08-10-2017, 04:55 AM
Just got back from a mens group about a half an hour ago. I joined their facebook group 2 years ago, then I left and didn't goto a meeting.. I wasn't ready.
With the work i've been doing recently, I felt ready to. I joined, and it took me a whole week to post what I wanted to post. Posting things that make me feel vulnerable here is one thing, but posting it on a group with people in my town who I will meet in person.. was way more scary.
I'm glad I did, they had a more casual meeting tonight at a pub and I went to join. Started off a little hesitant, but they were cool guys and the conversation got pretty deep, most of the stuff I talk about here that I never really talk about with people in real life because I don't feel I usually can.
And signs of me opening up.
Basically I would NEVER talk to anyone about pua stuff openly, due to fear of judgement about it, or even fear that the other guy might get into it and have great success when I didn't. But tonight I noticed I just put it all out there, it might help that I realized the damage of it so partly talked about that, and it partly helped knowing it's a mens group and the guys are open and supportive.
But still alot of it shown how i'm starting to open up more. Some stuff I don't think i've ever opened up and said to other guys or really anyone, alot of it around recent learnings. Some of it i've shared online, but with people in front of me it's totally different.
Everyone left except me and the organizer and talked to him for like another hour or more.
And opening up so much, feeling like it's okay to do that.. is new but it was good. And he did too and sometimes I feel alone in my issues.. but to see other guys have gone through the same things is awesome.
One cool thing is he shared some feedback. He's certified in coaching and says that he is pretty intuitive which I can see.
Well.. he told me that i'm different than last time he seen me. I guess that's sometime last year. That before I just had this strong anger emanating from me and that it put him off and even scared him a little.. and now that i'm more open he's generally more interested in what I have to say, and that now I have this new depth to me that he didn't see before.
Good feedback, some days I feel like i'm not making progress but all this shows I have. I asked him "do you still feel that anger coming from me" and he said no not anymore.
I can't say for sure but I feel like this is due to the progress i've been making in the last month or so dealing with these core wounded emotions.
On a sidenote, all the guys were cool. But one of them seemed a little strange towards me, he was a big dude, more masculine than the others, but in the way i've been looking at things recently I wonder why I felt weird about him and he reacted that way towards me. When he come in I felt a vibe from him and seen him out of any of them as a potential threat and he seemed open towards the others and not me, and the way he was looking at me seemed he thought I was a potential threat or something too.
But then in the end when he left and said "Good to meet you" it felt pretty genuine, like he had mainly sat there and listened to the conversation between me and the other guys and maybe decided I wasn't what he initially thought.
There's some learning from that too for me to explore.
With the work i've been doing recently, I felt ready to. I joined, and it took me a whole week to post what I wanted to post. Posting things that make me feel vulnerable here is one thing, but posting it on a group with people in my town who I will meet in person.. was way more scary.
I'm glad I did, they had a more casual meeting tonight at a pub and I went to join. Started off a little hesitant, but they were cool guys and the conversation got pretty deep, most of the stuff I talk about here that I never really talk about with people in real life because I don't feel I usually can.
And signs of me opening up.
Basically I would NEVER talk to anyone about pua stuff openly, due to fear of judgement about it, or even fear that the other guy might get into it and have great success when I didn't. But tonight I noticed I just put it all out there, it might help that I realized the damage of it so partly talked about that, and it partly helped knowing it's a mens group and the guys are open and supportive.
But still alot of it shown how i'm starting to open up more. Some stuff I don't think i've ever opened up and said to other guys or really anyone, alot of it around recent learnings. Some of it i've shared online, but with people in front of me it's totally different.
Everyone left except me and the organizer and talked to him for like another hour or more.
And opening up so much, feeling like it's okay to do that.. is new but it was good. And he did too and sometimes I feel alone in my issues.. but to see other guys have gone through the same things is awesome.
One cool thing is he shared some feedback. He's certified in coaching and says that he is pretty intuitive which I can see.
Well.. he told me that i'm different than last time he seen me. I guess that's sometime last year. That before I just had this strong anger emanating from me and that it put him off and even scared him a little.. and now that i'm more open he's generally more interested in what I have to say, and that now I have this new depth to me that he didn't see before.
Good feedback, some days I feel like i'm not making progress but all this shows I have. I asked him "do you still feel that anger coming from me" and he said no not anymore.
I can't say for sure but I feel like this is due to the progress i've been making in the last month or so dealing with these core wounded emotions.
On a sidenote, all the guys were cool. But one of them seemed a little strange towards me, he was a big dude, more masculine than the others, but in the way i've been looking at things recently I wonder why I felt weird about him and he reacted that way towards me. When he come in I felt a vibe from him and seen him out of any of them as a potential threat and he seemed open towards the others and not me, and the way he was looking at me seemed he thought I was a potential threat or something too.
But then in the end when he left and said "Good to meet you" it felt pretty genuine, like he had mainly sat there and listened to the conversation between me and the other guys and maybe decided I wasn't what he initially thought.
There's some learning from that too for me to explore.
