AM 5.0 Journal

[SargeMaximus]

if the sub is stirring up apathy or low feelings, it's a chance for you to root 'em out of your psyche. is it possible you're fighting the feelings? if I do usually it results in muscle tension and they're still lurking to bug me in the future. can breathe & welcome the feelings so they come all the way to the surface

Yeah I've pretty much accepted em' now. I don't know why, but accepting apathy causes you to become 100% calm. It also makes you not care, which is good, but you don't do anything either. I feel like my lot in life is to just decay and die since apathy is all I can do now.

@AlphaScorpio: Just accept the feelings. Like, whatever they do, tension, etc, how it feels. Don't fight it, just let it do it's thing. It's called "emotion processing" or something like that. I think Depak Chopra came up with it, and my coach did something similar with me.

[stratos]

welcome the feelings means instead of suppressing the sadness/grief/shame/fear try to deliberately experience it stronger and sustain it for a period of time (5 minutes, 10, 20, whatever.) the same way you can bottle things, you can bring them up. i'm not talking hours here, just as long as you want to. most people have a bad mood or muscle tension linger for hours, days, and sometimes years because they don't want to actually feel the bad feeling for 5 minutes, 20, an hour, or however long it needs to be there. our society conditions men to repress things that end up going into muscle tension and staying around forever..it's some toxic shit.

Shannon's subs are great because as they encourage positive change, the negative emotions that might contradict that change are forced to come up. instead of suppressing them back down, try to feel them in your mind and body and accept them somehow so they dissipate. to your point, breathing helps, for sure, and changing how you relate to yourself and your own feelings.

if you really want to develop the habit, do it while you're going somewhere. now when I go somewhere (taxi, subway, walking, etc.) and i'm by myself i'll try to scan for negative feelings and bring them up. am I sad, angry, ashamed, i'll try to feel it for 5-10 minutes to detox them. as a recovering repressive, as some others here seem to be, it's really necessary.

not sure i'm making sense here..tell me how this sounds.

[jonathan4all]

welcome the feelings means instead of suppressing the sadness/grief/shame/fear try to deliberately experience it stronger and sustain it for a period of time (5 minutes, 10, 20, whatever.) the same way you can bottle things, you can bring them up. i'm not talking hours here, just as long as you want to. most people have a bad mood or muscle tension linger for hours, days, and sometimes years because they don't want to actually feel the bad feeling for 5 minutes, 20, an hour, or however long it needs to be there. our society conditions men to repress things that end up going into muscle tension and staying around forever..it's some toxic shit.

Shannon's subs are great because as they encourage positive change, the negative emotions that might contradict that change are forced to come up. instead of suppressing them back down, try to feel them in your mind and body and accept them somehow so they dissipate. to your point, breathing helps, for sure, and changing how you relate to yourself and your own feelings.

if you really want to develop the habit, do it while you're going somewhere. now when I go somewhere (taxi, subway, walking, etc.) and i'm by myself i'll try to scan for negative feelings and bring them up. am I sad, angry, ashamed, i'll try to feel it for 5-10 minutes to detox them. as a recovering repressive, as some others here seem to be, it's really necessary.

not sure i'm making sense here..tell me how this sounds.

Who else can say look at this : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aqX5IFKYFWk

[AlphaScorpio]

I get what you're saying stratos thanks for elaborating,makes perfect sense will try it now.

anyone know if I can use AM5 on the speaker of my phone while I'm at college and still get results ?

[Astrack]

I am using them on speakers and getting results. Logitech z120,listening to ultrasonic version.

[AlphaScorpio]

Yeh I mean just my built in phone speaker, I don't know if it goes to 20khz

[FluffyBunny]

I get what you're saying stratos thanks for elaborating,makes perfect sense will try it now.

anyone know if I can use AM5 on the speaker of my phone while I'm at college and still get results ?

i use speakers on my phone all the time. im in college as well
i only use it with masks though i find that the speakers on the phone arent good enough for ultra sonic.

[AlphaScorpio]

Yesterday I got about 15/16 hours of exposure on headphones, Listened to it solidly from about 18:45pm to 10am, woke up this morning having slept like a dead person with my head having that pressure feeling, it doesn't bother me feels like I've woken up after being stoned or something lol. I find when you listen to subs for a long time, they sometimes take a while to integrate. Like when I wake up until about the time I get to college I'm still in this kind of dreamy zone, then by 1 o clock I start feeling the effects of the sub more and I perk up a bit weird how this happens. Feeling a bit less apathetic recently after tapping on it and what stratos recommended with the awareness and accepting/releasing the feeling, thanks man that helped

[AlphaScorpio]

Stage 5 Day 26

Been feeling Negative again this afternoon. This girl I hang around with made a comment about my jacket and it got me all in my head, she also said "You're feminine" This pissed me off and I got angry cause it wasn't the first time I've been called that. I don't know why I come across as that to certain people but it's always when I'm in a shitty mood, I haven't been called feminine in about a year however I still remember these things cause they get to me.

I spent the whole lesson feeling pretty shit I sat next to this girl who made the comments earlier and she kept making comments like dan you look so sad and depressed what's wrong, I literally couldn't hide my state no matter how hard I tried. I did however get angry enough to start correcting her in things she said, she asked if she could copy my work and I straight up said no, you can do your own work, that's what I've done. She kept trying to manipulate saying "You'll have fun showing me your work" and "Don't be so mean dan come on..." I didn't let her take advantage of me.

