08-21-2017, 03:54 AM
(Yesterdays post that I had in my offline journal)
Interesting day. Went to a market in a town 40 minutes away.
When I got to the town, I seriously thought I was going to shut down. I was allowing myself to feel something that was coming up while driving and started to get really tired. I identified it as a sign the tiredness was trying to get me to stop looking at whatever it was. I got to the town and felt myself shutting down a bit, and I couldn't even remember where the market was and was getting frustrated. I got there in the end and felt a little better when I got out of my car, but still just felt off.. feeling like I just couldn't enjoy myself and couldn't stop thinking about girls.
I went to the toilet and let myself feel it, did one of the processes i've been doing. Felt more relaxed, started walking around again and then when I wasn't even thinking about it, just looking at stuff I went to a stall.
A girl on the stall started talking to me, and mentioned EMDR.. and I shared with her what had been happening with me recently and she was telling me what she had been going through.. and I was like "how funny is this, in this market with so many people we just come across each other". She showed me a video and wanted my number and she took me to her car to get her phone and listen to some rap songs with similar meaning to what we were talking about.
I don't know if she was keen or not, taking a guy to your car like that and us sitting in it together isn't exactly normal behaviour. I wasn't that attracted to her.. she's passable. BUT.. she said her bf is in jail, he was a drug dealer, that they met smoking meth together and such.. and were in it until recently. And she said she did EMDR and it's amazing, and he did too and doesn't do drugs anymore. She also went on about the cops harassing her for nothing... which is rare to happen innocently, so that makes me all suss. The drug stuff and her smoking were a big turnoff but she was cool.
I genuinely wanted to talk to her and share as hear about what she had to say cos she had some good perspectives and I genuinely wasn't interested in ***** her. I mean I might do so if the opportunity come up but don't really care.
She's been messaging me all day, she messaged me like 'you've definately got a friend in me, and (her bf) when he's out' 'were friends now btw' 'I think we were meant to meet today' 'when (bf) gets out we will have to catch up' telling me i'm amazing and such.
I want people that are like minded yes.. and she had some good insight. But all the drug stuff and the cops 'harassing' her.. i'm not keen to get involved in that shit. And she's one of those really full on, intense people and that's something that drains me.. I felt drained after talking to her and had to get away to recover my energy.
I didn't even see most of the market cos when we went back it was packing up.
Then went to the shopping centre, went into a shoe shop and the girl come and asked if I wanted help. I started talking to her and she stayed for a fair while talking. Went to check if there was customers and come back.
Got her number, she's like "I don't usually give out my number to random guys but you're cool and funny".
I thought of the best comeback after and wish I had said "I don't usually give my number out to random guys either."
Been messaging her a little too.. she told me she went on a date with this guy who was 34 and in his car he put Justin Bieber on hahaha.. and how much she hates his music.
So I sent her a topless photo of Bieber and told her I thought i'd message her so she had my number and send her a nice photo of her hero.. while laughing my ass off.
I'm mainly just still messaging her because she's cool. I just went for it though in my mind i'm like "oh yeah i'm not being with girls another month or so". So at this point i'm not really trying to do anything with it.
Interesting day. Went to a market in a town 40 minutes away.
When I got to the town, I seriously thought I was going to shut down. I was allowing myself to feel something that was coming up while driving and started to get really tired. I identified it as a sign the tiredness was trying to get me to stop looking at whatever it was. I got to the town and felt myself shutting down a bit, and I couldn't even remember where the market was and was getting frustrated. I got there in the end and felt a little better when I got out of my car, but still just felt off.. feeling like I just couldn't enjoy myself and couldn't stop thinking about girls.
I went to the toilet and let myself feel it, did one of the processes i've been doing. Felt more relaxed, started walking around again and then when I wasn't even thinking about it, just looking at stuff I went to a stall.
A girl on the stall started talking to me, and mentioned EMDR.. and I shared with her what had been happening with me recently and she was telling me what she had been going through.. and I was like "how funny is this, in this market with so many people we just come across each other". She showed me a video and wanted my number and she took me to her car to get her phone and listen to some rap songs with similar meaning to what we were talking about.
I don't know if she was keen or not, taking a guy to your car like that and us sitting in it together isn't exactly normal behaviour. I wasn't that attracted to her.. she's passable. BUT.. she said her bf is in jail, he was a drug dealer, that they met smoking meth together and such.. and were in it until recently. And she said she did EMDR and it's amazing, and he did too and doesn't do drugs anymore. She also went on about the cops harassing her for nothing... which is rare to happen innocently, so that makes me all suss. The drug stuff and her smoking were a big turnoff but she was cool.
I genuinely wanted to talk to her and share as hear about what she had to say cos she had some good perspectives and I genuinely wasn't interested in ***** her. I mean I might do so if the opportunity come up but don't really care.
She's been messaging me all day, she messaged me like 'you've definately got a friend in me, and (her bf) when he's out' 'were friends now btw' 'I think we were meant to meet today' 'when (bf) gets out we will have to catch up' telling me i'm amazing and such.
I want people that are like minded yes.. and she had some good insight. But all the drug stuff and the cops 'harassing' her.. i'm not keen to get involved in that shit. And she's one of those really full on, intense people and that's something that drains me.. I felt drained after talking to her and had to get away to recover my energy.
I didn't even see most of the market cos when we went back it was packing up.
Then went to the shopping centre, went into a shoe shop and the girl come and asked if I wanted help. I started talking to her and she stayed for a fair while talking. Went to check if there was customers and come back.
Got her number, she's like "I don't usually give out my number to random guys but you're cool and funny".
I thought of the best comeback after and wish I had said "I don't usually give my number out to random guys either."
Been messaging her a little too.. she told me she went on a date with this guy who was 34 and in his car he put Justin Bieber on hahaha.. and how much she hates his music.
So I sent her a topless photo of Bieber and told her I thought i'd message her so she had my number and send her a nice photo of her hero.. while laughing my ass off.
I'm mainly just still messaging her because she's cool. I just went for it though in my mind i'm like "oh yeah i'm not being with girls another month or so". So at this point i'm not really trying to do anything with it.
