AM 5.0 for Gay Men - Adri's Journal

[Adri]

Stage 4

Days 97 - 112

OK guys, sorry for the big delay! Stage 4 has been very challenging and I had absolutely no will to continue to write my journal. Even today, I have to force myself to do it. I am resisting Stage 4 a lot! I've never resisted any stage that much. On the first week with Stage 4, I had a lot of headaches and my mind was trying to find ways for me not to listen. I was able to push through. Today, I am in the mood of "why continue AM5?". This is ridiculous because I know it will bring so much more but my mind don't like the idea I will continue, I think. But I will continue!

Apart from that, I've had a lot of successes in my life during the 2 last weeks. First, I won a scholarship to a big marketing and business growth event. I would never have been able to pay for the ticket so that's really amazing! Also, I now have a new boyfriend. I went talk to him without knowing him (but that was facilitated because he is a friend of lots of my friends) and now we're going out together. I don't feel changed by that, which is weird. It's the first time I go out with someone I really wanted to go out with but it feels so natural, like it's always been that way. I don't like that, I want to feel gratitude for that but I don't. I'm really looking forward doing LTU 3.1 after AM5. I hope it will help me feel more grateful for the life I live and for my successes. I may also refer my boyfriend to LTU because I do think that he would really benefit from it (like everyone I know by the way).

Nothing apart from resistance has been happening for me on stage 4. I do hope it will fade. Other things may have happened during the last two weeks but I don't remember them. Nothing major apart from the things I talked to you about in this post.

Nothing else to say for today,
-Adri

[JackOfHearts]

Keep up bro, you are getting great results already even with your resistance.

[Adri]

Thanks maniac360! The process of changing with subliminals is so natural that I'm not able to look back to who I was before. This means I'm not able to gauge the results I got. But I do know things have changed, even if I'm not aware of them.
I plan to keep up! Shannon has said that we cannot stop AM5 because of the imbalances it brings inside your mind. I will keep up. Also I believe that if I keep up, the results will be amazing.

Thanks for your support, I do really appreciate that

[Adri]

Days 112-119

OK guys, now it's starting. My resistance to stage 4 starts vanishing. My dreams are becoming more vivid.

I find myself saying things that I don't know why I said them. A friend of mine was talking to me about my relationship with my boyfriend and asked me for how long we were going out with each other. I replied to him "one week or so". Then a girl of my class, who was listening passively, said "Oh, I hope I could also have a relationship for one week!". Obviously, the girl is having problems with getting a boyfriend. What I could have replied would have been "Oh I'm sorry for you" and then change topic. But what I've said was far more interesting. I asked her "With whom?". This led to a continuation of the conversation in a cool way, without making her embarassed of having said what she said.
There are other examples of me saying different things that I wouldn't have said before this stage but I won't go into details into each of them. Just knowing that the things I said were cooler that the things I would have said normally is enough.

A friend of mine told me one day that I was moving like a hero in a movie when walking.

I've also noticed that I am moving away from some people in my life.

Those are the only thing that I've seen happening during this stage, nothing else. Looking forward to stage 5, I hope it will bring more visible changes. Maybe a lot of things are changing but I don't see them.

Love you all,
-Adri

[Adri]

Day 120-126

Hi guys
This stage is sooo challenging !! I thought my resistance was gone but obviously it's not ! I always find a way not to listen to the sub for the amount of time I need ! My subconscious is trying to trick me but I can see what it's trying to do Lot of fear and anxiety lately. A little bit of sadness peppered on the top. I am becoming more self-reliant, like I feel I don't have anything to prove to anybody. If I make a social mistake, nothing wrong with that, I think about it for 10 seconds and then it's gone. I now never feel bad about what I'm doing. But I don't feel great inside anyways. Really not great.

I hate stage 4. Really hate it ! Even if it has given me slight changes. I don't know if it's stage 4 that makes me feel that way or if other events in my life are the trigger but I don't like.

I loved and I hated this month. My life has changed during this month but I now feel bad inside.

Really thinking about using LTU to make me free of all those bad emotions.

Stage 5 is coming, I'll start using it tuesday. Hopefully it will bring more changes and make me feel better.

Bye guys,
-Adri

[Adri]

Day 127 - 139

Stage 5

Hello 11 Days into Stage 5. I've started having vivid dreams again. They are very weird and make me uncomfortable because I always dream of situations that make me uncomfortable. I feel like my social response is improving, I talk more easily to other people. I also think my boundaries are coming back, stronger than before: I had an "argument" with my parents and I told them that I was not OK with what they told me, but in a very respectful way. We did not "fight", we just discussed and at the end, they told me I was right.
I also feel better than on Stage 4 but my head is messy, I cannot focus on my goals. I have lost my sense of clarity. I don't know where I'm going, what I should do next, ...

