Abandonment issues come in in force again, wanting girls and sex to feel better.. feeling like it will solve everything.
I didn't even want to leave the house but I decided it was better than sitting at home so went to another town. All of it come up even stronger, most of the time on DMSI until the last few months i've felt my confidence was higher consistently.. today felt reverted bad.
I was aware of it when it was happening and I went for a drive and did some Inner Bonding and felt a little better.
And I identified another distinction that is hard to deal with. It seems that the fact I was with a new girl was why I thought I was feeling better because now that's up in the air it's back in force. And some part of me is wanting to do this Inner Bonding and reconnecting with myself, healing abandonment and such as a way of getting more girls.
But that's kind of the big contradiction, getting to the point of legitimately doing it to feel whole and not just because I think i'll get girls is difficult. It DID seem to start off like that when I got frustrated enough to deal with it but maybe at the deeper level there was still some I wasn't aware of that's come up now.
Current feeling is completely getting rid of that girl I was seeing and not bothering messaging her after the soft next is up. Also annoying me is that she blocked my messages on facebook though I wasn't planning to message her for several days anyway.. and that if on the day I was planning to message her she still has it blocked i'll just extend it. Or just delete her and not bother.. I don't know.
So she blocked me on the dating site too again, I don't know why she just blocked messages on facebook instead of deleting me like she can pretend it's innocent. I've had enough of this shit, she acts up and I call her out on it and she can't deal with it and her first thing is blocking me. So I just deleted her now.
And i'm pissed at myself that I somehow temporarily fell in the "I wouldn't mind her as my girlfriend" thing. Current feeling is almost no girl deserves an actual relationship just past sex and hanging out and having fun together.
I didn't even want to leave the house but I decided it was better than sitting at home so went to another town. All of it come up even stronger, most of the time on DMSI until the last few months i've felt my confidence was higher consistently.. today felt reverted bad.
I was aware of it when it was happening and I went for a drive and did some Inner Bonding and felt a little better.
And I identified another distinction that is hard to deal with. It seems that the fact I was with a new girl was why I thought I was feeling better because now that's up in the air it's back in force. And some part of me is wanting to do this Inner Bonding and reconnecting with myself, healing abandonment and such as a way of getting more girls.
But that's kind of the big contradiction, getting to the point of legitimately doing it to feel whole and not just because I think i'll get girls is difficult. It DID seem to start off like that when I got frustrated enough to deal with it but maybe at the deeper level there was still some I wasn't aware of that's come up now.
Current feeling is completely getting rid of that girl I was seeing and not bothering messaging her after the soft next is up. Also annoying me is that she blocked my messages on facebook though I wasn't planning to message her for several days anyway.. and that if on the day I was planning to message her she still has it blocked i'll just extend it. Or just delete her and not bother.. I don't know.
So she blocked me on the dating site too again, I don't know why she just blocked messages on facebook instead of deleting me like she can pretend it's innocent. I've had enough of this shit, she acts up and I call her out on it and she can't deal with it and her first thing is blocking me. So I just deleted her now.
And i'm pissed at myself that I somehow temporarily fell in the "I wouldn't mind her as my girlfriend" thing. Current feeling is almost no girl deserves an actual relationship just past sex and hanging out and having fun together.
