. The good news is that I took charge of my thoughts and continued to think positively throughout all that so the negative feelings were quite mild in comparison to the past. In the past sometimes I would feel hopeless and it would take me a while to recover from it.
It made me realize that I'm still outcome dependent to a certain extent when it comes to women. If they give me a good reaction I feel good and vice versa. I'm hoping with the help of the sub I can learn to stop looking externally for validation learn to look within. In other words I want to develop the "IDGAF" attitude.
For the most part though I've been feeling great. Haven't had any urges to watch porn because I haven't been thinking too many sexual thoughts like I used to.

[guilotine]

AM5 Stage 1 - Day 19
NoFAP - Day 18

Today has been tough so far. I'm feeling myself falling back into depression mode about my women situation. Still haven't had sex and the girl I've been seeing has been resisting. I've been tapping whenever I feel down and it has helped but the feelings come back after a while. Also the urge to watch porn and masturbate has also been quite strong lately.
I've been keeping up with my lifestyle. Meditation is going great and my concentration has rapidly improved. I hope to build on this and reach deep states of meditation soon. Gym and work is going great too and I recently received compliments on my looks which is not something I'm used to hearing despite having a good physique for a long time. However for some reason I still feel insecure about women inside. Feel like I am not worthy of beautiful women despite all the positive self talk and visualizations I've been doing. It's made me realize I still have a lot of approval seeking, insecure behaviors that I have to overcome.

[guilotine]

Hmm its funny...
Just by writing the last entry in my journal I feel better now. Like a weight has been lifted off my shoulder.

[guilotine]

AM5 Stage 1 - Day 20
NoFAP - Day 1

Relapsed yesterday. Took a cold shower and felt good for a while but eventually succumbed to porn. Pissed off today. Starting over again.

[guilotine]

AM5 Stage 1 - Day 28
NoFAP - Day 2

Relapsed in my NoFAP challenge many days in a row. Pissed off and drained about that. It caused me to miss workout, meditation and self talk for the last few days. In the process of getting back into my routine now.
Besides being pissed off and feeling down about the relapse, nothing else to report.

[guilotine]

AM5 Stage 2 Day 1 starting today.

[guilotine]

AM5 Stage 2 Day 4.
NoFAP Day 4.

Having depression again about women. I feel like nothing I do id working in this regard. I've been tapping these emotions but it doesn't seem to be working this time. Just gonna have to push through. I have no idea what else to do. I haven't pushed myself the last few times I went out. Didn't approach that many women and I feel my approach anxiety coming back.