That's it for today, generally I've found that I become aware of most of the results 2 weeks after the start of the stage so let's see in some days where I'll be

-Adri

[Adri]

Day 140 - 150

Long time since I've posted something here. I do not feel a lot of changes happening, that may be because 1) I'm resisting the program, but I don't think that's what's happening, I'm feeling quite good, not a lot of headaches, emotionially quite stable (but I've been feeling quite sad lately). The second reason may be that I was already an alpha guy when I have started this program, but I don't believe I was an alpha guy. I do feel more alpha than ever, and I feel better inside. I don't give a **** about what other people think about me, I do what needs to be done, I'm more comfortable around people, ... But those results are not as strong as I expected. Or maybe there were a lot of results but because the change is so smooth, I'm unable to see it. That's quite annoying if that's the case because I'm unable to tell if this is having an impact on me or not. Which means I need things that are a little bit more noticeable to happen, like what happened when I was using ASC. I think the OE in ASC did make those results happen and because I'm using a 4G without OE, I'm wanting the same results than a 5G would give me. I may be already accustomed to the power of the 5G and am then unable to see the results happening on a 4G. But this is not believable to me, a lot of people here have gotten amazing results on AM 5.0 4G. Maybe I can't make the difference between before and after on a sub less powerful than 5G. I don't really know. Or maybe this sub is just a great foundation for my life. I do have changed, and in a lot of positive ways. But not as much as I've wanted. I thought I would see the results happening in the last stages, but obviously I'm getting less results than in the first stages. I need your help on this guys (and maybe Shannon if you've got the time).
I'm thinking about doing LTU 3.1 or maybe the Socializing Is Just A Fun Game or Overcome Social Anxiety next. I can't really decide. I am more considering LTU because it works on anxiety and on being a more social person. What do you think about this ?

I thank you very much for reading my posts,
-Adri

[ffaux]

Dude just read your earlier posts. I bet you won't even be able to relate. This last post is world away from things I've read from you previously. Congratulations!

[swisston]

Is there a refresher stage you could do for a while?

[adam225]

In my opinion you should re run AM at least once more. You're obviously going in the right direction. Sometimes these things take a couple of shots to get right. There's a lot of information to process.

[Adri]

Thanks guys for all your replies ! It means a lot to me to see I am supported by this amazing community !

ffaux: I'll then have to re-read my earlier posts, I tend to not remember a lot about my past. But if you're right then it just means I totally forgot the results I already have gotten because they're so ingrained into me that they seem natural

swisston: AM5/GM does have a refresher stage. Would you recommend me to run it ?

adam225: I was thinking about re-running AM5. Not for the moment because I'm a little bit fed up of AM5 but maybe later this year

Again, thanks for your replies !

[Adri]

Day 151

My boyfriend broke up with me If you want more explanations, you can go to my post. Click here. I'm really really sad, he was a very great guy, I loved him so much. But he went away for the reason mentioned in the post I've put you a link to. I started LGOPR alongside AM5, to make my recovery quicker. I do hope it will get better soon. I still love him a lot.

When people go away from your life, you know what they're worth. All the money of the world. Today, if I was given millions but that my boyfriend had to break up with me, I would not do it. A boyfriend is worth such a lot more. I know that, but I did not take the opportunity when I was still with him to enjoy every moment we had together. Now, I see the value of people, especially close people.

Make everyone you love know it guys. Take time to enjoy every moment with them. Love, love, love ! That's so important... but I missed it.

-Adri

[Adri]

Day 152 - 154

Well I'm feeling really bad about my breakup. Tapping all day long. Some changes have happened, I feel quite better. But not as good as I would want to be. Don't have the courage to write a thing.

Bye guys,
-Adri

[andrewl]

Sorry to hear about your situation.

What I like about this program is that I find myself on steadier ground, and I hope you can reach for that place of stability as you traverse this situation. I noticed that I stray less from being centered and lose my emotional balance less often.

I actually started this program about the same time you did so I have followed your thread with interest. You may not realize how far you have come until you remember the man you once were.

I would like to offer you some words. You can be single and feel bad about it. You can be single and feel hopeful and anticipating a new relationship. Or you can be single and happy about having the freedom to do the things you want when you want to. You are free to feel as happy or otherwise as you want. Besides, wouldn't you rather have a relationship with someone who is happy?