Over all really shitty day to be honest.

I have noticed something weird at the moment, I feel like I can be assertive at home these past few days with less defensiveness and less care which is odd because it feels like the two circumstances have changed I used to be cool and carefree on the outside when I was out, and when I was home I used to feel it was hard to be myself and assertive. WTF IS GOING ON lol.

Meh, I don't know if it's resistance from starting to listen to AM 14-16 hours a day now but something is really feeling shit inside me and there's something limiting me it's horrible. I mean is AM doing something? Is it bringing up some feelings of shame and fear of judgement/rejection and stuff or is it not doing anything and it's just me? I never know.

Shannon? Any clue about what's happening?

[SargeMaximus]

Stage 5 Day 26

Been feeling Negative again this afternoon. This girl I hang around with made a comment about my jacket and it got me all in my head, she also said "You're feminine" This pissed me off and I got angry cause it wasn't the first time I've been called that. I don't know why I come across as that to certain people but it's always when I'm in a shitty mood, I haven't been called feminine in about a year however I still remember these things cause they get to me.

Sh*t test! lol. Seriously, that's what that was. I don't know how to respond to these yet, but I can recognize them now.

My personal belief is that you should just accept it. Be like "Yeah I can be."

Whatever you do, however, DON'T get rattled when a girl tests you. Don't run away either. Just be present, and say something.

Also, don't care if you're "feminine". Everyone is a little bit to be honest, and you gotta accept yourself because hiding from it is not the answer.

I spent the whole lesson feeling pretty shit I sat next to this girl who made the comments earlier and she kept making comments like dan you look so sad and depressed what's wrong, I literally couldn't hide my state no matter how hard I tried.

This one I DO know: DON'T EVER try to hide what state you're in. Rather, accept it fully.

I've been on the verge of tears before but since I owned it and was ok with it, I had girls talking to me and trying to cheer me up.

I've also hated people with a passion before, but because I owned it and didn't hide it, I got respect and admiration.

Thing is, though, don't lash out at people because of your state. I mean, I may hate people, but I don't try to change them. I just accept that I hate them, and that's all there is to it.

Bottom line: accept whatever state you find yourself in. BUT, more importantly, learn to master your state so you aren't a victim of yourself anymore.

I did however get angry enough to start correcting her in things she said, she asked if she could copy my work and I straight up said no, you can do your own work, that's what I've done. She kept trying to manipulate saying "You'll have fun showing me your work" and "Don't be so mean dan come on..." I didn't let her take advantage of me.

Over all really shitty day to be honest.

I have noticed something weird at the moment, I feel like I can be assertive at home these past few days with less defensiveness and less care which is odd because it feels like the two circumstances have changed I used to be cool and carefree on the outside when I was out, and when I was home I used to feel it was hard to be myself and assertive. WTF IS GOING ON lol.

Meh, I don't know if it's resistance from starting to listen to AM 14-16 hours a day now but something is really feeling shit inside me and there's something limiting me it's horrible. I mean is AM doing something? Is it bringing up some feelings of shame and fear of judgement/rejection and stuff or is it not doing anything and it's just me? I never know.

Shannon? Any clue about what's happening?

Well, I'd say 14 hours is pushing it. I only ever go 12 max.

[AlphaScorpio]

Stage 5 - Day 28 Having a serious amount of feeling shit at the moment, feels like my life is pilling on top of me. College have said I'll be kicked out unless I attend a meeting for attendence, my mum keeps asking me what's wrong and why are you going backwards? I've started looking at porn again and smoked weed for the first time in ages yesterday, my life has gone totally awol in about 3 days... getting in arguments with mates, parents, anyone.
I feel depressed as hell as well.
Crazy shit I don't know wtf to do.

[stratos]

yell (into a pillow or in the woods) at the top of your lungs, let it all out

[SargeMaximus]

Stop fighting the feelings. I'm telling you, if you can accept them, you can move forward.

So many times I've felt like not going to the gym. You know what I did to get around it? Accept it, and go anyways.

So I'd be like "I don't want to do this." then I'd answer back: "I know, that's ok."
"There's no point." -> "Yeah I know."
"I feel awful" -> "That's ok, feel how you want."

All the while I was driving to the gym, walking into the place, or even filling my water bottle at the water fountain.

When you accept things, they have no more power over you. You can still move, so to speak.

There is a quote that I love from one of my favorite shows as a kid, "Stargate SG-1", and it goes like this:

"The evil inside me, is too strong to resist. The only way to win, is to deny it battle."

[AlphaScorpio]

Thanks Stratos and Sarge, I appreciate the help.

I tried screaming into my pillow, hurt my throat lol but I did feel a bit less bottled, I think I need to learn how to accept things more. That's probably one of my biggest problems - accepting and moving on. Alot of the time I find it so damn hard to just accept something that I am trapped by it and I give up on everything around me. It's true sarge, when you accept your feelings it feels like loads more options suddenly open up to you, or maybe it's more like you open up yourself to loads more options. I will practice what you've said. I just get lost in the moment and start feeling crap about everything I never accept them, so I'll start doing it.

That quote is epic btw ^^