03-30-2014, 04:25 PM
Day 77bis
I'm sad again and I think I know why. I hate my life in Belgium. When I see anything that has to do with America, in particular High School lifestyle or any other of any american young lifestyle, I feel so sad. I don't know what's in it that I want to have, but not having it and being reminded of it makes me sad. I'll go to university soon and I know the lifestyle I'll have there. Studying, meeting people, going out. Nothing different from the american lifestyle I think. So why? I don't know...
But a thing that really makes me feel sad is american football. I would be so glad if I could be part of an american team. Playing in the rain, hearing the crowd, knowing something's going to happen, relying on the team more than on yourself, running as fast as you can to win, the equipment around you, protecting you, the shock of the bodies of the players, the cheerleaders, ...
I know I have an idealized view. For all the good things I can think of, there will always be bad things.
I dislike Belgium so much. Want to get out of there asap. But not possible financially. And even getting out of Belgium would not give me this lifestyle I want. Sadness. I don't want to fit in a lifestyle. I want the lifestyle to fit me.
I'm sad again and I think I know why. I hate my life in Belgium. When I see anything that has to do with America, in particular High School lifestyle or any other of any american young lifestyle, I feel so sad. I don't know what's in it that I want to have, but not having it and being reminded of it makes me sad. I'll go to university soon and I know the lifestyle I'll have there. Studying, meeting people, going out. Nothing different from the american lifestyle I think. So why? I don't know...
But a thing that really makes me feel sad is american football. I would be so glad if I could be part of an american team. Playing in the rain, hearing the crowd, knowing something's going to happen, relying on the team more than on yourself, running as fast as you can to win, the equipment around you, protecting you, the shock of the bodies of the players, the cheerleaders, ...
I know I have an idealized view. For all the good things I can think of, there will always be bad things.
I dislike Belgium so much. Want to get out of there asap. But not possible financially. And even getting out of Belgium would not give me this lifestyle I want. Sadness. I don't want to fit in a lifestyle. I want the lifestyle to fit me.
